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Desc:Keep your level 5 tome of magic words to combat the darkness right in your pocket!
Category:Educational, Religious
Tags:satan, iphone, lol xians, magical thinking
Submitted:StanleyPain
Date:07/31/14
Views:895
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Comment count is 17
Oscar Wildcat
The Apple falls not far from the Tree. Repent, Sinner. For Linus has come.
infinite zest
Those push notifications from the Simpsons Tapped Out Game are annoying enough.
EvilHomer
Are they still doing that shit? I haven't played Tapped Out since the Christmas update, when their server fucked up my save and EA support refused to help. ("We no longer offer phone support for this game! Instead, use this helpful Generic FAQ and/or wait for three weeks and hope somebody is assed enough to email you back!") Fuck you, EA. I spent ten bucks on Booberella and then you snarfed my game.

Anyway, this app doesn't seem that evil. A bit dumb, but I know some middle-aged Christian women, the sort who like inspirational posters and Dr Phil, who'd probably enjoy this. Is it a paid app, or is it ad supported? And if it's ad supported, what kinds of ads do you think it'll be Pushing?

infinite zest
you'll have to buy more donuts

EvilHomer
I played that stupid game for like a year straight without buying any fucking donuts. No matter how hard they tried to nag me; it's like, hello? You're gonna charge me ONE HUNDRED fucking dollars for enough microcurrency to unlock maybe one-fifth of the shit on what is really nothing more than Farmville with a cooler license? Seriously, I cannot believe how stupid EA thinks it's customers are.

But then they release the Elvira background character, and I'm like... no, I shouldn't. No, I... well, it *is* Elvira, and I *have* been enjoying the game, despite all the Push ads. Maybe it'd be OK if I gave them ten bucks? Just once?

And then BOOM, like a week later, the game crashes during one of it's server saves and everything gets reset to the intro. (LOL SOFTWARE AS A SERVICE LOL WE TROLL U fuck you and your cloud, gimme back by local data saves) Wasn't even the first time that happened, but the other time, EA actually had a phone representative available, and I was able to resolve the issue in only about three calls and six hours on hold. (say what you want about EA's customer service, the reps are troopers, Celestia bless 'em) I learned my lesson, boy howdy; when you know something's wrong and stupid, don't do it. Even if it's for the sake of cartoon Elvira tits.

infinite zest
Heh I play a lot of pinball and was trying to track down the Elvira's tits DOHO image for a while.

infinite zest
It's actually an interesting idea though. Imagine an app that worked like a suicide hotline. It'd be talking to a robot like Siri but it'd scan the entire internets for something that related to what was bothering you, finding some story that was relative to your problem, thereby making you realize that you're not the only one.. things like that.
EvilHomer
But what if someone hacks the app to respond with "DO IT FAGGOT"?!

infinite zest
good point. I think that person should've been using the Shut Up Devil iOS app tho :)

oddeye
If you live in fear of someone else ruining your pure creation that you have made with the best of intentions then you never make anything in the first place.

Syd Midnight
Eventually someone will expand upon this idea and create a sort of "electronic minister" program that dynamically gives Bible-based advice and reminders throughout the day, based upon a person's activities, mood, location etc. and tuned to their specific religious sect.

Put enough funding behind it in 1 generation you would have the ability to remotely control millions of people via the internet to a degree that only clerics and cult leaders normally can. Then we can start making religion work for us. We'll be long dead by the time it goes rogue and becomes an evil AI computer god.

wtf japan
Hey devil, the 90s called and... hang on a second... *flip flip flip*
TeenerTot
OK, so where's the "shut up christian proselytizer" one?
oddeye
I'd get one of these if it quotes all the incest parts an stuff. For when you need that extra boost that strangling yourself alone doesn't give.
sasazuka
Here's an article about this app on THE BLAZE (yeah, Glenn Beck's news site, I know; I like the site, but I always take anything there with a grain of salt, although it's a site that's upfront about its biases).

http://goo.gl/PK8phx

>“‘The Shut Up, Devil!’ app is inspired by my own journey through
>spiritual warfare,” Winkler told TheBlaze. “A couple years ago, I
>awoke to a series of condemning thoughts and nagging
>accusations, reminding me of my every sin since potty training.
>The constant negative thoughts made me feel disqualified to be
>used of God, and nearly caused me to walk away from ministry.”

Maybe it's my own confirmation bias talking, but that sounds like mild paranoid schizophrenia.
Syd Midnight
I think that you can cultivate something similar to schizophrenia in a physically "healthy" mind if you raise them to believe that disembodied voices and ghosts and demons are real and are the basis of their reality.

I think if the people who love and care for you the most teach you that there's something wrong with you if you DON'T hear voices and have seizures in church, it's understandable for most people to psych themselves into it and grow up warped, as opposed to saying "This is bullshit" and getting beaten and abused and possibly cast out.

Quad9Damage
And here I thought the entire Apple Store was a Shut Up Devil! app.
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