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Desc:Independent woman learns her place in 90 minute website commercial.
Category:Religious, Trailers
Tags:movie, Trailer, Christian, stephen tobolowsky, mingle
Submitted:magnesium
Date:08/16/14
Views:1521
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Comment count is 50
Hooker
So can you make a good living writing boilerplate garbage? Because I'm, like, 95% sure I could pump out a script like this every month if I were properly motivated.
magnesium
Only if you're a washed up actor from LA Law.

SolRo
Why would they pay someone to write this script? Get an intern at the dating site to write one up.

cognitivedissonance
I know a guy who writes one Hallmark Channel Christmas Week script a year. He gets about ,000 for it. They apparently have a big list of Christmas related titles they want to use, they have potential writers pick out five, the writer pitches five possibilities, they pick one, he has three weeks to write it, they shoot it in five, it's in the can and never seen or watched ever again once the Christmas season is over. There's apparently dozens of these, he says he likely owns the only copies of his films because nobody puts them out on home media, nobody records things anymore and once they're done Hallmark Channel effectively retires them.

The most recent one he did was about a Canadian boy and an American girl bonding over a matchmaking Yorkshire terrier in a snowstorm. I forget what the title was.

BiggerJ
"I forget what the title was."

That was really the most effective way you could have ended that.

Rodents of Unusual Size
This is what occurs to me when I watch various Syfy monster movies. It's not like it would be tremendously hard.

I need to pitch an idea to Syfy. I'm serious. I hate to work.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Did you guys miss that this was written and directed by Corbin Bernsen?

The Mothership
magnesium didn't. how could you miss it?

oddeye
Your friend is awesome. I've been through many phases of trying to write but I never got a job where you could be paid to write (I am assuming) thinly veiled "unintentionally" funny bullshit and have it green-lit into a tv movie.

Lucky bugger.

EvilHomer
So the idea has to get approved by the Hallmark Channel? Because I just read one of the saddest stories I've ever seen over on the My Little Waifu forums, and I'd love to turn it into a Hallmark Channel screenplay. It's about a violent stalker facing serious jail time, who takes solace in the imaginary arms of his tulpa.

That guy
However bad this might be, it's got nothing on HBO's The Leftovers. 75 user reviews, 40 of them are red.

http://www.metacritic.com/tv/the-leftovers

That guy
The writing is staggeringly bad.

infinite zest
poe should pool its collective talents into a screenplay or miniseries. I was working on this television show that kinda went tits-up so I need stuff to do.

They should make a tinder the movie. It's called "let's fuck in the back of your SUV" and it's 10 minutes long and kind of smells like incense.

EvilHomer
Oh wow. That Guy, you weren't kidding. The hell is up with that?! The Leftovers is a really good show!

I thought the backlash was going to be coming over the show's blatant Illuminati messages, but the negative reviews seem to be coming from people who think it's either too slow (yet everyone loves Mad Men...?) or too artsy (I'm not even sure wtf that's supposed to mean!) Is everyone still mad about Lost? Is that what this is? Seriously, what the hell people, it's no My Little Pony, but it's a really fun show!

EvilHomer
They're probably the same dorks who ragequit over the ending to Battlestar Galactica.

infinite zest
I really liked the Leftovers novel so I'm curious. I think it's about 5 eps in now so I'll check it out if you guys say it's good. Now that Californication's over I don't have much to watch.

That guy
I am not saying it's good!! The writing is like an elephant playing piano, and it deserves all the bad user reviews it gets.

EvilHomer
He is saying it's good. The writing is like an elephant who trained at Juilliard. His interpretations of Rachmaninoff are considered amongst the best in the world, and he plays a piano whose keys were made from his very own ivory.

EvilHomer
My favorite episode so far was episode six. I won't spoil anything, but: best use of Slayer I've heard in a good long while.

The show goes over a lot people's heads, lots of dream sequences and not enough fucking, but you'd probably enjoy it.

That guy
The show goes under a lot of people's butts, amirite.

EvilHomer
As long as it's the daughter's hot friend's butt. Mrrow she's a would!

Jack Dalton
I know I should be cynical and think this is total garbage, but I thought it was kind of charming, and I hope that Farmers Only and Our Time round out the trilogy well.
Xenocide
All those record scratches really help sell it.

jreid
It's actually called Christian Mingle: The Movie?

Wow.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I praise God this movie was made, but for all the wrong reasons.

EvilHomer
Like Lacey Chabert.

John Holmes Motherfucker
She totally makes me want to stab Caesar, if you know what I mean.



(Not really, but I couldn't resist.)

EvilHomer
Lacey Chabert.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I praise god for making Lacey Chabert. Not for this movie, which I suspect He's going to hate this movie, too.

Why would anyone lie to join Christian Mingle? Why wouldn't she just go with EHarmony , or OverbiteFetish.com?
EvilHomer
You think she's fetch too, huh?

oddeye
GOD obviously made her sign up in order to turn her christian since he couldn't have had the exact same thing happen with a different site. Plus there was a sale on.

