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Desc:From an actual press release by Gingrich
Category:Humor, News & Politics
Tags:stephen colbert, colbert report, john lithgow, newt gingrich, overwritten
Submitted:Hammer Falls
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Comment count is 21
Oscar Wildcat
Really, this kind of rant requires the full Shatner. Nothing less.
No, Lithgow pulled off a comic seriousness and over the top dramatics that Shatner would have been too busy mugging to get right.

Lithgow was the proper choice for this.

Or perhaps Donald Pleasance.

yeah, this is also the correct choice considering Newt is a real life Dr. Lizardo.

Shatner and Lithgow are both equally awesome, considering they both survived the Terror At 20,000 Feet.

Comparing their 20,000 Feet performances, Lithgow is definitely the better choice for an insane screechy Republican.

an actual, semi-serious presidential candidate released this statement

this is going to be one of the most entertaining primaries and campaigns in American history
I'm pretty excited for it.

Does this speech have anything to do with anything?

Political Elite?


Newt, your most prominent moment in American politics was when you were spearheading impeachment charges against a president for not doing anything actually illegal, and subsequently being found to have been having a years-long affair.

FUCK YOU (this was great, though)
The politics of personal destruction.

That release was written by a 14 year old with an alcoholic Republican dad, right?

Binro the Heretic
Or maybe Charlie Sheen?

Charlie Sheen, Kanye West, Donald Trump, basically anyone who makes a living selling themselves and has started to believe their own bullshit and are spiraling into a self-sustaining vortex of narcissism and ego.

It really sort of makes sense. Gingrich wants the world to return to the 19th century, so he writes like a politician from the gilded age.
That's the thing with conservatives, though, they can't ever go back far enough. Give them the 19th century and they want the 17th. Give them the 17th and they want the Dark Ages. Give them the Dark Ages and it's not Dark enough. Give them caveman times and they bitch about fire being confusing and dangerous.

Fire and the wheel have a liberal bias

Oscar Wildcat
The jawbone of an ass, however, is distinctly conservative.

It's not my goddamned president. Understand, monkey boy?
that was really fucking florid.
U! S! A! U! S! A! U! S! A!

This may be the only time I've ever been sure that was chanted ironically.
Newt really wishes he were a bad sci fi writer from the 70s.
Why wish when he can be a bad sci-fi writer from the 90s?

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