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Desc:A musical farewell to Sloth Week
Category:Pets & Animals, Arts
Tags:sloths, Boxxy, animalist, sloth week, I hate you JHM
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:06/30/14
Views:951
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Comment count is 32
John Holmes Motherfucker
I love everything about this, but one thing that I love especially is the way Sloth Catie reaches for the camera in some shots. She's taking that gesture from a real sloth named Buttercup that she met at the sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica. She'd been forbidden to touch the sloths, and she reluctantly complied, but Buttercup kept reaching for her. I find it very poignant.


http://youtu.be/YVLbgiUtgyg
http://tinyurl.com/pcmrh38
EvilHomer
Rock on, John. Rock on.

She's really never going away, is she?

John Holmes Motherfucker
Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone would be famous for 15 minutes, but he said that in 1968, and THAT future has come and gone. In THIS future, everyone is famous forever... though some are more famous than others.

EvilHomer
You should really take a clip of Sloth-Boxxy reaching for the camera, and set it to the music from American Beauty.

I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up.

Adham Nu'man
That sloth sanctuary is located just a few miles North of the country's marihuana capital. No wonder Boxxy looks so happy and chill in this video.

Adham Nu'man
Also, Sloths at a sanctuary are all cute and stuff but the ones in the wild are pretty fucking gross. I'm talking "insect riddled swamp growing on your back" level gross.

John Holmes Motherfucker
>>That sloth sanctuary is located just a few miles North of the country's marihuana capital. No wonder Boxxy looks so happy and chill in this video.

She lives in California, dude. I mean, CALIFORNIA, right?

Catie claims to be "the only person in California" who doesn't like weed, and she also claims to have not tried alcohol before she was 21. However, she takes ADD meds, and if they're anything like what I've been taking for 15 years (Adderal), they can be pretty sweet. Marijuana can be pretty harmless for most people, but I think regular use is not a good thing for ADD. That's not science, purely anecdotal.

Adham Nu'man
I'm glad she has a nice job that pays her to travel to exotic places doing nice little silly web videos about animals. In the end it's good she kept doing her thing and pursuing job opportunities rather than fleeing the interwebs forever.

John Holmes Motherfucker
It would have been a horrible precedent. She was told by an organized group of hackers not to make any more videos. If that kind of campaign had succeeded in silencing her, I think it would have happened again.

If you watch both these videos, notice how the second one contains a SERIOUS veiled threat, in the form of a warning. "If even a few of them hunt her down and harass her in real life, it could be terrible."


http://youtu.be/ViYoukuJ8Qw

http://youtu.be/0Il777Y8FvI

And they DID hunt her down in real life. And they posted violent rape porn on 4chan, and there were death threats in her youtube comments. Back then, when this kind of shit was brand new, it seemed a lot more serious than it does now.

And she explicitly and publicly forgave them. The head of the CBCR (The Center for Boxxy Control and Restriction) became one of her fiercest allies. To me, that's epic. I don't know many stories about forgiveness on the internet, and I sure don't know any better ones.

baleen
I'm upset that she doesn't actually poop in this video.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I think homer probably is, too.

EvilHomer
It's strange, but poop is one of the few things I can't get off to. Well, to be honest, I've never really given it the old college try, but I still don't see it working out for me.

You know, Mr Holmes, I was thinking. When he was nearly 50, my father got remarried to a woman less than half his age. My stepmother, I don't think she was much older than Boxxy when they first started dating. So don't lose hope! You've got a chance. You just need to have a nice job, and a charming English accent, know when to neg her, and hope that some young buck, like Pearly Teeth Rastamon over there, doesn't scoop up Catie before you make your move.

Pillager
She's no longer Boxxy to me.

She has ascended to Sloth Babe.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
You will never have sex with her JHM.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Oh, god, I hope not! Karma would squash me like a bug. If I try to picture it, there's no sex, just, cut to: me hating myself for pissing away an opportunity like that. Because there's no potential there. I want to make a video with her. Still, I think if she wanted to, she could probably wear down my resolve. She's very attractive. So my first line of defense is to stay old and fat. So far, I've been sticking to the plan.

Meerkat
I'm old and studly. But bald. With no eyebrows. And glasses. But I've worked my ass off for 10 years to sculpt a rock-hard body that no chick will fucking touch because I have no eyebrows.

Old_Zircon
Dudebro you just got to grow a killer skullet.

EvilHomer
So does finding her attractive in this video make one a furry? She is fursuiting, after all.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Well, this isn't really fursuiting. As I suspected, she's wearing pyjamas.

http://tinyurl.com/o3qsx5s

Apparenly, Catie only shows cleavage on holidays, which in a way that I can't explain easily, strikes me as classier than never showing anything. It's like... FESTIVE! She did the infamous Santa Baby video that got me into so much trouble here, and also a sexy princess jasmine for halloween.

Other than that, in my opinion, when she wants to be sexy, instead of showing skin, she goes for the much less obvious option of tactile fabrics, usually, that's flannel pyjamas. She wears pyjamas about as often as Jenna Marbles wears bikinis. It's sexy when she wears pyjamas, and she knows it, though she might use different words. She ALWAYS knows what she's doing.

John Holmes Motherfucker
The reason why I mentioned you, homer, was because you were disappointed when she didn't demonstrate butt-chugging. That doesn't really follow, though.

Homer, I have flirted openly with this girl's mother. There's no way back from that, and i don't want one. To be the 50something boyfriend of a 20something with thousands of 20somethings in love with her just seems like a kind of hell. Why on earth would I want that?

Her mom is another story. She's not obviously great looking the way her daughter is, but you know that if you spent time with her, you'd find a beauty that would grow to overwhelm you, and she's just a force of nature. And she's been very kind to me. In some ways, Catie is the tip of the Lisa iceberg. Believe it.

Adham Nu'man
That crafty minx.

Adham Nu'man
Maybe you could become her stepdad.

EvilHomer
Oh. I thought you mentioned me because of the comment I made before, about eating Boxxy's poop if she dressed up like Rainbow Dash.

EvilHomer
Oh, sorry. Not eating her poop, "gargling her urine".

John Holmes Motherfucker
Well.... that DOESN'T sound like hell. That's about all I'm going to say about that. It's not the likeliest of scenarios, but it doesn't make me recoil in horror, like that other thing homer mentioned.

Binro the Heretic
Is this the dingbat who said "aminals" in that other video?

John Holmes Motherfucker
Yep. Wasn't that adorable? Actually, I thought it was terrible, until she talked about how she was doing it on purpose. I love Catie, but I could live without the occasional lapses into baby talk.

Binro the Heretic
...

Am I missing something, here?

John Holmes Motherfucker
I think you are, but it's nothing you really need. You can get by without it.

John Holmes Motherfucker
LOL I see that somebody linked up I HATE YOU JHM. I can't look yet.
EvilHomer
It's the same video. The tags sometimes link themselves twice, for some reason.

I do like that tag, however.

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