Fortunately, I never saw this movie because Ellen Page was kind enough to hold up an invisible sign throughout Hard Candy that just said "DON'T WATCH ANY OF MY MOVIES EVER." But yeah, this is basically exactly how I imagined this shit.
Juno was not funny. Juno was a laborious and self conscious effort in witty preciousness written by a narcissistic hack who by virtue of her Oscar will unfortunately continue to takes cinematic dumps into the eager mouths of the execs at Fox Searchlight and Sony Pictures Classics for at least another three or four more movies.