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Desc:Ouch!
Category:Humor
Tags:College Humor, circumscision, adam ruins everything
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:01/18/15
Views:1424
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Comment count is 36
chairsforcheap - 2015-01-18
jesus christ i didn't realize that... that kind of did ruin everything. fair enough.
Prickly Pete - 2015-01-18
Uncircumcised dicks DO look weird.
Bobonne - 2015-01-18
And once they get erect, the foreskin retracts, and they look as weird as non-circumcised dicks.

Honestly, I'd take an un-circumcised flaccid dick over a circumcised one any day. At least they're just a dangly tube of skin, rather than a bunch of glans all over the place.

Jet Bin Fever - 2015-01-21
Whatever floats your boat, I spose.

ashtar. - 2015-01-18
I don't really care one way or the other. But, circumcision is a great hand grenade to toss into internet forums. Guaranteed acrimony and former friends at each others throats!

Luckily we're like that all the time here, so the inevitable argument about it will have no effect.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-01-18
MRAs love to talk about how female circumcision is considered barbaric, but male circumcision is accepted. However you feel about male circumcision, the two practices are light years apart, and mentioning them together is either misleading or dumb.

Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2015-01-19
"male circumcision is accepted" - only in a handful of whackball countries.

Nominal - 2015-01-19
I was about to ask how you could forget Sarkessian and gamer gate, but JHMF was already on the case to yet again tie his favorite boogie man into the topic at hand. The dastardly plot to turn women into second class citizens by...banning male infant circumcision? The fuck kind of Cobra Commander shit plan is that?

Now all we need is Bort mentioning that calling Megyn Kelly an inflammatory idiot is proof of a nerd conspiracy to keep women out of broadcast news.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-01-19
What?

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-01-19
>>I was about to ask how you could forget Sarkessian and gamer gate, but JHMF was already on the case to yet again tie his favorite boogie man into the topic at hand.

It's so ironic that you can accuse me of that while dragging Anita into the conversation! The topic at hand was crazy internet forum arguments.

>>The dastardly plot to turn women into second class citizens by...banning male infant circumcision? The fuck kind of Cobra Commander shit plan is that?

What?

EvilHomer - 2015-01-19
Yes, yes, it is all going according to plan. Muahahaha!

*strokes fedora with paw*

Shoebox Joe - 2015-01-19
Nominal, if there's any reason why I find the objectivist view point anointed by Gamergate discussions meaningless and underhanded is when it ends up defending shit that is just rhetorically fucking philosophical as the uber feminists themselves.

infinite zest - 2015-01-18
Weird. I even read TC Boyle's Road to Wellville and although it was a while ago, I don't think it mentioned anything about Kellogg advocating circumcision. Normally I see the CH logo and run in the opposite, but all of these have been pretty interesting and relatively funny.

I always thought that the circumcised dong was better for clitoral stimulation though.
Raggamuffin - 2015-01-18
I'm kind of having trouble picturing how whether your top is popped or not effects the clitoris?

Meerkat - 2015-01-18
What you do is you envelop the clitoris in the folds of your foreskin and then put your thumb between your index and middle fingers and when your date asks where her clitoris went you say "GOT IT GOT YOUR CLITORIS" and show her your thumb poking between your fingers.

This is called "earmiting".

infinite zest - 2015-01-18
Hehe. Guess it kinda depends but more of a mushroom top vs. a tube would ostensibly brush up against the clit more, making that more hands free so to speak. In other words, you have an extra hand for texting other babes if your dick's working for two.. I dunno. :)

Jet Bin Fever - 2015-01-21
Almost everything said in this is false, but I guess if that's your thing.

And no, I'm not a militant circumcision guy either... I just think science should be respected and not oversimplified.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-01-18
According to wikipedia, the truth about Kellogg and circumcision is bother is both better and worse than portrayed in the video:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision_controversies

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg recommended circumcision of boys caught masturbating, writing: "A remedy for masturbation which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision, especially when there is any degree of phimosis. The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering anaesthetic, as the pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment." (page 295) But he was opposed to routine circumcision of infants: "It is doubtful, however, whether as much harm as good does not result from circumcision, since it has been shown by extensive observation among the Jews that very great contraction of the meatus, or external orifice of the urethra, is exceedingly common among them, being undoubtedly the result of the prolonged irritation and subsequent cicatricial contraction resulting from circumcision in infancy."
EvilHomer - 2015-01-19
Huh. Is that why y'all need lube?

Old_Zircon - 2015-01-19
My oldest uncle was treated for masturbation by the family doctor in the mid 40s.

