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Comment count is 65
il fiore bel - 2015-07-07

Not satisfied with slipping his tongue between buns for all those years?

Bort - 2015-07-07


memedumpster - 2015-07-07

"Eat Fresh" did not mean what he thought it did.

chumbucket - 2015-07-08

* x 5

Shoebox Joe - 2015-07-08

* x 5*2

Anaxagoras - 2015-07-07

When asked about Jared, the Subway corporation said that they did not know "that man", although they vaguely remember meeting him once.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-07-07

Let's be clear: No one has found any child pornography. The feds are SEARCHING for it because they SUSPECT he MIGHT be ASSOCIATED with someone else accused of pedophilia.

I'm capitalizing all this because there's a very good chance this is a totally innocent man whose life is going to shit because of a baseless accusation. No matter what, he's gonna have to live with "accused child pornography enthusiast" stapled to his name for the rest of his life. If he's innocent, it will be a genuine tragedy.

Miss Henson's 6th grade class - 2015-07-07

True enough, but even if he is innocent, he'd still be guilty of annoying me.

namtar - 2015-07-07

I assume they have good reasons to search Jared's home, but it seems super unlikely that both Jared and his former employee would BOTH be into child porn and collude together to make it.

If true, how did they link up? Is there a career section on 4chan?

Doomstein - 2015-07-07

Stop trying to break up the circle-jerk SDC, this place is reserved for snappy child-rape related one-liners.

infinite zest - 2015-07-07

Yeah a genuine tragedy for shitty soggy sandwiches around the world. Big loss today.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-07-07

How often do they ruin people's lives based on accusations, though? Because I know in the Paul Reubens case, that was just some serious breach of 1st Amendment rights and all they found was a shitload of old gay porn mags. They fucking ruined that man, all so someone could get a promotion for busting someone famous.

But the Peewee Herman thing was years ago and I just assume the Feds have their shit way more together now with evidence gathering than they used to. I hope.

infinite zest - 2015-07-07

Pee wee was busted for fapping it in public though, to a regular adult movie. His status as a child entertainer was really all that came into question, no pun intended. He committed no crime as far as I know but it was the context. Jared's different. People of all ages love Subway (for whatever stupid reason) but child porn isn't cool no matter what. What makes me more sick is that i just saw a commercial for subway in support of the Special Olympics. :(

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-07

I thought it was even worse than that, the story I remember was that it wasn't even porn, it was a collection of rare Victorian art photos that belonged to Jeffery Jones (who Paul Rubens was living with at the time) but because he was Pee Wee they arrested him and the media ran with it.

infinite zest - 2015-07-07

I thought it was just something like a classic raincoat movie. I'll have to check this out. The analogy makes sense but I'll defend any kind of porn or fetish except for kids, or even the porn that stars adults where they make you believe they're under the legal age of consent

Shoebox Joe - 2015-07-07

[ a commercial for subway in support of the Special Olympics.]

Jared's innocent I tell you! Innocent! Does this look like a man who would go after irregular dough?!

simon666 - 2015-07-07

Two issues with Peewee: 1) He was busted for wanking to an adult movie, and this tanked his career; 2) A number of years later, he and Jeffrey Jones (Howard the Duck, the Principal in Ferris Bueller's Day Off) were busted for child porn. On this issue, Reubens had purchased, in bulk, old Victorian art of which some had naked children. The charges were dropped against him, while Jones I think actually tried to solicit a 14 year old to pose for pictures and Jones got probation for this.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-07

IZ, you're thinking of the public exposure scandal (I was just the right age to think it was funny instead of sad when it happened so I distinctly remember the reports - he was jacking it at a double feature of Nurse Nancy and Tiger Shark), the bogus kiddie porn thing happened a few years later when he was already on the rocks from the more famous one.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-07

What simon666 said.

