Anaxagoras 
That was some Jonathan Swift level satire there. Fucking brilliant.
Neckbeard quibble: the reporter is Michael Falk. Robert Falk is his brother.
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Jet Bin Fever
"Only soldiers can kill without getting in trouble"
This is one of the best things I've seen from the Onion, and that says a lot.
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Caminante Nocturno
5 stars for the end.
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Maggot Brain
... did not expect that.
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duck&cover
Michael is an excellent reporter!
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cognitivedissonance
Genuine belly laughter. Bravo.
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Innocent Bystander
That is fucking inspired!
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chumbucket
Goddamn I love The ONN.
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EvilHomer
This is how I picture Gommorrah.
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Rodents of Unusual Size
Ryan would be much happier dead.
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Billy the Poet
I am interested in this man's views, and I would like to subscribe to his newsletter.
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RockBolt
This guy is solid gold
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joelkazoo
How did I miss this?
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