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Desc:So it turns out the robot girl is the vessel for the soul of Mary Magdalene. I hated this series.
Category:Video Games
Tags:WTF Japan, Xenosaga, religion in JRPGs, fighting God
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Comment count is 36
poorwill - 2010-01-05


Hugo Gorilla - 2010-01-05

By the time the first game mentions eating the flesh of synthetic humans gets you high, I stopped trying to follow what the hell was happening and stopped playing.

grep - 2010-01-05

I stopped right at the end of the cave you are in for about 20 minutes about 30 minutes into the game. I couldn't beat the last fucking mech.

facek - 2010-01-05

I stopped watching this 1 minute in.

Ruination - 2010-01-05

This is wonderfully bad. I'm so glad I stopped playing this game a half hour into the first one. Although, maybe I will play though it if the rest of the cut scenes are this bad.

RocketBlender - 2010-01-05

Oh man, you missed out. Here's just a few quirks from this trash heap:

The 6 million dollar emo: dead war hero turned into a cyborg, I guess against his will. Ge doesn't want to live, so h's only takes the deadliest missions, and only takes cyborg parts as his reward. His goal? Kill himsel by becoming all machine.

Speaking of emo complex, robot girl's directive one is to keep Shion alive. Knowing this, Shion is always reminding her that she could easily die trying to do some idioc side quest on her own if Robot doesn't tag along. Even threatens to launch herself out the airlock to get her way once.

Nobody dies. EVERYONE even minorly important that you thought died is alive and well. Not only are they still alive, they're evil. In the third game their meetings are like the council of dead NPCs.

Squeamish - 2010-01-05

Don't forget to mention that Emo War Borg looked EXACTLY LIKE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN in the first game.

I only managed to get 10 or so hours through the first game. It was the prettiest piece of shit I've ever seen.

Seris - 2010-01-05

also, kevin is the name of the badguy. Kevin!

RocketBlender - 2010-01-05

Let's not forget the powerful anti-alien weapon/ super important data keeper, in the form of a fucking pink haired 10 year old girl. And because it's japan, said 10 year old had way more "fanservice shots" than Shion and Robo combined.

Squeamish - 2010-01-05

Oh god, I forgot about that.

There were so many things wrong with this game. So many intentionally wrong things.

RomancingTrain - 2010-01-05

Also the white haired pretty boy was Jesus, that might be in this video but I'm not putting myself through any part of that game again to find out.

Caminante Nocturno - 2010-01-05

KOS-MOS was so hot.

RocketBlender - 2010-01-05

Wait, what?! Don't you mean MOMO?
Kos-Mos was the one with tits, dude.

Caminante Nocturno - 2010-01-05

Come on.

MOMO isn't hot.

She's cute.

RocketBlender - 2010-01-05

You know what? I agree with both your statements. I'm pretty sure it's one of the reasons I made it even partway through this series. Now then, please send me all your Xenosaga hentai.

Xenocide - 2010-01-05

Another member of the "quit playing before beating part one" club here.

I made it pretty far, but after a while the whole thing just gets unbelievably tedious. Your only effective attacks are your characters' special techniques, which have no penalty to use but each come with unskippable 30-45 second animations. And you're using them four or five times per battle. Yeah, it got pretty damn old.

Aubrey McFate - 2010-01-05


Udderdude - 2010-01-05

Haha, you guys actually paid for this turd. Well, one of them anyway. Then again, I played all 60 or so hours of Xenogears, so maybe the joke is on me after all.

RocketBlender - 2010-01-05

What the hell happened with that game, anyway? It was like the writers quit halfway through. By the end of disc 1 you had all kinds of shit going on, with subplots and character plots every which way, and disc 2 goes "then a bunch of stuff happened the end."

bongoprophet - 2010-01-05

Gears was awesome, God was a gigantic mutated alien combined with someones reincarnation of something and then something else triggered something in it. Also one part of the game was just like Soylent Green.

But the best part was, it was all text. no listening to annoying 12-year olds talking, no sirree.

Udderdude - 2010-01-05

Rumor is they just plain ran out of funding, and Square pulled the plug on their development team.

memedumpster - 2010-01-05

This is very Gnostic. Four stars for catching a sword with your woman leg knee parts.

sosage - 2010-01-05

Then after all that robot ninja shit, what does she do? She just massages that other chick's back with an ineffectual purple blob gun for 5 minutes.

