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Desc:From her book. She almost never talks about this, but what she has to say is interesting.
Category:Humor, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:slasher, tina fey, scar, autobiography. bossypants.
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:05/10/11
Views:5726
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Comment count is 58
John Holmes Motherfucker
She never actually says whether they caught the black guy.
Rape Van Winkle
I never noticed it before.
Innocent Bystander
Apparently this whole audiobook is good, and much better heard than read, since it is Tina herself doing it.
Innocent Bystander
Also why is no one rating this?

Sundry
Scar? Oh yeah, she has a scar. Huh.
charmlessman
I just figured she got it in a whip accident like Indy.
Busby Berkeley
Eating pineapple

John Holmes Motherfucker
It must be more obvious in real life than on TV. If you do a little googling, you'll discover that Tiny's scar has been the object of curiosity online for a long time. Type "Tina Fey" into your Google search window slowly, and you'll see that "Tina Fey scar" will come up before you finish typing, at least it did for me. In 2007, someone started a blog called "Tina Fey Scar Detective that attempted, without success, to get to the bottom of the mystery. People would ask each other forums, but no one seems to have known how fucked up this was, until she told this much of the story in 2008, for Vanity Fair.

This was where I became interested. Lots of People have facial scars. I have one on my chin. What most people don't have is a maniac coming up to them and slashing their face before they get out of Kindergarten. I don't blame Tina Fey for not wanting to indulge my curiosity about this, but I don't blame myself for being curious.
John Holmes Motherfucker
"Tiny's scar?" I nominate myself for typo of the day.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I never noticed it but god damn I can see why she'd keep it to herself.
Bort
You win, Tina Fey. I will buy audiobook of "Bossypants".
Bort
I enjoyed "Bossypants" very much and would recommend it.

Suedeo
Bort, may I please borrow your time machine?

Suedeo
BORT'S TIME MACHINE IS FUCKING AWESOME

RomancingTrain
So brave of her.
Ursa_minor
There is absolutely no way you could ever possibly bring up her huge fucking scar across her goddamned face without being a pathetic, pathological, egomaniac fuckhead. Not even out of genuine curiosity. If you do that, you're a sex-crazed, simple piece of shit.
Don't even talk about it. If you fucking utter one breath about the elephant in her face, you're out buddy. 86'd. You're a fucking prick and we'd all rather you die then deal with your braying, belligerent, legitimate interest.
Wanna hear the interesting and weird story of how it happened?
Fuck off, you sex0obsessed wannabe star-fucker. She's not your friend. You're not even a stranger. You're a smear of charcoal on her day, spitting out words and adoration like a corpse releasing it's bowels.
Curiosity killed the cat because that cat was actually a fucking asshole, whether he knew it or not. He brought it up because well, it's a big fucking scar on the the only part of a person's body in which you actively communicate with, it's a large anomaly that indicates some sort of past trauma or something interesting at least a fun story - but that's a red herring, a shiny red herring made out of mirror, and in that mirror you see yourself as a fucking dickheaded, awful crumpled up wad of nothingness and failure and last-gasp attempts to kickstart the potential you know you were born with but squandered away while you were simply trying to find out who you were as a person. Who you were when you weren't acting how people expected you to act. In her scar, you realize you're nothing but a composite of the expectations of others, and you're a bland, faded piece of cardboard waiting to tossed around by someone else's memory of who they thought you were, or how you acted that day. It's pathetic and you're pathetic and quite honestly of you're thinking about that scar right now - just give up, okay? Give up on everything. You're worthless. Tina isn't going to waste time explaining shit to you, because the explanation would be purer was it propagated out through the universe in a clean, uniform pattern without being sullied and violated by your terrible, half-realized muffin of a mind.
Don't ask about the scar. You're worthless and not funny and not worth talking to. She obviously doesn't have a complex about it, it's you who does. It's you who can't glue even the most infantile puzzle pieces of your life together. Her scar is your scar, only yours will split you apart until you die, full of regret.

I can't believe you're even thinking about the scar right now. You sick, pathetic, star-struck lonely fuckface, trying to start interesting conversation with someone with a bigass scar on their face, which while wicked and awesome, basically represents the two halves of yourself. Your potential, the reality, and the ruined, keloid wasteland between that can never be erased. They will never heal and you'll forever be on the other side of an ever swelling river, watching your pride and intelligence lose interest as your voice slowly become less and less comprehensible over the roaring shame and terrible life choices.

Fuck you guys. Don't ask about the scar. You're so pathetic. Jesus christ.
Ursa_minor
(PS she's kind of a bitch about it)

Adham Nu'man
Yeah I also thought that she presents her stance as if it's the only logical stance to have about this kind of thing, when in fact I know several people with visible scars or physical handicaps that have told me they'd rather people asked than have them do that that pathetic thing where everyone is trying to pretend it's not there but it is obviously on their mind.

