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Desc:Kill yourself
Tags:baby, commercial, wimp, my top off, owie my fingies
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Comment count is 28
oswaldtheluckyrabbit - 2012-01-30
I'm glad Cinco is still releasing products
IrishWhiskey - 2012-01-30
"Are you frustrated in the kitchen trying to find a bottle opener?"

I sure am man-made-of-bleached-frosted-tips! Do you have something to help me?

"Here is a perfect solution: My Top-off.com"

...but, that doesn't help at all. If anything it's even easier to misplace, since it has fewer uses.

Spit Spingola - 2012-01-30
It also does circumcisions.
Spit Spingola - 2012-01-30
It also does circumcisions.
Spit Spingola - 2012-01-30
and double posts.

Spit Spingola - 2012-01-30
and double posts.

RocketBlender - 2012-01-30
Oh man, how'd you do that? There's so many videos I've wanted to 10-star.

Sudan no1 - 2012-01-30
Two Koozis and a Handsfree Drink Sling?? SOLD
charmlessman - 2012-01-30
Also known as a slow night at Tom Sizemore's house.

RocketBlender - 2012-01-30
God I love these commercials. I really didn't think anyone could ever top that thermometer-spatula ad where the cooks were tearing apart burgers on a grill without their product, yet here we are. 5 stars.
Caminante Nocturno - 2012-01-30
This is the only thing that man is ever going to be good at. I'd feel sorry for him, but look at him.
The Townleybomb - 2012-01-30
Screw all of y'all haters, I would buy one of these.

(You should note for the record that I am on beer 7, right now though.)
sosage - 2012-01-30
My manly traditional bottle opener is only a social detriment when I try to use it on a twist off. Now go put that beer on a cozy. Pansy.
themilkshark - 2012-01-30
This thing is for pussies.
dementomstie - 2012-01-30
Sure, I have a beer, and I have tits, but how can I combine both my tits and beer? Handsfree Drink Sling you say? I'm Sold!
duck&cover - 2012-01-30
Real men use their teeth, only.
pastorofmuppets - 2012-01-30
one time on a road trip my friends and I stopped for gas just after crossing into NJ. we wanted a drink but realized we didn't have an opener. out of nowhere this girl shows up and opens one with her teeth... we all looked at each other, thinking the same thing: "so this is what new jersey is like."

spikestoyiu - 2012-01-30
I know a girl who can open beer bottles with her teeth. She also carries multiple box cutters with her at all times. Basically she's amazing.

pastorofmuppets - 2012-01-30
The best bottle openers cost a dollar at the gas station. They also light cigarettes.
THA SUGAH RAIN - 2012-01-30
Any 90 degree surface can open any kind of bottle. That said, tell me you don't know people who would flip their shit about this thing at a backyard party.

RocketBlender - 2012-01-30
I'm pretty sure they're banking on at least 75% of their sales coming entirely from the kind of people who will buy it just so they can say "let me get my top off!" at said parties.

Jet Bin Fever - 2012-01-30
Well yes, but I saw a drunk guy bust the neck off the bottle trying to open it using a countertop corner, slicing the shit out of his hand too. I'll stick to a churchkey, thank you.

Chalkdust - 2012-01-30
"My Top Off"? "Koozi"? Women in bikinis? Everyone's been really restrained so far.
chumbucket - 2012-01-30
Drink slings...really?
1394 - 2012-01-30
New goal in life: acquire a bud light lime drink sling.

Redford - 2012-01-30
Darn it, you've broken my retarded infomercial trifecta.
Riskbreaker - 2012-01-30
The invention america was waiting for.
hammsangwich - 2012-01-30
A.) You're a pussy if you can't open a twist off without gashing your hand
B.) You have a shitty bartender if they don't pop the top of BEFORE THEY GIVE YOU THE FUCKING BEER
C.) Nobody at the convention center shot drinks beer so they had to go out and buy a sixer of root beer because they are fanny pack wearing, front but luddites.
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