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Desc:Teen girl asks Larry from the Three Stooges how he screwed her mother when he's gay.
Category:Humor, None
Tags:comedy, Sitcoms, nbc, lame, sean hayes
Submitted:themilkshark
Date:02/11/14
Views:1384
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Comment count is 21
Old_Zircon
This is awful and deserves to be here but I don't get the Three Stooges reference in the description at all.
Old_Zircon
Oh wait, they did that movie last year didn't they?

themilkshark
Yep, and he was grotesquely unfunny.

Hooker
It seems inconceivable that Roseanne and Married... with Children and their houses that looked like people lived in it ever made it onto TV.

I'm tempted to ask why TV producers think something so sterile, both in literal look and in overall tone, could actually survive. But then there's the absurdly popular Lorre shows, so whatever. I'll continue to not watch TV.
That guy
Good policy.
Break it sometimes, though. The very, very best show are good.

Ranma X.
That was more laugh track than dialogue.
The Mothership
Aggressively unfunny. 5 stars.
Sexy Duck Cop
My dad was a closeted gay man to everyone but me, and we actually had this conversation, only without the laughtrack. And he initiated it, not me. And I was 9. And it involved a lot of crying and clutching the steering wheel in a Kroger parking lot.
Jack Dalton
CBS would like to buy your story for a new sitcom starring Jim Belushi.

That guy
um... holy crap?

oddeye
That's a lot to put on a 9 year old but at the same time I can get where your father was coming from.

Jack Dalton
In all seriousness--did that bring you closer to your dad, and/or was that secret a huge burden (especially that young!)?

Sexy Duck Cop
I'm not gonna lie, being raised by a single mom and a gay dad was pretty much exactly as horrible and mind-warping as conservatives want you to believe. My father was fifteen kinds of gay: Raver Gay, Campy John Waters Gay, Neurotic Psychotherapy Enthusiast Gay, Depressed Southerner Haunted By His Past Gay, Madonna Gay, Glo-Stix Gay, AIDS Gay. As a kid, I saw way too much way too soon, but my dad, who openly told me the sole reason he had me was an unsuccessful attempt to cure his gayness, saw me as more of an unpaid therapist than a son.

His life story read like something you'd find an amateur screenwriter pecking away at from his seat at Caribou Coffee. Raised in an enormous family of abusive yet comically stereotypical hillbillies who apparently liked to shout FAGGOTS DESERVE TO DIE. GOOD THING I DON'T KNOW ANY at random times, he pulled himself out of poverty and became an engineer in Michigan. However, his childhood was very Traumatic and Deeply Affected His Development, as he liked to remind me every fifteen seconds, so whenever he'd say or do something horrible, which was frequent, he'd immediately blame his trauma and monologue about his Quest For Identity some more. Nobody knew how to make gay people less sympathetic than him.

My parents divorced when I was 3, but whenever he had me for the weekends there were so many goddamned glow sticks and costumes and leather boots and "Art" films and Amistan Maupin novels and erotic drag queen mix tapes and .jpegs of butts lying around it was like staying in a haunted apartment of cock. He usually tried to clean up, but I still found his stuff or overheard him talking about rimming a guy in the next room while I played whatever Genesis game he rented to keep me busy so he could cyber on AOL. I know what he was doing because he frequently forgot to close the windows.

So to answer your question, the latter.

That guy
...makin' memories.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I would so much rather watch that. I mean, Sean Hayes is great as a walking stereotype and all, but...your dad could give Sean Hayes lessons on how to make middle America uncomfortable.

Unfortunately it deprived you of your childhood. Did you ever confront him on any of this? On being an emotional soundboard?

Sexy Duck Cop
RoUS: Funny story. A few weeks before he died we had an apocalyptic fight over just that. As a former Republican, my dad was prone to racist/classist outbursts, but as a Deeply Troubled Man Who's Just Hurting Inside, he would actually get into shouting matches with his target rather than ranting in private. (I first heard the word "nigger" while taking a nap in his car. I had no idea what it meant but Christ almighty I knew it was ugly.) (Also one time I was watching the Smurfs as a kid and Gargamel had Smurfette in the palm of his hand. My dad launched into an inexplicable murder fantasy where Gargamel tore off her arms and shoved the bleeding stumps down her sobbing throat. I was 7.)

So when I was 17, towards the end of my biweekly trips to his place, he went off on a particularly nasty tirade about how he wanted to be the Arab Hitler and march all of them--yes, even the babies, he snarled--into gas chambers. I told him enough, this is repulsive, why would anyone want to spend time with you, etc. And of course he immediately breaks down into simpering I'm In So Much Psychic Distress mode and literally, LITERALLY starts sucking his thumb. Because of all the psychology.

I lost it. I told him he was long past the point of sympathy, that he never took responsibility for his actions, that everything was a result of his Tragic Childhood, that he gave people no reason to like him, all of that. And for one serene moment a look washed over him that told me he actually listened. He paused for a moment, then quietly said "You're right. You're absolutely right. I do take too much responsibility for things I can't control." Then I flipped out, did a lone jumping jack of disbelief, and squawked "NO!!!!!! NO!!! OPPOSITE!!! I MEAN GET OFF THE FUCKING CROSS!!!!"

It was an uncomfortable weekend.

Sexy Duck Cop
RoUS: Funny story. A few weeks before he died we had an apocalyptic fight over just that. As a former Republican, my dad was prone to racist/classist outbursts, but as a Deeply Troubled Man Who's Just Hurting Inside, he would actually get into shouting matches with his target rather than ranting in private. (I first heard the word "nigger" while taking a nap in his car. I had no idea what it meant but Christ almighty I knew it was ugly.) (Also one time I was watching the Smurfs as a kid and Gargamel had Smurfette in the palm of his hand. My dad launched into an inexplicable murder fantasy where Gargamel tore off her arms and shoved the bleeding stumps down her sobbing throat. I was 7.)

So when I was 17, towards the end of my biweekly trips to his place, he went off on a particularly nasty tirade about how he wanted to be the Arab Hitler and march all of them--yes, even the babies, he snarled--into gas chambers. I told him enough, this is repulsive, why would anyone want to spend time with you, etc. And of course he immediately breaks down into simpering I'm In So Much Psychic Distress mode and literally, LITERALLY starts sucking his thumb. Because of all the psychology.

I lost it. I told him he was long past the point of sympathy, that he never took responsibility for his actions, that everything was a result of his Tragic Childhood, that he gave people no reason to like him, all of that. And for one serene moment a look washed over him that told me he actually listened. He paused for a moment, then quietly said "You're right. You're absolutely right. I do take too much responsibility for things I can't control." Then I flipped out, did a lone jumping jack of disbelief, and squawked "NO!!!!!! NO!!! OPPOSITE!!! I MEAN GET OFF THE FUCKING CROSS!!!!"

It was an uncomfortable weekend.

dairyqueenlatifah
It's depressing that this dude's career didn't die with Will & Grace.
Rodents of Unusual Size
When this first debuted I got really excited and then my excitement quickly faded as I realized that being gay and fairly sheltered I couldn't really relate to literally any aspect of that show. It's a cartoon essentially, and even though it had its moments I had to stop watching within the first season. And I was starved for anything that represented how I felt and who I was.

Frustrated Fag Hag and Gay Guy Who Never Has Sex was too long a title, I guess.

TheOtherCapnS
Ah, the Safe for Network TV Gay Guy. Completely sexless and FA-LAAAAAAA-MING (but not in an in-your-face way like at a pride parade.)

Jet Bin Fever
LOL. HOW AWKWARD.
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