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Desc:Homeland Security teams up with WalMart to fight terrorism!
Category:Crime, Crime
Tags:homeland security, walmart, Janet Napolitano, watch for falling freedoms
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Comment count is 17
The Mothership - 2010-12-10
"Um, yea, hi, boss? There's a brown man over there buying a gallon carton of hydrogen peroxide. I know that's the only size we sell, but I thought I should call it in."
The Mothership - 2010-12-10
Also the 'look for falling freedoms' tag is priceless, nice work.
hornung - 2010-12-10
joey, i'm not angry anymore.
operation_cannonball - 2010-12-11

kingarthur - 2010-12-11
I can't work up a good enough joke to go with her cover of Everybody Knows here. So I typed this.

Pillager - 2010-12-10
Yeah, we really have a lot of room to talk about freedom to China & Russia...
fluffy - 2010-12-10
Even Russia of 30 years ago.

Enjoy - 2010-12-10
Makes sense. Al-qaeda likes to hang out in Wal-Mart parking lots.
EnochEmery - 2010-12-10
When HAVEN'T you seen someone suspicious in a Wal-Mart?
jaunch - 2010-12-11

sosage - 2010-12-10
I wish the government would stop taking its notes from sci fi novels that feature a cartoon-like police state as a backdrop.
Mother_Puncher - 2010-12-10
Yeah but motherfuck a K-Mart. Only one chain of stores get a promotional video of a team-up with the secretary of defense to be observant.
memedumpster - 2010-12-10
The eagle on the flag behind her looks pissed to be there.
cognitivedissonance - 2010-12-11

One time, I was at Wal-Mart at like 3 am (the only time to go) and suddenly a whole squad of police SWAT guys come STORMING in, riot shields and all, and proceeded to do bomb clearing in the middle of the store. I, being the lackadaisical semi-suicidal sort that I am, proceeded to carry on with my shopping, because I assumed that if it WAS a real bomb clear, there probably would have been some sort of announcement over the intercom.

La la la, doo dee doo doo doo, I pay for my shit and leave and don't think any more of it.

Sure enough, front page of the local newspaper the next day was "BOMB SCARE AT LOCAL WAL-MART", and apparently it was an actual bomb scare and nobody bothered to actually act as if it was. The police didn't even bother to tell me that I was in the middle of a suspected bomb impact zone.
THA SUGAH RAIN - 2010-12-11
One time when I was a volunteer firefighter, there was a supermarket filling with smoke and we had to find out what the deal was. Meanwhile, shoppers continued as normal while the fire department tried to find the source of the smoke.

Senator_Unger - 2010-12-11
OH, so THAT'S how you pronounce your name. I've been calling you Janet Neapolitan all this time.
Spoonybard - 2010-12-15
These Onion bits are getting lazier and lazier
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