I didn't know that Jefferey Jones had actually apparently done something, that's a shame. Jeffery Jones is a perennial favorite, I loved him in Deadwood.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-07-07

So you guys see what's happening here, right? You can't agree on the facts, only that Reubens was "sort of involved with" child pornography. That's not an accusation you make lightly. Either a person is guilty of a monstrous crime or they aren't. Jacking off in public is light years away from being sexually aroused by children. One crime is just really gross; the other is at the bottom of human depravity.

And that's the problem. We're way too casual in lumping in garden-variety perverts with absolute monsters. For years, I thought Paul Reubens was an honest-to-go child rapist. Then I learned all he did was masturbate in a porn theater, to which I can only say: What the fuck are you supposed to do in a porn theater? Stroke your chin and nod politely at the fine art you're witnessing? The weirdest thing about the whole story is that porn theaters still exist in the first place. And yet somehow, people equated this with "He molests children," and no one bothered to correct the story.

I hope, for everyone involved, that the feds don't find anything. Not because I like Jared; no one does. Just because I want all parties involved to have not hurt anyone and to go on living normal lives. But that will never happen. Right or wrong, the accusation itself will ruin his life.

Nominal - 2015-07-07

I will have NO problem helping ruin a former spokesman life on baseless allegations when this happens to the "Can you hear me now?" guy.

Bort - 2015-07-07

"Jacking off in public is light years away from being sexually aroused by children. One crime is just really gross; the other is at the bottom of human depravity."

Point of order: there is a world of difference between being sexually aroused by children, and doing anything that leads (directly or indirectly) to children being molested. I don't think there's anyone who chooses to be attracted to children; at issue is what they do about it, or don't.

fluffy - 2015-07-07

These accusations ruin lives.

infinite zest - 2015-07-08

Oh wow. That totally seems like something I should've heard about, but that particular year was weird for me. However from Wikipedia,"Bill Cosby defended Reubens, saying, "Whatever [Reubens has] done, this is being blown all out of proportion."

infinite zest - 2015-07-08

Shoebox Joe reluctantly gets all of my black stars


il fiore bel - 2015-07-08

SDC, I'm well aware there are no other details on this case, not the findings, or even what exactly he's being suspected of, nothing damning (and no, "having a link" to someone who jacked off to kiddie porn is not proof of anything other than having associated with someone who jacked off to kiddie porn). I'm still waiting for more information before deciding if I think he's guilty or not. I understand how serious it is just to be linked to someone else's crime, and how bad it looks with all of the cops raiding the home he shares with his wife and his own kids.

That doesn't mean I'll stop making jokes about it.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-08

It's more "was running a charity that put him in contact with a large number of children, while employing somebody who was operating a kiddie porn production studio" which is still not direct evidence but definitely sketchier.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-07-08

Old Zircon: It's not entirely sketchy. Remember in the 2008 elections when Obama was "associated" with terrorists? It doesn't make him a terrorist. It means that we live in an imperfect world where you don't automatically know the life story of every person in your employ. I tutor children and young adults; if it turns out one of my friends is a pedophile, am I suddenly a child molester? Or could it be that a job that involves working with children could attract pedophiles?

Nominal: Yeah fuck that guy.

memedumpster - 2015-07-08

Anyway, according to the news today he wasn't charged with anything and the investigation is about someone else. Someone turning out to NOT be a kiddy fiddler is always a good thing.

We can all deep throat a foot long with pride, once again.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-07-08

>>So you guys see what's happening here, right? You can't agree on the facts, only that Reubens was "sort of involved with" child pornography. That's not an accusation you make lightly. Either a person is guilty of a monstrous crime or they aren't.

The charges were dropped, and Pee-Wee's career is doing fine. In fact, a few months ago, there was talk of a new movie, even though, these days, he's starting to look like Ben Stein.

From what I said, it's just like someone already said. He bought some vintage bulk images that contained some under-age nudes. The fact is, for better or for worse, stuff like this wasn't always illegal. In the 70s, my parents would get this monthly mail order catalog from a discount book retailer, and there would ALWAYS be photo books about young boys and the catalog text would ALWAYS mention that they would include photos of boys skinny-dipping, and being, you know... natural!

