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Comment count is 35
Old_Zircon - 2015-02-07

Liam Neeson


Raggamuffin - 2015-02-08

Here's hoping someone digs up his appearance on the Graham Norton show where he showed up completely baked and clearly having forgotten being in both this movie, and the same year's Wrath of the Titans.


Binro the Heretic - 2015-02-07

It's not a bad movie. Lord knows, it's not a GOOD movie, but it's not exactly a bad movie.

It's an I'm-flipping-channels-on-Sunday-and-it's-on-so-what-the-Hell-movie .


infinite zest - 2015-02-07

Can't wait to see what they do with Operation. Will Dr. House make an appearance?


Binro the Heretic - 2015-02-07

I like what HBO did with Monopoly. I think in the series finale, Enoch Thompson will finally acquire Park Place.


infinite zest - 2015-02-07

Haha.. but it was Johnson IRL.. I never understood why they'd change his name but leave other historical figures with theirs' like Al Capone and such. It's like when you're playing GTA and they talk about New York City, or when Batman goes to Hong Kong.


Binro the Heretic - 2015-02-08

I think it was because they drastically altered the character so much. Johnson was more of a corrupt official than a gangster. It's possible he may have ordered some people killed, but he never got his own hands bloody. Mostly, he just brought a lot of money into the state by allowing the casinos and restaurants to sell liquor in defiance of prohibition and peeled big wads of it off for himself.

After "Boardwalk Empire" is over and done with, I'd like to see them do a spin-off about Gaston Means and not just because Stephen Root is always fun to watch. The real-life Means was way more interesting than most of the fictionalized characters on the show.


infinite zest - 2015-02-08

I skipped around a lot on that show.. the last season finished up a few months ago. I understand that he's ruthless at times, but it's kind of a Walter White ruthlessness. Then again, that could be the character association: White's still Malcom's Dad and Thompson is still Donny from Big Lebowski.

This reminded me that Better Caul Saul premieres tonight, speaking of spin-offs. I'm really excited. Seems like HBO's been kind of hit-or-miss recently: The Leftovers was terrible, True Detective disappointed everyone (except me) and Girls and Looking are the same show and they both pretty much suck. Like, "hey let's take Sex and the City and make it about younger girls" and "hey let's take that idea we just had about taking Sex and the City making it about young girls and turn it into gay dudes." To be fair I haven't really watched either.. I don't feel like spending the time to watch people who are "so much like me," that's not why I watch a TV show. And The Newsroom was a great show but goddamn what was with the final episodes? I think the last episode of Full House made me cry more than that schlocky bull-ish.. hopefully True Detective 2 will cool, as long as they don't call it "2 Detective."


Killer Joe - 2015-02-07

That alien tech WAS shitty.
(And boat drifting.)


BHWW - 2015-02-08

Impractical design was all a part of this species weaponry, including targeting systems which would designate specific people and items to be no threat whenever it was convenient for the humans.


fluffy - 2015-02-07

OH I GET IT THE ALIEN BOMBS ARE SHAPED JUST LIKE THE GAMEPLAY PIECES

AND THEY TOTALLY SAID THEY AINT GONNA SHIP THIS BATTLESHIP WHICH IS JUST LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF IN THAT AD

17 BILLION STARS

I'm surprised they didn't try to work the coordinate system into it though.


Wander - 2015-02-07

Shit, your reply is even formatted the same as mine.

5 stars.


EvilHomer - 2015-02-08

When the alien is targeting Battleship, if you look at the water there is a coordinate grid overlay.


Nominal - 2015-02-08

Oh, but they did in an earlier scene!

The aliens were jamming the guidance to their missiles or whatever. So they tapped into the tsunami buoy sensor system to see where the alien ships were. It was all in a grid display and they yelled out grid coordinates according to where the buoys said the alien boats were at.

It's also worth mentioning that this battleship is being crewed by a dozen or so WWII vets who just happened to be there for a ceremony. They perfectly remember how to run the ship and are able to teach a dozen or so younger sailors how to do it in something like 10 minutes before they set sail manning the ship meant to be crewed by thousands with less than 50 people.


fluffy - 2015-02-08

I need to never, ever watch this movie.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2015-02-08

I need to see the Rifftrax version of this movie.


Binro the Heretic - 2015-02-08

Fluffy, if you don't watch this movie, you won't get to see an army vet with two prosthetic legs beat the shit out of an alien in power armor.

Don't rush out and rent it or stream it or anything, but if you get the chance to watch it for free, do so.


fluffy - 2015-02-08

Okay, sounds like a perfect RiffTrax movie.


Wander - 2015-02-07

so the alien bombs actually look like the battleship pegs

and they hit part of the ship but it's fine cause you have to hit all 4 segments see

and the alien ship is guessing where the battleship is but it doesn't know right

see cause it's like the game

how did this movie turn out worse than I image


oddeye - 2015-02-07

How the fuck did that anchor instantly stop a battleship without a bunch of shit breaking?


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2015-02-07

The Navy invented drifting, you know.


Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-02-07

This movie is a mess.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2015-02-08

At least they gave Gollum a spaceship.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2015-02-07

I assume this is an edit of scenes and the old codger DIDN'T teleport from wherever he said they weren't going to sink the battleship to a position topside firing a deck gun?


fedex - 2015-02-09

you assume....wrong


Hooker - 2015-02-07

Powersliding a battleship was the best part of this movie and with the Thunderstruck sequence which I think was supposed to make a bunch of Navy vets look sexy, I think?, the only part of the movie that could be enjoyed under any context.


Cena_mark - 2015-02-08

I watched this with a bunch of coasties and it was fun hearing them rip it apart.
The song in the end credits is Fortunate Son, which also gave me laughs.


EvilHomer - 2015-02-08

Sure, Coasties will rip it apart. They've never seen moves like this.

That's because this right here is the sort of stuff you do in the Navy, not the Coast Guard.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2015-02-08

Why isn't there a cereal with little crunchy frosted boats and marshmallow sharks that turn the milk blue called "Post Coasties?"

Why isn't this a thing? It needs to be a thing.


Kabbage - 2015-02-08

You know, the actual IDEA they came up with for this movie wasn't terrible, in a dumb action movie kind of way. Both sides were supposed to be blind somehow, and they had to use old-timey Battleship The Board Game rules to figure out where the enemy was and hit them. There's a charm in the concept of a modern crew being stuck with an old, shitty battleship and having to blow up half-broken alien spaceships.

But then they kinda just ditch the concept for this.


Vaidency - 2015-02-08

The movie is modestly entertaining in a funny and stupid way and the best thing about it is all the ridiculous things they force into it in order to conform to the rules of the boardgame. Honestly, it's probably about the best movie they could have made starting from such a terrible place.

A much better idea for a "Battleship" movie would have just been a dramatization of the Battle of Jutland, but I'm sure we'll never see a big-budget version of that.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2015-02-08

I would've done something along the lines of "The Philadelphia Experiment," but that's just me.


oddeye - 2015-02-08

A hardcore, super-tense character driven thriller based around the world championship finals of "The Battleship" where players must play a deadly version of "Battleship" via the medium of virtual reality and/or time travel.

In the end the android player wins but spares the human player admitting that humans are superior because they can love.


SolRo - 2015-02-08

make the android be a sexy girl, and the human a nerd, add awkward attempts at teenage romance. Then fill a pool with the money you just printed.


Sludge Vohaul - 2022-11-13

I am going to make it my life's work to activate 'shitty alien technology'.


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