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Desc:Whyyyyyy....?
Category:Educational, Humor
Tags:red letter media; bad sci-fi
Submitted:aikimoe
Date:06/13/12
Views:2131
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Comment count is 32
Hooker
Why would you shave your upper lip if you were going to keep the rest of your facial hair untrimmed and unconditioned?

Binro the Heretic
From the moment I learned Lindelof did the script, my enthusiasm waned.

Everything that asshole does is the entertainment equivalent of blue balls.
Jet Bin Fever
Hrm, I don't want any spoilers about the plot and content or anything, so I'm not going to watch this right now, but can anyone spoiler-free tell me exactly why its bad? I heard from some pretty reputable friends that it's great and "ties up some things". I was planning on seeing it soon.

Jet Bin Fever
whoops, not meant as a reply, sorry Binro!

Zoot42
Basically it has a ton of gaping plot holes and it's kinda confusing but I thought it was good fun regardless.

StanleyPain
@jet bin
Sans spoilers, As someone who followed the development of the movie from fairly early on, I think the ultimate blame for this lies somewhere in the decision to edit lots of stuff out of the film, but keep in a whole bunch of shit that didn't need to be there. Basically, here's the short story: The film was originally going to be a very straightforward story about humans meeting the Space Jockeys and things going wrong resulting in the creation of the xenomorph from Alien, and it was going to be a very definite prequel. Somewhere along the line, it was decided to jazz up the film with all sorts of unsolved mysteries and questions and balloon it outwards to explore the possibility of it being turned into a new 20th Century Fox franchise with 2 or three films stemming from it. Since it was already into production, Ridley Scott had to change the movie quite a bit, and then go tell interviewers how cool it was going to be that it was no longer a prequel.
As a result, the film has a lot of weirdness and no longer actually functions as an Alien prequel, although it was obviously intended to be one. I still think it's a good, entertaining sci-fi film, and it'll be great to see a slightly extended version on DVD, but I think what could have been a true masterpiece was basically ruined somewhere along the line by studio greed.

13.5
The ads promise mind-bending sci-fi about the origin of humanity, but all of that shit is just ill-thought-out window dressing for a straight up post-_Alien_ sci-fi horror movie

I will not make the comparison, but a friend of mine has said it is not as good as _Event Horizon_. He's a hard man. Fair, but hard.

Pillager
Eh...


I went in expecting "At the Mountain of Madness... IN SPACE!!!!" & I wasn't disappointed. I was entertained, the plot holes were no worse than any other sci fi/horror flick, & I look forward to the sequel.

FABIO
I was planning on seeing this while visiting my folks this weekend.

A Lost writer and some guy who's only work is an upcoming Mummy reboot? Jesus christ.

13.5
The other guy is also responsible for the massively retarded _The Darkest Hour_. The one where invisible aliens attack douchebag American 20-somethings in Moscow

StanleyPain
In fairness, you could pick apart a lot of other really well admired films just as easily. Especially the original Alien.
misterbuns
Nope.

In the vacuum left by lack of human characters and clear plot these inconsistencies add up to a bad movie.

The degree to which your audience will suspend it's disbelief is proportionate to how much they perceive your film as real. Any weird inconsistencies (and, no, I really dont see many) in Alien are eclipsed by characters behaving like actual human beings and providing a real human experience audiences can relate to. From there, the simple premise of Alien develops pretty easily.

No one acts like the characters in this film. Least of all scientists.

Red Letter Media was too charitable with this review. The movie was awful.

poorwill
The android was by far the best and most relateable character.
I liked the first half of the movie, though the second half was stupid.

misterbuns
Yes he was. But David's most human qualities were innocence and a yearning for something more, but these never resolved, developed or changed in the two hours of the film. David never took action on his own, and never seemed conflicted about this. While Fassbender's performance made these things interesting his character was only used as a setpiece in Lindelof's script, as as compelling as he was, David, as a written character is still a large part of why this movie sucked.

FABIO
BUT it applies to Aliens pretty well.

Think of all the ridiculous setups that had to happen in order or the aliens to be a threat to well armed soldiers. That whole ship and all that hardware just for a dozen soldiers. Not one person staying behind on the ship, including the android whose only job is to run it. Aliens concentrated in a place they can't fire their guns. Disarming all the soldiers and sending them in all at once rather than one or two scouts. Bringing 99 bullets to fight your way to the queen, then wasting half of them on eggs, the egg sac, anything but the queen herself.

BUT it also shows how people will forgive and gloss over if the rest is good. Aliens was a poor plot rescued by dialog and performances.

misterbuns
Nope.

All of the tactical mistakes you listed off were made by Lt. Gorman, a character established early on as full of bravado and incompetence, which then sets up Ripley, the reluctant hero to take charge and save the day, which is the big reversal of that act.

See how using characters wisely can create improbably catastrophic scenarios of tension that would have otherwise been a lazy loophole to fake tension?

It all goes back to character, and I'm sorry, no, Aliens does it quite well.

FABIO
That went way beyond simple incompetence.

A better scenario would have been Gorman rigidly sticking to procedure and everyone being doomed through some clever unorthodox trap by the aliens showing some sinister cunning.