Also, ***** for Ursa. "Keloid wasteland"

Jane Error
All she says is that people who have asked about her scar in the past have usually *ended up* being egotistical assholes. Which makes sense because people that would point out something on someone else's body that is potentially a source of deep trauma or self-consciousness without having the sensitivity and respect to wait for that person to bring it up herself or respecting her choice to not talk about it is something that an asshole would do.

Also, your rambling textual opera of offended misogyny is revealing a lot more about you than it is criticising Fey for having the audacity of preferring not to discuss the traumatic source of her facial scar.



gambol
Hey Jane, how'd you get that scar?

Hooker
Oh, Jesus Christ. EVERYTHING about any person is "potentially" a source of deep trauma. I have a pretty noticable scar between my upper lip and my nose, and when people ask about it, I tell them the story (riding my bike in the rain as a kid, the wheels jackknifed and I fell on the side of the handlebars, which the grips had slid inward on). It's been obvious to me that people who ask are just curious. In Tina's case, she has some baggage associated with it and it has led to this wild psychoanalysis. You guys are just buying it.

Oscar Wildcat
Slow, muffled golf clap for Ursa.

WHO WANTS DESSERT
Yeah, this person who has a highly visible reminder of a traumatic childhood event right on their fucking face is really kinda overreacting about spending their entire life being reminded of it constantly by people who give no fuck about anything but their own curiosity. WHAT A MAROON!

petep
TINA FEY I WAS JUST MAKING CONVERSATION WHY WON'T YOU FUCK MEEEEE

Ursa_minor
Jane, I know. That was the joke. Baggage, overreaction, projection and stuff.

Nevermind.

John Holmes Motherfucker
If I may just briefly change the subject, I'd just like to mention in passing how much I loathe condescending faggots who pontificate about "what passes for X in this country." Don't like "30 Rock", do we, Stanley? What are we, a Fawlty Towers fan? Oh, how you must suffer, living among what us inferiors think is funny!

I want to defend Tina Faye here, but I don't know if I should. I don't want to come across like I'm emotionally invested in this clip that I submitted, but I do feel like I understand it better than some people in here, if only because I listened to this about six - seven times while I was preparing the clip. Let me make a few points as quickly as possible.

1. Is she not being cool? Can anyone think of a cooler stance on this than not wanting to talk about it. I didn't hear any blustering or self pity.

2. She may very well have baggage, around this. Why wouldn't she? I don't feel like I've fallen for it (that is, I'm not assuming that she can be completely objective about this) but I do respect it. It's not an objective accounting of the motives of everyone who has crossed her path. It's her experience, and as her experience, it's valid.

3. If you listen carefully, she gives a nod to the empathy of those who wait to get to know her and let the subject come up naturally, but then, being a humorist, she goes into much greater detail in making biting observations of those who bring up the subject in a forced and self-serving way. She may be misjudging some of these people, but I doubt that she's misjudging ALL of them.

4. More than anything else, the passage seems to be designed to discourage questions from the celebrity press. Can't blame her for that.

5. Somewhere in the world there may well be a 68 year old mental patient who has been taking his meds and hasn't hurt anyone else over the past 35 years, and she may be wary of leading the public in his direction.

Hooker
Do you talk to people in real life in this pointlessly rambling fashion, or do you just save it for us?

Adham Nu'man
John, calm down, most of us here really like Tina Fey. She's brilliant and funny and wrote Mean Girls.

Ursa's diatribe was still hilarious and well written.

John Holmes Motherfucker
See, that's exactly what I meant. I'm perfectly calm, and I knew that if I responded in the way that I wanted to, I would seem more emotionally invested than I am. What I have invested is a lot of time getting to know this passage initimately, and what I strongly feel is that a lot of you are wrong, and that left me with a lot to argue with.

The only person I was really annoyed at in the thread was StanleyPain, for reasons that had more with him being a condescending douche than Tina Faye any one topic.

Hooker. you're not paying attention. I responded to several different people, point by point, in one post. There's nothing rambling about that.

Foux du Fafa
Slowly rises to feet and joins in on the slow clap.

Rodents of Unusual Size
It's called manners. People with manners don't ask strangers about their deformities. It's fucking rude.

Maru
five for UM.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Yeah, it's true. Tina Faye is really weird and touchy about the time when she was five years old, and a maniac randomly attacked her with a knife, and she thought she was going to die. Strange, isn't it? If only there was some way to get the bottom of this mystery.

Mister Yuck
Goddamn Ursa. You got that screed outta something weird inside you not the video. Might wanna get that checked out.

FeeFiFoFoTheFifeFifeBrown
What the fuck just happened?
John Holmes Motherfucker
This was supposed to be lower down on the page.

al k duh
michael k. williams (omar from the wire and chalky from boardwalk empire) has a huge scar on his face. tina fey also has a huge scar.
...
huge scars are sure signs of badass-ness.
chumbucket
Tina, your scar makes you sexy. - your BIGGEST fan!

