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Desc:Short PR piece on the tubby guy who owns Cold Steel. He's a warrior!
Category:Humor, Military
Tags:cold steel, lynn thompson, Fatty Fatty Fat Fat, boot full of meat
Submitted:tmavomodry
Date:05/25/10
Views:1707
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Comment count is 34
Rape Van Winkle - 2010-05-25
All the talk about physical training. Is he full of shit? Or does he eat like a hog in addition to the training?
Dr Dim - 2010-05-25
No, I think he really does curl 15 lbs and do weird little arm swings, once or even twice a week.


This guy is amazing, like a Christopher Guest character come to life.

PegLegPete - 2010-05-25
His basic philosophy sounds similar to that of some Marines and Army people I've talked to: being "stronger" than everyone; the emphasis on individualism and often a lack of general empathy. From the Marines especially It's like a watered down social darwinist type of thinking infused with a machismo that is very much - at least in this case - unique to the United States as far as I can tell.

Good or bad though? Kinda just belligerent - unless you have power.



vissarion - 2010-05-25
Lynn Thompson trained himself to become a Marine the only way he knew how: by jumping off his roof onto a trampoline

takewithfood - 2010-05-25
I know a few guys who buy and "train" with swords. They like to talk about which weapon is best in which situation, against which opponent, and they secretly all seem to wish for the day when some home invader guy attacks them, so that they have an excuse to kill a man.

But like a dog chasing a car, I don't think they will know what to do if that scenario ever plays out, even if it ends the way they want it to.

Braze - 2010-05-25
This is the most elaborate mid-life crisis I've ever seen.
Baldr - 2010-05-25
I think it became a full-life crisis when Lynn decided to build an entire company around himself to protect his warrior-identity from reality.

The Mothership - 2010-05-25
I think you're both right; his philosophy of a 'warrior life' is in such stark relief with his utter lack of 'warrior skills' as to beggar explanation otherwise.

Rape Van Winkle - 2010-05-26
Muthership talks purdy.

Eroticus E - 2010-05-25
How many lockers did this guy get shoved into before he started this company?
Stopheles - 2010-05-25
His first name is "Lynn." I just can't imagine that he had ANY trouble with other kids growing up...

Camonk - 2010-05-25
I was actually going to root of this stereotypical hypermasculinity in his girl's name.

What an awful little man. I bet his King David fanfic is awesome, though.

Dicknuts - 2010-05-25
May this man be blessed with at least one gay sone.
Smellvin - 2010-05-25
Who would've thought that a chunky, Christian end-timer voluntarily demonstrating his paranoid, narcissistic, semi-sociopathic philosophy could actually be a functional member of society and run a business anywhere but into the ground. I'm actually genuinely impressed, since guys like this usually just end up posting things like TFL videos rather than being functional.
takewithfood - 2010-05-25
If his business is successful it is because there are many, many people just like him.

Smellvin - 2010-05-25
According to Alexa, this site is very popular with the older, male crowd. The "no college" category is highly overrepresented. Also, apparently their website is extremely popular in Norway, being the 10,000th most visited website there (whereas in the US it's about 20,000).

I almost went into their forums to get more info, but decided against it. I think I'd prefer to hold onto my sanity.

Camonk - 2010-05-26
I hope some soul way braver and more bored than I goes into those forums and reports back.

Crucifried - 2010-05-25
"The Way of the Warrior has been misunderstood. It is not a means to kill and destroy others. Those who seek to compete and better one another are making a terrible mistake. To smash, injure, or destroy is the worst thing a human being can do. The real Way of a Warrior is to prevent such slaughter it is the Art of Peace, the power of love."

-Morihei Ueshiba

"Being unconquerable lies with yourself; being conquerable lies with your enemy."

-Sun Tzu

"At very best, a person wrapped up in himself makes a small package."

-Harry Emerson Fosdick
pineapplejuicer - 2010-05-25
so very, very much evil here. but i think i have to five him shooting the gun right around 5:00 and asking "who wants to go out there and make fun of me?!"

incidentally, i just bought a new large knife for an upcoming camping trip...and i got a ka-bar. this video makes me glad i took my business elsewhere despite all of cold steel's delightful demos.

and this is probably really, really obvious but i'm calling bullshit on all of the weightlifting scenes. no way chubby mcsupersizeme could lift in a freaking red sweatshirt and not break a sweat. love the shot at 7:30 where he picks up the biggest dumbbells in the gym and the camera conveniently cuts away.

and this comment is now officially way too long but "they're never gonna risk their ass to get ass". profound.
Cheese - 2010-06-30
^^^ WARRIOR.

pineapplejuicer - 2010-08-22
only for y'all. POE MILITIA! who's in?

bongoprophet - 2010-05-25
I love the inspirational fantasy music. It's both very appropriate and not so.
dek863 - 2010-05-25
This man is compensating for something...
The McK - 2010-05-25
This man is compensating for other people's somethings. There's a fat guy named Susan walking down the street cool as Steve Fucking McQueen because of him.

fluffy - 2010-05-25
I'm not sure who he's supposed to be in the David and Goliath imagery; he seems to be more like the 500-pound giant.
retrocious - 2010-05-25
All this guy had to do to make all his warrior-talk ring true was enlist in the army. He probably wouldn't even be fat if he had.
retrocious - 2010-05-25
Also, invisible 6th star for the video production crew and the stories they must have shared over cans of PBR (or whatever hipsters drink nowadays) afterwards.

pineapplejuicer - 2010-05-25
lynn thompson is kinda the consummate anti-hipster, isn't he? probably republican, misguidedly christian, fat, definitely not vegetarian. and i'll bet he listens to 70's arena rock non-ironically.

MacGyver Style Bomb - 2010-05-25
I learned some time ago that anyone in this day and age who calls themselves a "warrior" is someone that is to be shunned and avoided at all times.
Hubba Bubba Nightmare - 2010-05-25
Are we sure Tim and Erick aren't somehow involved in this?
tmavomodry - 2010-05-25
You'd think, but there aren't enough gross sound effects, intentionally bad edits or fake VHS dropouts to make this a Tim and Eric bit

Cheese - 2010-05-26
This poor sap is going to get stick like a pig in a parking lot some day, just inches away from his trunk of guns and battle axes.
Caminante Nocturno - 2010-05-26
There is absolutely no reason for this guy to avoid dressing like a dwarf. If you're going to be the short, hyper-aggressive comic relief character, you might as well look the part.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2010-05-26
The comments alone from you guys have me in tears.
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