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Desc:I wasn't even jerkin' off...
Category:Horror, Humor
Tags:BUSTED, Walmart gas station, jerkin off
Submitted:mosif
Date:09/20/15
Views:1762
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Comment count is 42
Hooker
The last benefit of working at Walmart is now gone.
infinite zest
When they made the prices fall, I did not speak, because I was rich and did not care. Then they came for the employees, and again I did not speak because I was not an employee. Then they came for my boner, and there was no one left to speak for Tiny Zest when it too fell, into the hands of nothingness itself.

Cena_mark
I wish this had the entire conversation. I like how he plays it off.
fedex
jerk him off, keyboard cat

Cena_mark
He wasn't really fully masturbating. That's more like journeymanbating.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Wankers of Walmart
Meerkat
He had an itch man.
Nominal
WE DONT WANT YOUR SPUNK BURRITO!
SixDigitDebt
It was a virus, mom.

I got scared and I deleted it and I was pulling up my pants because I was scared.

I'm serious.

Rodents of Unusual Size
One day in the future this will just be how WalMart greets people.
fluffy
Idiocracy tag?

15th
"Nah."

Too short. I love this.
EvilHomer
Haha, sexual harassment. Not like Walmart employees' lives are crappy enough as it is; let's all sexually harass him and laugh at his shame.
Cena_mark
This isn't sexual harassment. He being called out on breaking a very well established societal norm.

Cena_mark
Again, you''re being too nice. You're like Fluttershy. She'd say, "Oh, well you can keep masturbating if that's what you want to do."
Applejack would pull Fluttershy back and say, "What in blazes are y'all doing? There's fillies in this here store. Now y'all put that away or y'all get such a bucking!"

EvilHomer
Cena, I am shocked that you of all people would support rape culture. This man is being surreptitiously filmed in a sexual manner, then held up for the world to mock! The bullying in this instance is severe - the employee being filmed will probably lose both his career and his friends. And it's not an isolated case - according to Grey Law, the rate of male-on-male workplace sexual harassment has more than tripled since 2010.

What if this was a female employee? What if I filmed a female Walmart associate fingering herself, then uploaded the video to Youtube? Would we still be victim-blaming then?

EvilHomer
Apple Jack is a social conservative, so of course she'd take issue with this. She'd yell at him and put him in his place, no doubt! What she WOULDN'T do is passive-aggressively film this poor man's fap session, then use the footage to humiliate him.

Cena_mark
Cause that's what Rainbow Dash would do.

Cena_mark
What evidence do you have that Applejack is a social conservative? That's just an assumption people make due to her country nature. She very well could be like Dolly Parton (who they partially based her voice on) is country, but is also a feminist and pro-gay rights.

EvilHomer
Sigh, we've been over this before. AJ is all about family values, hard work, and tradition. She doesn't like handouts {s01e04, "Applebuck Season"} but she's not above economic protectionism {s02e15 "Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6k"}. She's very warm and welcoming to her own, but on the flip side, can be shockingly racist and xenophobic around strangers. She strongly dislikes cosmopolitan attitudes and trends, and is very aware of her place in society. Face it, Cena, she's a textbook conservative, and - please don't take this the wrong way - her conservatism is precisely why you like her so much! You've always been a conservative, and while you've changed some of your views to better fit in with your friends here, your heart will always be that of an Apple - strong, traditional, and deeply pro-family.

As for Dashie, she doesn't do anything "passive-aggressively"! RD would laugh at the guy and call him names, but then her competitive spirit would kick in, and she'd challenge him to a clop-off (which she would win). She wouldn't film him or upload the video against his wishes. In fact, the only pony who might actually do this is *Diamond Tiara* - she probably wouldn't be above filming such filth, but she'd hold on to the footage, to blackmail this poor man into being her slave.

Gmork
mlp talk ruined everything about this, thanks faggots

Cena_mark
Applejack loves her family, but I wouldn't say she's "profamily" when going by the snarl word usage that the modern right wing has made. That goes the same with what you say about appreciating hard work. I work very hard and value hard work, but that doesn't mean I have a problem with people getting help from the government.
What do you mean she's only welcoming to her own kind? The first episode established that she'd warmly welcome any guest at Sweet Apple Acres, even if its a unicorn. I'm sure you're going to say they weren't hospitable to the Flim Flams, but you know damn well they rolled in and immediately made their intention to strong arm the Apple's out of the cider business clear.
Sure she doesn't like cosmopolitan things, but where's this racism and xenophobia you speak of? Also I'm sure we'll see more growth from AJ as she and Rarity are headed up to Manehattan next week.

EvilHomer
She's fine with unicorns, because unicorns are ponies. She's horribly racist against zebras, she beats up timber wolves and chimeras, and she would have instigated buffalo genocide if Rainbow Dash hadn't stopped her! And Flim & Flam didn't try and "strong arm" her. Flim & Flam were totally professional - they offered a partnership, and failing that, they said they'd be happy competing above-board, providing quality cider to any thirsty ponies who were left out to dry by Sweet Apple Acre's limited production runs. But noooo, AJ tried to run them out of town, simply because they weren't part of her Good Old Boy's club.

I'm not trying to make fun of either you or AJ here; I cannot stress that enough. AJ is, at worst, one of the "good" conservatives - like Dolly Parton, Norman Rockwell, or Barry Goldwater. She is not an evil conservative, like Gmork is.

But you have to be willing to face the facts: AJ and the rest of the Apples are straight-ticket Republicolts.

Cena_mark
She stood up against the war against the Buffalos. She was just initially only thinking from the settler's perspective, just as RD was initially only thinking from the Buffalo's. Both learned to see the other side once the tides of war started rising. The buffaloes stole Bloomberg. That's pretty much kidnapping a member of her family.
I'm not even going to argue with the absolute rubbish you said in defense of the Flams. 70/30 split, what a bunch of crooks.

Gmork
PAY ATTENTION TO MY OUTRAGE

Cena_mark
Very well, what's your beef Gmork?

Prickly Pete
Nooooooooo no no no. You're defending this guy? If anyone was sexually harassed, it was the customer.

EvilHomer
Gmork is scared that a pony might pretend to be a human, meet him at a bar, and then seduce him. He wouldn't know the truth until it was too late.

Old_Zircon
It was sexual haranguement.

Gmork
I'm just being silly.

Boomer The Dog
Hey Homa, and other Pony fans, what do you think of this Stooges with pony painting on the side of a car, that I took a few days ago?

http://boomerthedog.com/stooges-uni-car.jpg

Boomer

EvilHomer
That's awesome, Boomie! Five stars for Boomer's picture, NOT for the sexual harassment shown in this video clip.

That guy
Devil's EvilHomer
SolRo
You owe me for using that

That guy
Worth it.

EvilHomer
You don't owe SolRo anything, That Guy. My personal likeness is covered by a copyleft General Public License; any works derived from me, including the phrase "Devil's EvilHomer", are free to use, free to share, and free to modify.

If you've already paid SolRo then I suggest you demand a refund, because by asking for monetary compensation he is in violation of the EH GPL.

Bort
Dude, no need to ruin the guy's life. That's some Carl Monday bitch-ass shit.
il fiore bel
Those bathrooms must REALLY be gross if he won't even take his finger business there.
Old_Zircon
This is Wal Mart, I'm sure bathroom breaks are strictly monitored for time, he'd probably get in trouble for that. Depending on the state he's in, he might not even be allowed breaks.

Caminante Nocturno
I can't support unions for people like this.
M-DEEM
Pocket billiards belong in sporting goods, not the checkout
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