|Sean Robinson |
I am only saying that this is worth one star relative to every other thing created or discovered by humanity.
The only target audience for this clip are the overwhelmingly easily intellectually provoked, but who are also willing to accept horrible acting, bad scripting, ugly design and baffling direction.
That's what I said, nerds!
"horrible acting, bad scripting, ugly design and baffling direction"
I think having at least one of those is a requirement for sci-fi.
2 stars for the clip (not that interesting), and 1 more to offset the "Star Trek sucks" vote.
You know, I love DS9 and TNG, but holy shit was Voyager awful. This was one of three episodes I watched after the first season, and it still sucked even though Q was in it. So don't assume that people are 1 starring it because they hate Star Trek; it could be they love Star Trek but hate Voyager.
I will give one extra star because Q is awesome.
Voyager is one of the worst things ever put on television.
Which is why it's so amusing when it tries to do "deep" episodes like these and just constantly misses the mark in so many ways.
Later in the episode they go to the Q Continuum. It's....a gas station.
Wait a minute, I thought Q was his name...
... how do they reproduce? Awkwardly?
They're all called Q (that's the name of the race as well) and they don't reproduce, as they have always been. Well, they can take forms of other beings and reproduce.
I just watched the whole series during summer!
And they had taken human form then. I don't think Qs have fingers.
Anything that reminds me of Phantom of the Paradise gets 5 stars.
|Scrotum H. Vainglorious |
I ended up on an an episode of Voyager once, in the first season of its run, and found it odd that, while the CGI space scenery from the credits sequences seemed pretty fancy, all the sets seemed really REALLY fake.
Look, Star Trek is shitty. I'll give it stars when it's being totally ludicrous with Space Hippies or dick monsters, but this is sophomoric and dull even compared to most science fiction, which is, when you get right down to it, a subset of children's literature.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is children's literature.
That's really all that most children's lit is, once you get into the double digit ages. Scan the plot summaries of most "young adult" books and you quickly realize that the only difference between these books and books for grownups is the age of the characters. We both know most adult fiction isn't written above a Jr High level anyway. You could make everyone in The Da Vinci Code fourteen and it would blend in perfectly with the youth section at Borders.
Tuvok represents the Lollipop Guild.
The Lollipop Guild.
The Lollipop Guild.
Who want to kill themselves.
One star for each competent actor in this clip.
And if you think I mean John de Lancie and John de Lancie, fuck you.
Voyager had several crew members who were incurably boring and useless, yet somehow managed to stay alive. The three stars are for the four or five interesting ones.
Fuck it, I'll name the useless ones and own up to my man-nerdliness:
Chakotay, Paris, Kim, Torres and possibly Janeway (the boring one).
Janeway, while probably the worst Star Trek captain yet, was still amusing in that she just didn't give a fuck. She's a force of chaos barreling through the Delta Quadrant, and no Prime Directive or basic sentient being rights are going to stop her!
Voyager was incurably boring and useless yet somehow managed to stay alive several seasons. You have a sci-fi series traveling to a whole new section of the universe where anything can happen - and what happens? Silly new agey nonsense like Chokotay's magic spirit walks and just about every single Star Trek race ever visited REvisited on the other side of the galaxy. Thanks for the original take on the Trek universe, Voyager.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find my cat so he can eat the Cheetos out of my neck beard.
The upshot of how boring Voyager was is that Enterprise, which managed to be even more boring and useless, only lasted four seasons.
Enterprise stopped being useless very briefly when a cool new race of evil CGI whales (who communicate with evil CGI whalesongs) were introduced. Also they were somehow part of the same species as a race of giant evil CGI praying mantises.
But then it became useless again because they didn't do anything interesting except sit around a table (with a window to a big water tank so the whales could look in and be evil too) and have debates about destroying Earth. They never did anything else, and all wanted to destroy Earth, yet all they did was argue.
"You know what we should do? Destroy Earth!"
"Yes! Destroy Earth!"
"I agree! We destroy Earth tomorrow!"
"No! Wait until Tuesday!"
"A pox on your Tuesday!"
"No! Earth will be destroyed on St. Throax's Day!"
"Order! The chair recognizes the evil whale."
Rodents of Unusual Size
Xenocide, you are a gift.
They did have an absolutely mind blowing alternate universe episode before they were cancelled. Everyone was evil and it fucking rocked and then the show ended on a note of more suck than anything ever.
|Cap'n Profan!ty |
I actually enjoyed Voyager much of the time, but these stars are mostly for John de Lancie, who took this absolutely banal character and still managed to make him lively. Fucking great.
I can't give more than one star to Voyager, but I'll give it a bonus star for Q.
Holy fuckballs that was terrible, even by Voyager standards.
Couldn't they just eject him from the continuum first?
AAAA MY BEARD IS GROWING
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