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Desc:Uh oh!
Category:Military, Crime
Tags:Gun, CIA, whistleblower, heart attack
Submitted:Space Helicopter
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Comment count is 20
Her boss had a hook for a hand! Ladies and gentlemen, supervillains exist!
Sudan no1
so this is what happened to Andrew Breitbart and the Monkees guy, right?
If you spend any time on the internet you will quickly learn that no celebrity dies of natural causes, ever.

Actually, this is already a "thing." Apparently Obama had Breitbart "assassinated" because of a speech he gave ages ago in which he called Obama naughty names. So, he got the CIA to kill him years later....WHICH PROVES HE'S MUSLIM AND A REPTILIAN.

Syd Midnight
"This has been proven using frogs" is my new favorite non sequitur.


A dude with a hook for a hand would open all his own mail with unmatched zeal.
Andrew Breibart was a furious lunatic who was incredibly angry at everything, all the time. How could he possibly get a heart attack?
Rodents of Unusual Size
And svelte. Don't forget svelte.

past history of cocaine abuse, possibility he was still using

Good band name: Heart Attack Gun
With good first album name: CIA Whistleblower.
To be fair, the band named CIA Whistleblower ruined their mystique by only playing pan flutes, slide whistles, and those noisemakers with the little fan inside that go "wheeeEEEEEEeeee..."

Is there any way to verify what she's saying? Did we really blow up a bridge "somewhere in Asia" with a country we weren't at war with?

Not that I don't believe her, but it seems like it would be something that's easily verifiable.
Space Helicopter
Yeah, see how many AP reporters are willing to report on blown-up bridges near the strongholds of narco-terrorists.

Before her hook-handed boss came along, bridges were indestructible. They tried to put the explosives everywhere: directly on top of the bridge, strapped to the sides, suspended several feet above it using helicopters... nothing.

Then he cracked the code and unleashed hell. Warfare has never been the same.

Jet Bin Fever
Meanwhile, he repeatedly tapped the "Free Thought Alarm" button with his good hand.
Oh you sweet dumb thing, you'll figure it out some day. Meanwhile the big boys will blow up bridges and run countries for you.
I like how she treats the knowledge of how to demolish things with bombs like a super secret ninja art, which is commonly used every day by people trained in the demolitions industry. They are know to sometimes blow up things like bridges, perhaps you know about them!

Syd Midnight
The poison is ricin; it was encased in wax, not "frozen"; the CIA's shitty battery-powered gun didn't work because it couldn't penetrate clothing; the KGB did it to dissidents by jabbing them with a CO2-powered umbrella gun; even it had problems penetrating thick clothing; the tiny dart was left behind, which how they got caught; I read all about it at the library back in the '80s while reading about kickass poisons.

Just sayin', on the Cold War Secrets and Library Research scales, she rates below a teenager in a Slayer t-shirt looking for cool war books at the local library. This has been proven using frogs.

I would have so fired her after the first week
Caminante Nocturno
She's a terrible liar.

Absolutely terrible.
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