Other than that, Pee-Wee checked out fine (I know I shouldn't call him Pee-Wee, but I just can't seem to help it.) There was no child porn on his computer, and they say you can't hide stuff like that.

So it's completely possible that Jerod could also be cleared in the end. I'd like that. Lord knows, we should all be careful not to spread unfounded stories on the internet.. The poor guy's got enough problems, as I'm pretty sure I saw something on TV about him having AIDS.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-08

Sexy Duck Cop, what I was saying is that the nature of his business, and his business relationship with the other guy, and the fact that the other guy was actually MAKING kiddy porn apparently, make it understandable that he would be treated as more of a potential accomplice than if it were a situation like your hypothetical, especially in the wake of the high profile celebrity pedo rings that have been uncovered over the past few years.

Glad to hear he apparently isn't a suspect.

fedex - 2015-08-23

Well SDC, what do you think now?

Sexy Duck Cop - 2015-09-04

I stand by everything I said. You're innocent until proven guilty, and this motherfucker was proven guilty.

EvilHomer - 2015-07-07

I was wondering why interest in Jared had spiked! Earlier today, I was checking Google's list of trending searches in order to add some SEO-relevant terms to the Brian Harrod submission. For some reason (this, I suppose), Jared had leapt to the top of the list.

What do you want to bet this story is going to be the start of Big Pedo paving the way for godless Pedo Marriages?!?

memedumpster - 2015-07-07

"Big Pedo" is that Adam Sandler movie we all know is going to happen sooner or later.

Doomstein - 2015-07-07

I think the lobbyists from the Warren Jeffs compound beat them to the punch.

Bort - 2015-07-08

In "Big Pedo", Adam Sandler would play both the child molester and the 12-year-old boy. By the end, the molester learns that molesting is bad, while the 12-year-old boy realizes the molester is the father figure he needed all along.

Fully three-quarters of the film features them holding Taco Bell products.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-08

Pedo-Sandler would receive multiple nut shots with some kind of sports implement in a hilariously botched attempt to molest child-Sandler, causing him to hilariously fall out of a second story window into a cart full of manure that the hilarious Mexican immigrant gardener (also Sandler) was transporting by donkey. After this all three would go to Taco Bell and have a heartfelt reconciliation, during which none of them would appear in the same shot together. There would be at least four closeups of pedo-sandler soothing his injured nuts with an ice cold Coke. Unfortunately pedo-Sandler confused the Taco Bell Mild Border Sauce with Taco Bel Fire Border Sauce, which causes him to run around making Speedy Gonzalez noises, splashing everyone with Coke from the cup that he is still holding in his crotch so that it looks like he his hilariously peeing Coke on everyone. Then Mexican Gardner Sandler steals the taco, eats it and then looks directly at the camera and shrugs because he is Mexican so it doesn't taste spicy to him. Roll credits.

Actually that would be a lot better than most of the Sandler movies I've seen.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-07-10

also starring Rob Schneider as the pedo counselor, who became a pedo counselor because everyone just mistook him for a child molester, because he looks just like one.

infinite zest - 2015-07-07

Woah! Just yesterday IZ was talking about how his comp lit prof was busted for soliciting sex on instant messenger. They planned to meet in a subway parking lot. What's going on? Was I actually that boy and this is all a dream? If so, should I see if I can fly?

memedumpster - 2015-07-07

Whoa, pardner, one thing at a time...

Is InfiniteZest in there and can we talk to him?

infinite zest - 2015-07-07

He's watching Seinfeld.

memedumpster - 2015-07-07

That... explains a lot actually.

infinite zest - 2015-07-07


Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-07-08

Whaaaaaaat is the deeeeeeal with perverts?

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-08

He lost a bet.

