|Hammer Falls |
Yep. This is part of a three picture deal for Hasbro board games. There will also be a Monopoly movie and a Candyland movie... wish I were making that up.
The Hungry Hungry Hippos movie had a lot more realism.
this trailer also features the ubiquitous white pegs from the board game, visible at 0:16
Did no one learn anything after Clue?
But Clue was awesome.
It is also probably the only board game in history that would make a good movie. Aside from Go, which is even now being adapted into the tragic tale of a land war fought along racial lines.
Nope, as a matter of fact there's a remake of the Clue movie in the works.
I guess some genius at Hasbro thought if they could do it with action figures they could do it with board games too.
Also, I could stop laughing throughout this trailer because it's a trailer for a 0 million film by Universal Pictures, yet it looks like a movie by The Asylum.
But Rihanna will be in it, so it actually has the potential to do well.
Holy Christ, it really did cost 0 million. What the fuck?
|Born in the RSR |
"YOU ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL CADET IN THE HISTORY OF THE NAVY SOMEHOW. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE!"
There's probably context for that but I bet it's just as stupid.
Did Battleship change since I last played it?
|The Mothership |
US Navy: Hey, Hollywood, how can we make the US Navy relevant to today's youth in 2011?
Hollywood: we'll have obsolete artillery ships fight a flying armed transforming alien humpback whale with a love-interest subplot and a crusty old admiral, and we'll tie it in with a board game that nobody plays.
US Navy: Fucking Sold.
Along the same lines is trying to promote the F22 in every single action movie of the past 10 years.
This clip is no longer available.
I think it was a dupe anyway and not even real, unless these people saw the fake Battleship movie trailer and thought someone had an awesome idea.
|Macho Nacho |
Even with the alien hump back whale ship the movie still looks boring.
This looks exactly like 2012 meets Transformers, complete with the obvious product tie-ins. Also, how often are we going to see alien technology burst out of the ground in front of stunned onlookers? That's quickly becoming the most cliché shot of this decade.
For once I would like a movie taking place in our universe...where we have been so deadened to special effects and the concept of alien invasion that the onlookers would not be surprised at all.
And there came a cry from the cynically unfazed crowd, "FAKE!"
My vote for most cliché shot of this decade goes to that pose that the hero does after jumping off of a building and landing in a crouch with one arm up in front of a bunch of villians. Then he/she swiftly raises his/her head up before killing them all. Can we get a montage of every movie that has done that?
Shot cliche of the decade actually goes to trailers: having various characters slowly stand up while staring in shock at something off camera. Double cliche points for doing this while 360 panning and fade to black transitions to the sound of a heartbeat.
My favorite is the surprise helicopter coming over a hill or into a shot unexpectedly with no audio until it is visible. Because, as we all know, helicopters do no make a sound unless you see them.
It's bad enough when you're playing a sandbox video game and they toss up invisible walls to keep you from exploring; this one just slaps you in the face with it.
What do you mean, "It's a movie?" You're telling me someone crossed Transformers with Stephen King's "Under the Dome" and they actually filmed it?
Humanity doesn't deserve to continue.
Didn't battleships get replaced by aircraft carriers before WW2 even ended
No, they're still around. How else will the whole defense budget get used up?
WW2 was when it was realised that giant monster ships were easy targets for ever-more advanced aircraft.
Also, this movie must have the line "You sunk my battleship" at some point.
Yeah, but the delivery will be all edgy like "You sunk my battleship, bitches!"
The USS New Jersey saw some use in Vietnam.
Giant phallic turrets are just sexier than aircraft carriers and missile frigates.
Just money that could be better spent on the Coast Guard.
Yeah, they could use higher quality lube for the all their buttsex drills.
The Missouri saw use in the Persian Gulf War. Although, by then it was primarily a cruise missile delivery platform.
this insane shit is nothing less than a reflection of the clientele who repeatedly pay to allow hollywood to full-force shit down their throats year after year.
??? It's - where I live in NJ.
So now I'm wondering just how ham-handedly they're going to have to shoe-horn in the phrase "you sunk my battleship" somewhere into the film.
On the other hand, I'm waiting for the movie-tie-in version of the game, where the other grid is filled with alien, whale-shaped ship things.
During the scene ripped straight from Independence Day where the guy in charge briefly communicates with the genocidal alien right before blowing it away.
|spiteful crow |
Meh, I'll wait for the inevitable Electronic Talking Battleship sequel.
Wait so this ISN'T a College Humor video? You're kidding right?
Wikipedia: "The estimated US0 million project..."
|Caminante Nocturno |
I like how Skyline was the exact same movie as this or Transformers, yet only cost million and was more enjoyable/less annoying.
just to be clear, before anybody goes off and wastes two hours, even compared to this and Transformers, Skyline was not enjoyable/non-annoying
FIRE ALL THE GUNS AT F8!
I think it'll come to something like that since the alien took out their computer weapons systems.
The aliens clearly trapped them in an electrical/magic dome, and their radars went out. That's why it's like battleship. They justified part of the plot being that they have to fire blindly within a closed area.
MacGyver Style Bomb
Something like that actually happens towards the end of Metal Gear Solid 4.
which, actually, given that this is a fucking feature-length adaptation of Battleship, is pretty clever
They'll probably call the sequel. "Battleship II: Electronic Talking Battleship from Milton Bradley Hasboro the Movie" It'll consist of another alien ship screaming its attacks out loud over a giant crackling loudspeaker during the final epic battle
I know a bunch of people who work or worked at Hasboro, and I plan to give them a stern talking to.
And a spanking.
I'm writing a treatment for "Uncle Wiggly: This Time It's Personal", so I might need some red-handed discipline too.
The pong movie is closer to become a reality.
|Jet Bin Fever |
COMING SUMMER 2014, Monopoly(TM) the Movie by Milton Bradley!
"Failed Wall Street Tycoon (Ben Stiller) mortgages off several of his properties to invest in "Park Place", only to find that his rival competitor is using Railroad price fixing to drive away potential customers. Can he and his trusty talking CGI Scottish Terrier sidekick Sparky, magic thimble, and anthropomorphic Bowler hat race past "Go!" in time to collect the 0million needed to keep Mr. Moneybags, who later reveals himself as an alien, from foreclosing? Can he win the beauty pageant? Give us all your money because you know that name recognition is the only thing that counts for entertainment anyway!"
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