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Desc:This ain't your dad's board game movie!
Category:Classic Movies, Trailers
Tags:Transformers, Battleship, hasbro, blockbuster, generic
Submitted:WHO WANTS DESSERT
Date:07/27/11
Views:1410
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Comment count is 64
Hammer Falls
Yep. This is part of a three picture deal for Hasbro board games. There will also be a Monopoly movie and a Candyland movie... wish I were making that up.
hammsangwich
I'm on board with Candyland if Guillermo del Toro directs. Lord Licorice used to horrify me.

Robin Kestrel
I'm on board with Candyland if it's a porno.

MrBuddy
The Hungry Hungry Hippos movie had a lot more realism.

Chalkdust
this trailer also features the ubiquitous white pegs from the board game, visible at 0:16

chumbucket
Did no one learn anything after Clue?
Xenocide
But Clue was awesome.

It is also probably the only board game in history that would make a good movie. Aside from Go, which is even now being adapted into the tragic tale of a land war fought along racial lines.

dairyqueenlatifah
Nope, as a matter of fact there's a remake of the Clue movie in the works.

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118000533?refCatId=13

I guess some genius at Hasbro thought if they could do it with action figures they could do it with board games too.

Also, I could stop laughing throughout this trailer because it's a trailer for a 0 million film by Universal Pictures, yet it looks like a movie by The Asylum.

But Rihanna will be in it, so it actually has the potential to do well.

I'm concerned.

Hooker
Holy Christ, it really did cost 0 million. What the fuck?

kingarthur
0 million??? There are people starving out there...

dairyqueenlatifah
Yes, you read that right, 0 million:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/200-million-gamble-battl eship-film-26636

Remember, there are entire countries without clean water to drink, and people right around the corner from you starving on the street corner. Yay world!

Born in the RSR
bahahahahahhahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahaahalbahalbahalbah
Xenocide
"YOU ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL CADET IN THE HISTORY OF THE NAVY SOMEHOW. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE!"

There's probably context for that but I bet it's just as stupid.
Rudy
"I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT MY DAUGHTER SEES IN YOUR MOVIE STAR HANDSOMENESS AND YOUR DEVIL MAY CARE ATTITUDE!"

Hooker
Did Battleship change since I last played it?
Screwtape
No, but now it costs 0 million instead of .95

The Mothership
US Navy: Hey, Hollywood, how can we make the US Navy relevant to today's youth in 2011?

Hollywood: we'll have obsolete artillery ships fight a flying armed transforming alien humpback whale with a love-interest subplot and a crusty old admiral, and we'll tie it in with a board game that nobody plays.

US Navy: Fucking Sold.
garcet71283
I was going to say something about Liam Neeson wasting his talent... but these are yours.

FABIO
Along the same lines is trying to promote the F22 in every single action movie of the past 10 years.

memedumpster
This clip is no longer available.

I think it was a dupe anyway and not even real, unless these people saw the fake Battleship movie trailer and thought someone had an awesome idea.
WHO WANTS DESSERT
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1440129/

fatatty
Hollywood is no longer wading, but has full on plunged in headfirst into self parody.

Macho Nacho
Even with the alien hump back whale ship the movie still looks boring.
Comeuppance
This looks exactly like 2012 meets Transformers, complete with the obvious product tie-ins. Also, how often are we going to see alien technology burst out of the ground in front of stunned onlookers? That's quickly becoming the most cliché shot of this decade.
garcet71283
For once I would like a movie taking place in our universe...where we have been so deadened to special effects and the concept of alien invasion that the onlookers would not be surprised at all.

fatatty
And there came a cry from the cynically unfazed crowd, "FAKE!"

SolRo
"YOU CALL THAT A FLESH-DESINTIGRATING LASER BLAST?! I CAN SEE THE PIXELS!"

erratic
My vote for most cliché shot of this decade goes to that pose that the hero does after jumping off of a building and landing in a crouch with one arm up in front of a bunch of villians. Then he/she swiftly raises his/her head up before killing them all. Can we get a montage of every movie that has done that?

FABIO
Shot cliche of the decade actually goes to trailers: having various characters slowly stand up while staring in shock at something off camera. Double cliche points for doing this while 360 panning and fade to black transitions to the sound of a heartbeat.

Hammer Falls
My favorite is the surprise helicopter coming over a hill or into a shot unexpectedly with no audio until it is visible. Because, as we all know, helicopters do no make a sound unless you see them.

SteamPoweredKleenex
It's bad enough when you're playing a sandbox video game and they toss up invisible walls to keep you from exploring; this one just slaps you in the face with it.

