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Desc:Noah meets a couple of speedbumps when trying to fulfill gods plan.
Category:Religious, Humor
Tags:God, logic, history, Noahs Ark, nonstampcollector
Submitted:kamlem
Date:08/08/11
Views:378
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Comment count is 5
simon666
NOOOOOOOOOO-OHHHHHHHHHH!
SteamPoweredKleenex
This, sadly, wouldn't convince the literalists. They'd start going on about miracles and so on, which makes the ark rather unnecessary in the first place.

I once had an idiot baptist try to convince me that the water which flooded the world had been contained in an "evaporated" form until needed, in spite of the tons of pressure that would have put upon everything on the Earth's surface. She had no explanation for where it went afterwards, either, but that wasn't surprising.
cognitivedissonance
Having spent 20 years in a KJV-only Baptist church, the consensus seems to be that he had to only take one of every family, because they'd adapt into their respective niches once they were on dry land. They happily seem to accept microevolutionary adaptation but seem to ignore evolution entirely. Also, it was noted that parasites and germs were a result of Biblical curses, meaning that frogs and flies didn't exist until the Ten Plagues of Egypt.

As for the water, the best explanation I've ever heard was that Hell used to be filled with water, and that the Earth didn't have any oceans, and everybody lived on top of Pangaea. When the flood happened, it rained, but the water shot out of Hell at the same time, in the hole that became the Atlantic Ocean afterwards. Naturally, this means that the Atlantis myth is true, and it was occupied by Nephilim. God's promise that he would never smite the world again with water meant that Hell had to be filled with fire, fire being the opposite of water, and that the Marianas Trench is actually a hole directly to Hell. Worms, by the way, come from this hole, because worms are a demonic species, for as it is written, Hell is where the "worm dieth not".

Everything I've typed here is something I have actually heard from a seemingly rational human being.

SteamPoweredKleenex
I'd love to hear the reason that amazing tale WASN'T included in the bible or in any historical documents, ever.

Robin Kestrel
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