|Rodents of Unusual Size |
|Juice Eggs McKenna |
Basically a representation of real-world Star Trek without any of Roddenberry's touchy-feely wide-eyed optimism.
Enterprise was the best Star Trek series. Discuss.
Ladies and gentlemen of the poe, EvilHomer is a brony, I rest my case on Star Trek Enterprise.
What!? A logical fallacy, me!? That sounds like something an EvilHomer would say, Mr. Purple Cat, Esquire, if that really is your name...
Hay now, I'm no bucking brony. Them's fighting words. I challenge you to a hoof race!
Look, I'm not going to lie. Enterprise was barely watchable crap. But I submit that ALL Star Trek series were barely watchable crap, and at least Enterprise had the courtesy to give us T'Pol in the decontamination chamber and Hoshi Sato doing, uh, ummmmm, fuck, doing whatever it is hot Asian linguists with a serious case of the Fluttershys do.
Mr Cat, did you really? I missed the story, but would like to hear it.
(I assume you got the name because you're a cat?)
What's great is EvilHomer isn't really wrong. For me, the ToS is unassailable awesome, but when that is removed from the equation, Enterprise has more rewatchable episodes than DS9 (which has one), and TNG (which has... uh... see what I mean). Only a few of the Voyager two part episodes dethrones Enterprise as the most rewatchable new Star Trek. So, all total, there are seven episodes of Star Trek after the ToS that I still really like, making four whole stories. It's to Enterprise's credit that it has one of those stories that happens to be a whole lot of wild fun.
I had no idea you were a cat! I must have missed your origin story.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I was perusing wikipedia entries on Voyager episodes earlier today, hoping to be reminded of episodes that didn't piss me off, and the majority are just so disappointing. That show cost a million bucks an episode. Do you have any idea what awesome plot lines they could have written and didn't? They could have really done it a lot differently with evolving characters instead of flat, wooden, impenetrably thick dullards. The first mate never had a single memorable scene. He just was sort of...there.
Nothing was worse than Voyager.
Mr. Purple Cat Esq.
In response to sexy duck cops origin story (the name mad him shit himself laughing)
"I think half the people here think I am some kind of furry or some shit but here is where my name came from..
Basically when me and my friend were like 10 in the the early 90's we found out you could change all the opening credits + the "the world was void without form" stuff in sid meiers civilisation by simply editing a text file.
So we took turns changing all the names and spiel to the silliest/funniest names and stuff we could.
And my friend came up with mr purple cat esq, which at the time had a similar effect on me as in ure sexy duck cop tale."
Good call on the last season -- they finally got around to doing what we thought the show was supposed to do all along.
One other glaring problem (besides bad writing -- watch the Vulcan Telepathic AIDS metaphor episode and tell me it doesn't sound like kids playing with their "Crossfire" action figures) was that they didn't really solve the problem of low tech. Even as of TOS we were used to deflector shields, tractor beams, and photon torpedos, so "Enterprise" had to find a way to be lower tech than that, and yet not look sucky by comparison. The answer would have been to come up with inventive solutions that would eventually be rendered obsolete by technological advances. For example, instead of rocket-propelled cables with big refrigerator magnets on the end (NX-01's answer to tractor beams), how about some sort of reshapable, adaptable grabbers that showed some inventiveness on the part of those humans?
I'd bet they wanted to come up with "equivalent but non-mechanical" low-tech so it didn't increase the budget. That's why the transporters were thought up in the first place, ironically.
But yeah, that's also a problem with Star Wars, in a way. I look at "The Old Republic" (video game, books, comics, whatever) and perhaps save for the lack of the Death Star, the technology didn't change over a thousand years, apart from the shapes of droids, mostly.
I thought the tech was the one thing they got right. They were faced with the impossible task of portraying more primitive technology than shown in the cheesy sets and 40 year old special effects of the original series. At no point were there any Star Wars prequel groaners (as far as I could tell).
I had a higher opinion of the show when it was on since I just happened to tune in to two of the better episodes: the creepy automated repair station and the one where they had to trick the enemy captive into telling them the location of a base.
When it came on Netflix last year I gave it a shot. Holy shit. Barely made it to the end of the pilot. Captain Archer had all the whiney impatient recklessness of a toddler.
Cherry Pop Culture
I never liked Enterprise. I hated the fact the cast was so weak and the costumes and dark-as-all-Hell sets were total eyesores. I kept thinking, "How do you make Star Trek terrible on such a consistent basis? Especially when it takes place in the very beginning of Earth's space exploration and formation of the Federation?" Freakin' ENTERPRISE. It was slow on top of everything else. I know Voyager gets flak, but there were little bits I liked; I did like Seven of Nine and the Doctor for example. I feel Agony Booth reflects all my feelings on this series on their Enterprise recaps.
These are the only watchable episodes of Enterprise, and the only episodes where the actors weren't just waving their arms about for a check.
This is the universe where that one guy hates pineapple cake, right?
Pretty sure he actually loves pineapple, but yes.
He loved it but was allergic! The entire episode's subplot was them trying to secretly find out his favorite food for his birthday. After several wacky failures, the doctor unethically divulged his medical history, that he took injections for his allergy so he could eat pineapple. So yeah, they broke doctor/patient confidentiality...for a cake.
That was half an episode.
If only Cochran had been able to do the hand sign.
I'm glad people care about Enterprise!
I've repped this site before, but I might as well mention it again, because it's home to the most exhaustive episode-by-episode reviews of Enterprise anywhere on the net:
The main draw on the site is the webmaster's absolutely awful sci-fi television pitch, and a smattering of delusional rants and essays on topics like: why huge casts are necessary for a good sci-fi series, why PBS is the best network for his show, how DUMB IGNORANT JEWISH PRODUCERS are conspiring to keep him down, and what famous actors have died before they got a chance to play the roles our man envisioned for them. It's some good poe-red style reading for a rainy afternoon, and hell if the poor guy doesn't know his Enterprise.
Here's his review for this episode (WARNING: contains spoilers for Stargate Atlantis!):
He does not like it. :(
Holy tribbles, that site should've been on POE Red. Apart from the 90's notepad-coded HTML layout, I loved this line that really told us what we're dealing with here:
"Locally in Illinois, I am currently picking up Enterprise on a snowy UPN affiliate that can only be received in a camper."
A camper, eh? It'd be even sadder if it wasn't HIS camper.
Ah, he lives in someplace called Wyoming, Illinois, which Googles up as having a population of around 1,000.
I bet he's well known to the movers and shakers in that burg.
It's kind of like Wolf: TAS, if instead of asking people for money, the webmaster asked for pictures of Gobots and copies of "Children of the Corn V" on VHS.
No, really, look under the Help Us section. Poor fellow.
Also, the About Me section is very revealing. Here's a sample from his resume:
"He was an Expert at AskMe.com and was also an editor on several search engines, including Wherewithal, ODP, Snap, Go and HotRate. He is a former editor of many PBS and science-fiction categories at DMOZ ODP (Open Directory Project), which had supplied Search Engine content to Lycos, Hotbot, AOL, Google and formerly AltaVista. He was the only ODP Editor to be kicked out for nominating himself in the ODP awards."
Cherry Pop Culture
Wait. firsttvdrama WASN'T a parody? I really don't know what to think anymore.
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