What do you mean, "It's a movie?" You're telling me someone crossed Transformers with Stephen King's "Under the Dome" and they actually filmed it?

Humanity doesn't deserve to continue.
Spoonybard
Didn't battleships get replaced by aircraft carriers before WW2 even ended
SolRo
No, they're still around. How else will the whole defense budget get used up?

oddeye
WW2 was when it was realised that giant monster ships were easy targets for ever-more advanced aircraft.

Also, this movie must have the line "You sunk my battleship" at some point.

TeenerTot
Yeah, but the delivery will be all edgy like "You sunk my battleship, bitches!"

FABIO
The USS New Jersey saw some use in Vietnam.


Giant phallic turrets are just sexier than aircraft carriers and missile frigates.

Cena_mark
Just money that could be better spent on the Coast Guard.

SolRo
Yeah, they could use higher quality lube for the all their buttsex drills.

dead_cat
"YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP, CADET! YOU ARE A WORTHLESS STRING OF UNRELATED GROSS NOUNS!!"

"NO, SIR, I HAVE SAVED US ALL! AND WHEN WE GET BACK I WILL BONE YOUR DAUGHTER!"

garcet71283
The Missouri saw use in the Persian Gulf War. Although, by then it was primarily a cruise missile delivery platform.

Doomstein
They've been called back into service and refitted for almost every major conflict of the later part of the 20th century. Their role after WWII was mainly pre-landing shore bombardment. The only reason the last administration couldn't justify spending a billion dollars refitting the USS Iowa is that Afghanistan is land locked and Iraq has a tiny stretch of coast. Next World War they'll probably slap a nuke reactor and a rail gun on it. Who knows?

TheQuakeSoldier
this insane shit is nothing less than a reflection of the clientele who repeatedly pay to allow hollywood to full-force shit down their throats year after year.
oddeye
??? It's - where I live in NJ.

StanleyPain
So now I'm wondering just how ham-handedly they're going to have to shoe-horn in the phrase "you sunk my battleship" somewhere into the film.
Hammer Falls
On the other hand, I'm waiting for the movie-tie-in version of the game, where the other grid is filled with alien, whale-shaped ship things.

FABIO
During the scene ripped straight from Independence Day where the guy in charge briefly communicates with the genocidal alien right before blowing it away.

spiteful crow
Meh, I'll wait for the inevitable Electronic Talking Battleship sequel.
twinkieafternoon
Wait so this ISN'T a College Humor video? You're kidding right?
WitlessJ
Wikipedia: "The estimated US0 million project..."
Caminante Nocturno
Generic trailer.
Cena_mark
More crap from Hasbro...

FABIO
I like how Skyline was the exact same movie as this or Transformers, yet only cost million and was more enjoyable/less annoying.
Chalkdust
just to be clear, before anybody goes off and wastes two hours, even compared to this and Transformers, Skyline was not enjoyable/non-annoying

Senator_Unger
FIRE ALL THE GUNS AT F8!
Cena_mark
I think it'll come to something like that since the alien took out their computer weapons systems.

twinkieafternoon
The aliens clearly trapped them in an electrical/magic dome, and their radars went out. That's why it's like battleship. They justified part of the plot being that they have to fire blindly within a closed area.

MacGyver Style Bomb
Something like that actually happens towards the end of Metal Gear Solid 4.

Chalkdust
which, actually, given that this is a fucking feature-length adaptation of Battleship, is pretty clever

Doomstein
They'll probably call the sequel. "Battleship II: Electronic Talking Battleship from Milton Bradley Hasboro the Movie" It'll consist of another alien ship screaming its attacks out loud over a giant crackling loudspeaker during the final epic battle

Old_Zircon
I know a bunch of people who work or worked at Hasboro, and I plan to give them a stern talking to.
TeenerTot
And a spanking.

I'm writing a treatment for "Uncle Wiggly: This Time It's Personal", so I might need some red-handed discipline too.

Riskbreaker
The pong movie is closer to become a reality.
Jet Bin Fever
COMING SUMMER 2014, Monopoly(TM) the Movie by Milton Bradley!

"Failed Wall Street Tycoon (Ben Stiller) mortgages off several of his properties to invest in "Park Place", only to find that his rival competitor is using Railroad price fixing to drive away potential customers. Can he and his trusty talking CGI Scottish Terrier sidekick Sparky, magic thimble, and anthropomorphic Bowler hat race past "Go!" in time to collect the 0million needed to keep Mr. Moneybags, who later reveals himself as an alien, from foreclosing? Can he win the beauty pageant? Give us all your money because you know that name recognition is the only thing that counts for entertainment anyway!"
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