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Desc:Plenty of seats empty in the theater. So many seats.
Category:Classic Movies, Humor
Tags:fantastic four, stretch armstrong, RedLetterMedia, red letter media
Submitted:BHWW
Date:08/10/15
Views:1181
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DOWN WITH DEMOCRACY
Comment count is 28
Nominal
Damn, someone took a look at the last Fantastic Four movies and thought, "How can we make it even MORE miscast?"
Rodents of Unusual Size
I call it the CW Syndrome

Nominal
"He vowed to only use his powers to be a dick to fellow air travelers."

Two Jar Slave
Five for their late-August malaise.
infinite zest
And it's still early august!

That being said, I do kind of want to check out Mission Impossible Whatever They're On Now. I was never a fan of FF the way I was of other superheroes like Batman, or even Grant Morrison Superman, but what I liked about a different movie, Mad Max Fury Road, was that you didn't have to be a fan. You didn't have to care. And it was great that way.

I don't know, I feel kind of bad that so many of these big budget franchise movies are flopping so hard this summer, because there was a lot of effort put into them by a lot of surely talented people, but maybe this summer's a good lesson on how not to make big budget movies, if nothing else, Mad Max and Mission Impossible kind of being the professors.

boner
On the other hand, who cares?

infinite zest
THOSE OF US WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS THAT'S WHO!

Bort
"That being said, I do kind of want to check out Mission Impossible Whatever They're On Now."

This is the movie you need to see:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXTH9rIrHpc

infinite zest
Haha yes.

Hegemony Cricket
Tanked crank Trank stank
Bootymarch
Punchable indeed:

http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/interviews/a36894/ miles-teller-interview-0915/
Lef
Punch-able indeed, I got 2 paragraphs in and decided if I ever meet him I will shank him in the liver.

Xenocide
Well, at least you can enjoy the knowledge that he's shanked his own career in the liver.

gmol
I don't know if the producers were aware of mvc3's effective canonization of Dr. Doom. The one in the film looks awful, they needed to build off of the mvc3 version.
Nikon
Agreed. A good version of Dr. Doom would be great to see in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi86yeXB9pI

Killer Joe
Doom is a megalomaniac phantom of the opera with tech-magic with a gypsy/freedom fighter upbringing.
How is that possible to screw up? 4 times? God damn!

gmol
didn't say it wold be easy. I think they would have had to make him a cyborg to get him as metally as he should be.

Xenocide
He's also got the most easy motivation to understand: Reed fucked up his face. Now he's gonna kill Reed! It took Josh Trank two hours to not explain that.

Bort
Well, Reed told Doom that his gizmo was going to blow up, and Doom didn't believe him, so when it blew up Doom assumed Reed sabotaged it.

They are the Goofus and Gallant of hubris: Doom can't accept that he made a mistake and blames everyone else, Reed takes responsibility even for things that he couldn't have anticipated.

Bort
If you're going to do an FF movie, there is a natural character arc you can and should do, but it sounds like they blew it here. That arc is Reed's: he starts out with confidence and even hubris that he has all the angles covered for his space flight (or whatever); when the cosmic ray event (or whatever) screws up his friends he remains confident that he can fix it; eventually he realizes that sometimes you can't fix your mistakes and all you can do is help shoulder the burden.

But it looks like this movie chose the route of including Dr. Doom on Reed's little project, so almost certainly the project went awry because of Doom. That is always a mistake; it takes away from Reed being fallible and having to learn from it.

I figure that an FF movie is likely to be something like the "Captain America" movie, which was really two back-to-back movies (The Origin and The Ongoing Campaign Against Hydra). The Origin gets us to the point of Reed realizing how he's screwed up his friends' lives (even Johnny and Sue, who can never live normal quiet lives again), and recommending that they dedicate themselves to a cause that will at least give their new lives some meaning.

Second movie is ... ? The temptation is always to have Dr. Doom, but he leans a bit much on backstory. I would be tempted to look at the Mole Man for inspiration, come up with something comparable that isn't completely stupid, and that's what the FF are up against. The resolution isn't that they kill the villain, though; this should be a villain who ultimately is trying to find some place in the world for himself and his people, and the FF help them find it. That's a "twist" as far as superhero movies go, it fits thematically with the first half, and it at least milks some good from the FF's trials and tribulations.
Bort
And by the way, if they want to make Johnny Storm black, fine. But why keep Sue Storm white? The adoption angle seems forced, but then again, maybe they were worried about Reed kissing a black woman.

yogarfield
holy crap i am stuck in your beard

Xenocide
Yeah, but if Sue is black, and Thing is made of rocks, then there's only one white-lookin' person on your movie poster! People will assume the movie is dangerous, and police officers will shoot the poster on sight and claim it reached for their gun.

Bort
If Johnny has Flamed On and Sue is using her powers, we can hide their blackness enough so people will feel safe.

I just realized they can fight the Super Skrull. Imagine how retarded he would look. You don't even have to imagine, here he is:

http://www.aric-dacia.com/dcu/super_skrull.jpg

Lurchi
you know, Siskel and Ebert got through 4 or 5 movies in the same amount of time
Caminante Nocturno
And now they're dead.

infinite zest
Ebert was pretty much my go-to guy for movies, and Siskel was great too, but I never liked the show for that very reason.

Caminante Nocturno
Because they're dead?

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