Instead they just woke up from their nap and killed unarmed soldiers. Nothing remarkable, it could have been a cave of hungry tigers and ended up the same way. Show us what makes the alien unique and scary! Even the greenest snob officer would have sent in point to scout first, not to mention leaving behind the ship pilot on the ship (why did Bishop come down again?). What if the dropship had crashed during landing? Gorman was treating everything by the book against a conventional enemy (air cover!) but the most basic by the book procedure at any of a half dozen points would have solved everything.

A good example was the assault on med lab. They planned for every possible angle of attack by a conventional enemy but no one counted on them coming through the ducts (good job remembering that, Ripley).

StanleyPain
Well, let's ignore that Prometheus even exists and take, for example, Alien.

1. Why did the crew of the Nostromo set out to investigate a signal of totally unknown origin on a completely alien world without bringing any form of weapons?
2. Why did the ship's science officer not go out of the ship but instead two pilots?
3. Why, upon encountering a totally alien vessel would totally average, unprepared space truckers then immediately wander inside of it instead of going back to the ship utterly freaked out and calling for help.
4. Why, if decided to go inside the ship, would you touch a dead creature and then, later, touch an organic creature that's apparently alive without knowing anything about it?
5. Why is the ship there?
6. Why is the ship filled with creatures?
7. What's the deal with the pilot?
8. If Ash was placed on board the ship to specifically monitor and/or ensure the retrieval of an organism then we come to a whole set of subquestions:

Why send an android when there was a significant risk he could have been discovered?
Ash being on board the ship BEFORE their return trip to Earth means Weyland Yutani knew about the signal and LV-426. Why would they send completely nobodies to investigate the possible source of not only one of the most important discoveries in history, but a biological find worth potentially billions back on Earth? Why not send a research team armed with equipment to capture and save the creature they find?
How did they know there would be a creature?
How did they know there would be something worth investigating?
Ash had his orders, where did the orders come from? How much did Ash know? Did he know there was an Alien? Is that why he lets Kane back on board? It's implied subtly that Ash KNOWS Kane is being impregnated with an Alien and says nothing, but weren't Weyland Yutani concerned if there was an Alien (that they knew about?) that it wouldn't just killed everyone including Ash and then just wind up stranded on LV-426 for another decade or so?
What if the crew killed the organism? What if the crew freak out and then decided to go out and destroy the derelict with explosives?

You could argue that, yes, the actions of the crew in Alien are more "human" and natural than Prometheus, but I think if you take a surgical razor at the plots of a lot of these kinds of movies, you could come away with just as much bullshit.

misterbuns
I cannot explain to you further why character development is a more important thing than plot devices. Try reading the phone book. Lots of facts in there.

Binro the Heretic
@ StanleyPain:

1 - The ship's computer ("Mother") was programmed to respond to the signal "The Company" (Weyland-Yutani) to investigate all such signals. The crew chose to comply so they wouldn't risk losing their entire salary and possibly get fired and come out of a years-long mission empty-handed. It's a mining ship, not a military vessel and they likely didn't think weapons were necessary.

2 - It looks like most of the crew had the skills to pilot the ship, but only one guy was a medical doctor.

3 & 4 - A combination of curiosity and naivety Would you be able to pass up the chance to take a peep inside a long-dead structure of alien origin?

5, 6 & 7 - These were questions "Prometheus" was supposed to answer, but the script was written by Lindelof who is fond of saying he likes his audience to "fill in the blanks" on their own which is a roundabout way of saying he's too fucking lazy and untalented to coherently string together his cool ideas into a real narrative.

8 - Ripley's conversations with "Mother" and Ash make it clear The Company knows something dangerous is on that planet, but they probably don't know much more than that so they arrange for a bunch of expendable nobodies to land on the planet while their android gathers data. If the expendable nobodies manage to make it back to Earth with a specimen, great. If they don't, The company still gets a little info about how to deal with the organism.

OldScratch
I don't even think I need to see the movie now. This review is wonderful. A work of art.
SixDigitDebt
I couldn't help but want to play Dead Space 2 while watching Prometheus. Issac Clarke would have taken exactly zero shit from those fuckers.
memedumpster
I've heard very little good about this movie. Roger Ebert gave it four stars, pretty much guaranteeing it sucks.
voodoo_pork
What's Prometheus?
deadpan
I haven't seen Prometheus but hearing from other people about all the plot holes just makes me miss Dan O'Bannon's believable, naturalistic dialogue. Alien only worked because of the first half hour where the characters are established as ordinary people with shitty jobs.
Caminante Nocturno
Going to the movies is a waste of money.

memedumpster
I went to a big box theater yesterday to see a a locally made film for free (Nothing in the Flowers at Stonybrook in case some other poeTuckians were there), and it was wild to walk out of it realizing I had probably just watched the best movie presently showing in the theater.

Racketeer
I saw this film for five dollars at 11 AM on a Sunday.

TheSupafly
These guys unironically recommended this movie in their main show by the way.
Cube
Oh man, I finally saw this film. What a piece of crap. I can't believe that's what all the hype was about.
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