First they gave my grandparents a ottle of blue dye that was to be applied to his penis nightly so that if he touched it in the night it would stain his hands blue and they could discipline him for masturbating. When that didn't work I am pretty sure he was given one of those genital cuff things that German and Austrian doctors endorsed in the 19th century, but a progressive modern one that didn't have spikes inside. I heard the story a long time ago though, so I might be wrong, it might have been more of just a regular old (non-fetishy) male chastity belt, i.e. thick canvas boxer briefs that you can't take off without a key.

Point is, the first generation of Americans to be born with any kind of chance at not being completely fucked up about sex isn't even 50 yet.

Gmork - 2015-01-18
lol @ militant anti-circumcision types.
1394 - 2015-01-18
Death to all sheath-lords.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-01-18
HANDS OFF OUR PENISES!

http://arresteddevelopment.wikia.com/wiki/H.O.O.P.

EvilHomer - 2015-01-19
God, you are all such Americans.
Gmork - 2015-01-19
Every statement about america is a statement about the world. America doesn't belong to one race or religion - it's the supreme melting pot.

All the terrible faults with our country are a group effort by all the cultures of the world who've settled here. Equal opportunity fuckery.

EvilHomer - 2015-01-19
You can't blame MGM on any immigrant cultures. The American obsession with MGM is homegrown; it's all on you.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-01-19
>>The dastardly plot to turn women into second class citizens by...banning male infant circumcision? The fuck kind of Cobra Commander shit plan is that?

I don't know, but I'm in favor of it. If infant circumcision could be banned, with a religious exception, I'd be fine with that. Anyone else have an opinion?

Does anyone know of a male who was circumcised as an adult, and it wasn't a religious thing? I've never heard of that, and it seems to me, if having a foreskin was really some kind of hassle, someone somewhere would choose to get rid of it.

I was told that I was circumcised because it lowered the chance of cancer of the penis. But how common is penis cancer to begin with? I don't know, but I suppose when you're looking at your little baby son, preventing disease looms larger than the prospect of the kid having really hot sex.

Shoebox Joe - 2015-01-19
Gmork, you do realize the inherent fault with objectivism is that it defends the score keeping of it's subjects by ignoring it, right?

Nominal - 2015-01-19
I always felt the only ones qualified to speak on this issue are men who were circumcised in adulthood and know the before and after difference.
oddeye - 2015-01-19
Who the fuck cares??
Old_Zircon - 2015-01-19
So many of the best-feeling things that can be done to a penis require a foreskin. I'd sooner give up my big toes, and it's a bummer that so many men in the US are denied such an excellent resource.

I don't know about a ban necessarily since as a general rule the fewer laws the better (although I do think it's kind of fucked up that it's done so long before someone is capable of giving informed consent), but I DO think that at the very least people should actually be given real, fact-based information about the realities of the procedure so they can make an informed decision on behalf of their child. Because once that thing's gone, it's not coming back.

Shoebox Joe - 2015-01-19
I agree with Zircon and I would also like to point to Oddeye that people do adopt rationalizations over time. It wouldn't be surprising if circumcision was something new to Judaism as much as "Don't talk about Jesus/depict Muhummad"

That tense of "Let things be" in this case is going to bite you in your ass Oddeye.

Jet Bin Fever - 2015-01-21
Haha, you stole my comment oddeye... though I was going to go with "Who the fuck cares?" Close enough!

Old_Zircon - 2015-01-19
According to a text by an early medieval rabbi whose name I forget, printed in Norman Cantor's "The Medieval Reader," the reason the Jewish penis is superior is because it is sinful for a woman to experience pleasure from sex, and whereas an uncircumcised Christian man will last all night, a Jewish man is done before the woman even knows he started, thereby saving her from the sin of enjoying sex.
Old_Zircon - 2015-01-19
What I'm getting at here is that primary source material suggest that even religious circumcision "in biblical times" was most likely for the same reasons cited in this video, not because of hygiene.

The fact that "hygiene" in biblical times meant "don't use your ass wiping hand when you eat" is also a dead giveaway. The modern concept of Hygiene" is only a couple centuries old. Leeuwenhoek wasn't even born until the mid 17th Century.

Jet Bin Fever - 2015-01-21
That stuff about "no real benefits" is completely untrue and has been backed up by many epidemiological studies.
Here's the CDC's take and recommendation for it.

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pdf/prevention_research_malecircumcisio n.pdf

And don't forget the fun of a phimosis and foreskin infections. They act like it doesn't happen, but anyone who has worked in a primary care office knows that foreskin shit happens all the time.
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