RocketBlender - 2010-01-05

I was wondering if anyone was going to mention the nice, calm conversation the two are having while one of them gets repeatedly shot in the back.

Quad9Damage - 2010-01-05

Jesus. JESUS.

I don't remember much about the first game, which I only got about 5 hours into before quitting (and I bought the damn thing). The cut scenes were up to 30 minutes long and I seem to recall you being given the option to SAVE halfway through them. That might just be my imagination though.

Oh, and some fanboys got pissed and made some message board posts because the bad guy molests the little girl in the original version and it got edited in the American version.

Squeamish - 2010-01-05

Anime nerds complain about the darnedest things.

RocketBlender - 2010-01-06

On the same note, I remember reading on gamefaqs when I was like 12 and pokemon was popular that people were pissed they deleted 'hilarious' scenes of the various creatures peeing from the american version. Never understood why anyone would miss that.

Riskbreaker - 2010-01-05

Others have already pointed out what a mess this franchise is, but i'll throw a bit of the torture i endured from playing the first game. It needs to be said: the Xenosaga trilogy is every bad cliche of japanese rpgs put together.

Here's more crap some haven't mentioned yet:

-The main protagonist is some whiny geeky bitch that keeps going on about how robots have feelings, even when they are in the middle of a war against some alien monsters
-She gets an even more whiny, geekier patetic excuse of a sidekick, who has the hots for her
-There's one kid that spents all the game with his underwear in the outside. He's also a robot or something
-The game takes every chance it has to give us a panty-shot of MOMO, a cyborg girl that looks like an 8 year old girl
-There are like 7 hours of cut-scenes, or more, some of them dealing with vital scenes as showing us how bad men are at cooking
-The story is 13 year old fan-fic 101, it has the silly idea that adding biblical names to the characters will make them, and the story, all more "deep" by default. Everything is a metaphor of Jesus, Mahoma, or some crap like that, with no real sense of context or anything that looks like good story telling.
-The dungeon design is about the most flat and tedious thing i have seen in years.

Xenogears was by no means perfect, but it actually had some good characters, and several great moments. Xenosaga is when bad things collide and have children. Also, the trilogy has some rabid fans, and they hold it pretty much as the Godfather of videogames or something like that.

Aelric - 2010-01-05

greed. When I played Xenogears, it blew my 14 year old mind. In retrospect, it wasn't nearly as good as I thought it was at the time, but at least there were a few moments that were this side of enjoyable ('men of the sea' jumps to mind).

So, still starry eyed remembering the psuedo-religious babbling of Gears, Saga came out and I powered through the first one, eating up every vague reference I could yet absolutely loathing the game play and not really understanding what was going on.

I picked up a copy of the second one and played it 10 minutes. They had fucked up their already retarded gameplay and the plot was fucking gone. I Wikied the plot recently and Jesus H. Christ, there were drugs involved, and probably a lot of molestation in the creators childhoods by priests.

I dunno what to say, at the time, I think this game was a huge disappointment. After that, I started going outside more, drinking heavily and dating. It's a slippery slope.

Riskbreaker - 2010-01-05

The rabid fans of this franchise are mostly 20 something people. MOMO's pantys are probably involved in this dilemma.

RomancingTrain - 2010-01-06

The kid with underwear over His pants isn't a robot, He's Jesus!

ProfessorChaos - 2010-01-05

I enjoyed the first game in this series. And the Anime based on it. (And even rabidly picked up the second.) But, that said, I can't even begin to understand why. I might be a masochist.

Scynne - 2010-01-05

...I loved these games

Quad9Damage - 2013-08-13

I only made it maybe a fifth of the way through the first game before the linearity made me give up. Xenosaga had down hours of unwavering dungeons years before Final Fantasy XIII.

I don't know what the fuck is going on here, except 'Kevin' sounds like the name of a kid who would write a Gospel/anime crossover fanfic like this scene. I cannot imagine THIS awaiting players at the end of FIVE games instead of the condensed three there ended up being.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2014-03-23

I'm halfway between both camps. I was maybe 15, vaguely aware the plot wasn't going anywhere, and also very bored.

Killer Joe - 2015-10-09

Then badgirl stands still and shoots goodgirl in the ass for a minute and a half.

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