PS: did you get those letters I sent you? also, your phone number doesn't work anymore
John Holmes Motherfucker
I can imagine myself asking about her scar in a way that probably wouldn't offend her... but in reality, I probably wouldn't ask. So my hypothetical means nothing here. The people who don't ask would probably do it better than the people who actually do ask. She's talking about the reality.
kingofthenothing
We all got problems lady. Nobody cares about your scar. It turns out you're funny and seem to have a personality and that's why people watch your crap.
John Holmes Motherfucker
She is quite hot... in a "not out of my league" kind of way that makes her seem much more appealing.

Did anybody happen to see "Baby Momma"? Not a great movie, but it impressed me to see that she had the looks and the appeal to seem right at home as the female lead in that kind of romantic comedy. You could have dropped Jennifer Anniston into that role and it would have seemed perfectly normal, no stretch at all.

I was never curious about the scar, but when I happened to learn how the scar was created, it made me far more curious about the woman. Does it seem more visible to her than to everyone else? If she feels like the scar earned her unwarranted attention, perhaps that's why she doesn't like to talk about it? Is she afraid that if the scar gets a lot of public attention, it will bring her attacker back to her, in one way or another? It does raise a lot of perfectly fascinating questions that people who are fascinated by people would be legitimately fascinated by, even though she has a perfectly legitimate right to not answer.

kingofthenothing
That's cool. I'm not going to disagree with what you're saying because your points are valid. It's just that to me, celebrities might as well be aliens living on some far flung planet, or lost to the currents of time. I'm hardly aware they exist at all.

Beautiful and appealing people are (to use an overexploited term) ubiquitous. I guess celebrities seem artificially familiar to us and from there grows some kind of one-sided imaginary opinions about them. I don't know how it works with regular people; I'm just guessing.

It's not the case with me. I just see them as part of a machine designed to sell products. Salespeople. I know life is hard and people need something to take the edge off sometimes. I don't blame anyone for that.

People go through far worse than she did and they can be really cool about it. I've had prominent scars for years and I had to deal with curiousity and some ridicule, sure, but people are just people. I've known kids who got way more fucked up than I did, like this kid who got his toes run over and squished by a car, and he had to learn to walk all over again. Or some little girl and her brother who had horrible burn scars and had to keep telling people about the night their house burned down. I remember, when I was in the hospital, thinking I had it bad, when I saw some little girl holding a bloody hankerchief pressed against the back of her head, waiting in line, and she was only 6 years old. I asked her what happened and she said someone had thrown a brick at her. I could keep going on but you get the idea.

Sometimes when people seem concerned, they really are. After one of my accidents, I had a lot of people ask who beat me up, and offered to find them and teach them a lesson. They were dead serious and they didn't even know me. Maybe Tina Fey's jaded as hell and doesn't think human beings are capable of empathy, but they totally are. Maybe working in show business skews your world view and makes you think everyone has an ulterior motive, but people are diverse and will surprise you sometimes.

baleen
She's really short. Tiny in fact.
But very nice, and very funny.

themilkshark
I never cared about why she had a scar. I noticed it right away when she joined Weekend Update, but she was hot so who cares.
That guy
I didn't notice it right away on Weekend Update because I was too busy staring at her horrible delivery and shitty jokes leading her into a successful career.

StanleyPain
And after all that blustering over your scar, you're still a wonderful icon of the thorough mediocrity of what passes for "comedy" in this country.
But, hey, Sarah Palin will probably run for president in 2010 and you can milk out that "impression" for a year or two.
Also: telling the whole, true story about something usually kills any and all future interest in that something right away and gives people nowhere to go with it, whereas spinning a web of faux mystery around things like this generally make YOU look like a ego maniacal dumbass that wants people to give a shit.
CJH
yeah but how could any of us know what's going to happen in the far flung futuristic tomorrowland of 2010?

John Holmes Motherfucker
Reading the comments again a year later, it strikes me as interesting that we're all talking about the scar, which is pretty ordinary, and not so much about a random person slashing a random five year old's face, which is deeply strange and traumatic. This applys to myself, and to Tina Faye, and everybody else. Later in the book, she talks about asking her father if she was going to die. This is not everyday celebrity stuff or everyday person stuff, and I don'r know how she could refer to it or not refer to it and not have it be somehow pointed or odd or mysterious or exhibitionist or something.

hammsangwich
Tina Fey is not attractive and the scar does not detract nor add much from her plainness.
John Holmes Motherfucker
N0TE: Accidentally posted my final word on this much higher on the page than I intended. Sorry if that's confusing.
A Jumping Spider!
jesus christ, you guys
jangbones
dont fight it, just let the glorious weirdness of the comments wash over you

fluffy
Less for the content of the video (I guess I noticed the scar but never noticed it as BEING a scar, but whatever) and more for the WTFery of this whole comment thread.
Influence Device TIMR
yeah, five stars for creepy

five stars

Runic
There are not enough stars.

Mister Yuck
The video was interesting, but here's five more for the comments.

Pompoulus
Agh, what is all this shit?!
NewHeavenSalesman
sometimes I come back to this video and just marvel

at the scar, of course
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