HarrietTubmanPI
I know Lacey's cousin, and the strange thing is even in family photos Lacey looks as heavily made up as she does on film. It's strange. I don't know Lacey personally and honestly didn't have any desire to meet her, even though I probably could have. She must be hurting for a paycheck if she took this gig, though.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Acting is one profession where if you're working, you can consider yourself a success. Her IMDB page shows a hard-working actress who isn't too picky. She's got the female lead in four movies in post-production. This is one; the other three all look like they could all be for Hallmark (two have "Christmas" in the title.) She's also done a fair amount of video game and cartoon voice-over, including 13 years on Family Guy.

EvilHomer
She wasn't on Family Guy for very long. They fired her ass ages ago (possibly after the first or second season?) and replaced her with the younger, prettier Mila Kunis. Seth McFarlane still makes cruel jokes at her expense.

John Holmes Motherfucker
From I MDB, it looks like she filled in for Mila when she was off doing movie work. She's credited with 13 episodes from 1999 - 2013

EvilHomer
I dunno, IMDB gets a bit wonky with dates sometimes; my guess is the credit listings are based off the show's air dates, and not necessarily the actresses involvement. I'm very rusty on Family Guy trivia, but I don't believe she's done anything for them since the first or second year of it's run, with the *possible* exception of one episode where Stewie goes back in time to the pilot episode (IIRC, they just reuse her audio, she does not record any new lines) I don't know precisely why she got fired, but I get the feeling it wasn't very amicable, and I don't think she's had any contact with the show since.

The Mothership
Morgan Fairchild, Nooooooooooo!
Quad9Damage
*RECORD SCRATCH*

Two of them.
Binro the Heretic
"Look! She's riding a bike, wearing man-clothes, drinking expensive coffee and focusing on her career. Hey! She just met a devoutly Christian dude she likes and now she's wearing more dresses, spending time out of the office and seems more interested in being around children!"
Xenocide
OKCUPID: THE MOVIE

Can one quirky single girl find love with someone who thinks cuddling is "very important" but thinks enjoying books is only "somewhat important?" Is it worth the sacrifice?

TWITTER: THE MOVIE

Can one quirky single girl find love when her cognitive disorder prevents her from speaking more than one sentence at a time?

GOOGLE: THE MOVIE

Can one quirky single girl find directions to a nice Italian restaurant within 20 minutes of her house? Yes.

FACEBOOK: THE MOVIE

Can your quirky divorced uncle stop sending you links to Worldnetdaily stories about how Obama wants to take his guns?

TUMBLR: THE MOVIE

Can one quirky film director make a movie consisting entirely of reblogs from other movies? Is "reblog" just his term for stealing entire scenes from other films and pasting them together? Is this illegal?

POETV: THE MOVIE

Can one quirky single bouncer find a jar of genuine wolf urine before midnight? Is he one semi-obscure WWE reference away from getting a bunch of five-star replies? Find out when Jake "The Snake" Roberts.
oddeye
Good work, I'm green lighting at least 2 of these concepts.

dairyqueenlatifah
I can actually see a few of those happening.

Quad9Damage
What about Myspace: The Movie?

dairyqueenlatifah
It's "The Social Network" meets "God's Not Dead"!
Quad9Damage
What is it with Christians and this fantasy about nonbelievers stumbling into salvation? Many Atheists and Agnostics quit church after spending their childhoods being mulched through indoctrination but these movies would have you believe that no non-Christian has ever heard of Jesus.
dairyqueenlatifah
As someone who grew up with foster parents that had a huge hardon for this kind of crap, I can say that the idea that people once believed in and left their religion makes them extremely uncomfortable. The idea that someone could know their faith back and forth, and leave it for something else, rather than the other way around, ruins their mentally established narrative.

The thing that bugs me most about this is the whole premise; why in the hell would a non-Christian sign up for a Christian dating website? It just seems so silly. And then she ends up going to church and converting because that's what it'll take to stay with the so hawt guy who's a Christian that she wants to screw?

Jesus, Christianity, you sure do like making your religion look like whores R us.

oddeye
Maybe the twist is he's baptist and she wants to be catholic so they share a last kiss, hold hands and jump into an industrial rock crusher.

After the credits there is an Easter egg of them burning in hell with Skeleton Hitler.

TeenerTot
"If you're not careful you'll be the last one standing."

Oh! Record scratch!
zerobackup
I've hung out with Christians quite a bit recently. They are no different than you or I, my friends. Some were closeted gays, some were rebellious daughters and some were kind-hearted people who suffered a big loss. I liked them, and when religion was brought up (hardly ever) we had a calm discussion about it. I say I'm atheist, and we have a discussion on what that means to me personally. Then they discuss what Christianity means to them personally, we find out we agree on 90% of the same morals and values and that is where it ends.

I've met my share of hypocrite evangelicals too, no doubt. I think for the most part, religious and non-religious people have much more in common than either one would care to admit.
oddeye
Hate the people, not their religion.

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