|Rodents of Unusual Size |
what don't we got
you know damn well
what don't we got
there's nothing like a dame
(cue bodybuilder with STEW POT shirt)
(cue hot guys hiding behind sign saying LOOK BUT DO NOT TOUCH)
There is nothing like a daaaaaame
to ruin my hard on while I caaaaaaaame
That was the advice from Pope Jerome.
|John Holmes Motherfucker |
The homoeroticism doesn't seem accidental. This is a great joke for 1958. Is the rest of the movie this awesome?
Oh, it's fantastic. The entire movie is about how some wet-behind-the ears lieutenant knocks up a tween who speaks no English and then dies. The other story arc is about a white chick who BRAVELY OVERCOMES her bigotry against her French lover's half-breed children.
I want to talk about my own thing here.
See the guy with "Stew Pot" on his shirt? He's an actor named Ken Clark. Ken Clark starred in a series of Eurospy movies as secret agent Dick Maloy, or "secret agent 077." He also did three other Eurospy movies playing "other" characters like "Dick Worth." I have watched _a lot_ of Eurospy movies, and while some individual movies are better than any of the Ken Clark ones, no Eurospy lead was ever better than Ken Clark. He would leer at women and grin like an idiot child. He always had a revolting mass of back hair. When he ran, he looked like Michael Palin's Gumby character. His constant witticisms were moronic.
Some favourite moments:
- From the Dick Worth movie. He was following his target, who went into a woman's apartment. When he entered the apartment, the suspect had shot the woman dead. The fought, and the suspect escaped, knocking Dickworth to the ground, holding the suspect's gun. The police entered to just see the corpse and Dickworth holding a gun. Dickworth diffused the situation with: "There was a man here. It's his gun."
- Dick Maloy was at a night club and he wanted to cause a bar fight to cover up some surreptitious spy thing he was going to do. So he approached a sailor (with his trademark shit-eating idiot grin) and had the following conversation:
Maloy: "Are you Sicilian?"
"Are you married?"
"YOU'RE A CUCOLD!"
*fight breaks out*
- My personal, all-time favourite Maloy moment. One of his Q-devices was a spy camera. It was built into his belt buckle, and to operate it, he had to flip open the buckle to reveal the lense, then pull a string (or something) to take a picture. He used the device in a dingy restaurant. First, he got up from his table and moved to a dark corner of the room. Then he fiddled with his belt. Then, he started rapidly moving his right hand in up and down the front of his pants to take a bunch of pictures. All of this was done while he was staring intently at his target.
He was also in 12 To The Moon, which is a wonderful badfilm masterpiece (featured on MST3k as well).
3:03-3:10 is as gay as anything in Can't Stop the Music..
2:48 and 3:38.
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