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Comment count is 21
memedumpster - 2013-05-28

My god, the music.

Suedeo - 2013-05-28

So it is written.

Bort - 2013-05-28

Take 'em.

biclops - 2013-05-28

This is my favourite story in the bible. This is also my favourite muzak version of Winner Takes It All.

Cena_mark - 2013-05-28

I love the music and how security guards would only check a persons left thigh for weapons.

The Israelites lost again because they weren't obeying God. How many times has this happened?

Bort - 2013-05-28

Makes sense, if Yahweh was originally a war god:


It'd be like a story where the Romans stopped making offerings to Mars, started losing battles, and only started winning them again when the rites of Mars were once again practiced.

Oscar Wildcat - 2013-05-28

Basically throughout the old testament. The prototype is

1) Jews come to town.
2) Jews are enslaved by locals.
3) Oh Jews suffer.
4) Yahweh gets tired of torturing Jews via locals.
5) Jews kill all the locals.
6) Happy new lands and treasure for Jews! Thanks, Yahweh!
7) Wash, rinse and repeat in next town.

There is a chapter ( name escapes me at the moment ) that consists of nothing but this story told 4 or 5 times. It makes an important point, which is that history is written by the winners and that the biggest bullies invariably portray themselves as victims.

Triggerbaby - 2013-05-28

assorted hams

Hugo Gorilla - 2013-05-28

How do I sneak this into a Sunday School class?

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-05-28

Easily, just tell them you found a great Bible story to share!

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-05-28

Adorable! If I could give you a lot more than 5 stars, I would.

garcet71283 - 2013-05-28

This story gets better after this, the kings servants don't find him for hours because they think he's taking a royal (pun intended) dump.

RocketBlender - 2013-05-28

Please make more of these.

Toenails - 2013-05-28

Yeah, you need any help?


cognitivedissonance - 2013-05-29

There's more coming. I compiled a list of Biblical grue.

RocketBlender - 2013-05-29

I seriously can't wait, please keep posting them here.

American Standard - 2013-05-28

That "dirt" was colored incorrectly.

When you get gutstabbed by a cubit-length dagger, the brown stuff that comes out ain't exactly dirt. But, yeah, you know.

jaunch - 2013-05-29

I love the cartoon, CD, but American Standard is right-- the king sprayed shit all over the parlor from his gut wound, then presumably shit some more as he died and his muscles loosened.

When his men found him later, I like to imagine he was covered in shit and chicken bones. (Remember, the knife couldn't be seen because it was buried so deep in his shit/gut). At first glance, one might have assumed the king shat himself to death.

And that's why gays can't get married. The Bible, ladies and gentlemen!

Fatback Jack - 2013-05-29

Right, in the part right after this, the two guards are standing around, wondering why Ehud and the king have been taking so long. One of them says, "the king must be covering his feet," a euphemism for dropping a deuce. Presumably they were smelling the shit from the king's massive gut wound.

jangbones - 2013-05-28

three perfectly average words that become greater than the sum of their parts when placed together;

1) biblical
2) violence
3) cartoon

RocketBlender - 2013-05-29

It certainly worked a lot better than 'cameltoe violence porn'.


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