Hooker - 2015-07-07

"Subway has said they have no connection to the Jared Foundation." :|

The Mothership - 2015-07-07

Probably by design.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2015-07-07

So...would they do a raid like this if he just had it on his computer or was he actually filming it? Because they're both pretty bad but I don't know of too many raids they've done on people who have just downloaded this shit.

The South Park episode is going to seem so much worse now.

Doomstein - 2015-07-07

They hit downloaders just as hard, it's just more difficult to prove that Sauceman McPedofork setting up a studio in his basement, raping the neighbor kids, and selling the tapes on ebay. Law Enforcement mainly go after Low-hanging fruit, meaning people with a solid volume of evidence against them, otherwise they risk getting publicly humiliated and counter-fucked by the innocent party in court.

http://jonathanturley.org/2011/08/30/ninth-circuit-holds-firef ighter-can-sue-detectives-after-arrest-based-on-false-allegations- of-child-pornography/

Usually the people you read about are so brazen that they unknowingly invite the cops over to their house to help them run their child smut websites, or they spend 20 hours a day every day downloading it and leave it open for their wives to stumble upon.

So yeah, I think they have to have SOMETHING legit to base this on, and not be discreet, otherwise the blowback will be massive.

Bort - 2015-07-07

If you run a network where you can't strictly control who gets on, you might want to consider blocking access to Tor. I don't know as much about this stuff as I wish I did, but as I understand it, you need the Tor browser to get at the stuff that the government has no sense of humor about, and Tor in turn needs a list of "exit addresses" that it can use to find its way around. Block those addresses and Tor is dead in the water, or so I assume.

Here's PHP code I use on one of my routers (a Linux box) to block access to Tor exit addresses:

$torlist = file_get_contents("https://check.torproject.org/exit-addresses");< br />
$lines = explode("\n", $torlist);

for ($i = 0; $i

Bort - 2015-07-07

... Okay, that didn't post, it probably looked too scripty. For each line retrieved from that URL, pull the IP address out of the line (if one can be found) and add it to your router rules:

if (preg_match('/ExitAddress (\d+\.\d+\.\d+\.\d+) /', $lines[$i], $matches)) {
$thisip = $matches[1];
`/usr/sbin/iptables -I FORWARD -s $thisip -j DROP`;
`/usr/sbin/iptables -I FORWARD -d $thisip -j DROP`;

TeenerTot - 2015-07-08

>>So...would they do a raid like this if he just had it on his computer or was he actually filming it?

On the computer is enough. Happened to my boss at work some years ago.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-08

The irony, of course, is that the main reason Tor exists is that it is underwritten by grants from the US government because its primary purpose is to be a safe communication tool for US intelligence operatives working outside the country, and there is a certain amount of tolerance for stuff like pedos and terrorists and organized crime on there because their traffic provides cover for the spies.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-07

You can all just pretend I made a joke about footlongs or something I don't feel like taking the time to actually come up with one.

memedumpster - 2015-07-07

This is why Brian Harrod can't have nice things.

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-07

You know what, from here out I'm just going to describe shitty jokes I COULD HAVE posted instead of actually posting them. Should have gotten them when you had your chance, Harrod!

Nominal - 2015-07-07

I was going with something along the lines of "Subway had conditioned him to go for tiny portions" but it never really formed.

Sanest Man Alive - 2015-07-08

While we're at the non-joke joking, pretend I linked the Achewood strips wherein Vlad and Teodor discuss all the ways Jared Fogle could die horribly.

15th - 2015-07-07

I don't know which of his appetites is more disgusting.

The Mothership - 2015-07-07

And this comment wins the 5 stars.

Bort - 2015-07-08

"... got any three-inch subs?"

i'm so sorry

infinite zest - 2015-07-08

I won't hold it against you :P

Old_Zircon - 2015-07-08

something something meatball grinder

BHWW - 2015-07-09

I came across a whiny FREE JARED speech posted on imgur, it was a whole bunch of whiny nerds insisting that Jared Did Nothing Wrong and people are way too judgmental about child porn.

Never change, nerds.

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