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Desc:When you've pissed off Betty White, it's time to rethink your hobbies
Category:Pets & Animals, Crime
Tags:Lion, betty white, bob barker, Mia Farrow, poaching
Submitted:il fiore bel
Date:08/05/15
Views:963
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Comment count is 30
Old_Zircon
The suicide rate for dentists is still 4 or 5 times the rate in the general population, maybe this will push him over the edge.

Is Betty White a cyborg? She hasn't aged since Clinton was elected.
John Holmes Motherfucker
My mother died in June. She was, quite simply, an amazing woman. Among other things, she worked for years as a nurse in an emergency room, where she was nearly exposed to HIV. She didn't let anyone know about it until months later, when she tested negative. She saved people's lives as her JOB, her daily grind. As far as I'm concerned, that's like being a Navy Seal or something. One night in the seventies, my parents went out to dinner, and someone in the restaurant had a heart attack, and my mom was the only person on the scene who knew CPR.

She also spent some time in jail, for a drunk driving incident. In a blackout she drove her car into a ditch, left it there, walked home and went to bed, until the police woke her up. She and my Dad split in 1981, after I had moved to another state. That was my good fortune. My brother, one of the most decent people I've ever known, was provoked to the point of punching our mother in the face, knocking her down.

They made up afterward, pretty easily. She and I... had problems, ever since I was seven, when my little brother was born, and she suffered what I now believe to be a severe post-partum depression. I'd pretty much worshipped her for the first few years of my life, and then, seemingly in an instant, she turned mean. It was 1965, no one knew anything about depression, least of all seven year old me. I felt betrayed, and, the way I remember, I responded by also being mean. I think I may have been pretty good at it. I'm happy to say we eventually reconciled, bu54444444444444rt e4ithat pretty much took up all of the 50 years we had left together. Now that she's gone, I have regrets. I forgave my mother a long time ago, and now I have to forgive myself. I'll get there. She deserved my forgiveness, and so do I.

In the end, she was sober and happy. She moved to North Carolina, where she lived for 30 years with her girlfriend. I don't believe they were lovers, don't know, don't really care. They had a good time together.

One more interesting fact about my mom. She wrote her own obituary, probably from her hospital bed, on her cell phone. "She loved animals, travel, and helping others." There's no doubt in my mind that it was no accident that animals came first. My mother celebrated her 50th birthday by swimming with a dolphin.

Some of you know that I have a shitload of cats. Caring for animals makes me feel close to her. It's how she'd want me to remember her, and it's the thing that has brought me the most comfort.

All of of this is to fully convey just how much I respect and revere the love of animals, because I feel the need to be critical. I can forgive Betty White for publicly saying that dentist should be castrated. I'm going to assume that she's not internet savvy, and doesn't understand how that shit can snowball into something ugly. Betty, darling, that's just not not right. ET, you should know better.

Mia Farrow, you are a fucked-up bitch, doxing him like that. And I should know, because I am a fucked-up son of a bitch. This isn't about the stupid dentist, it's about the animals. Get a grip, people.
Rodents of Unusual Size
Wow, thanks for sharing all that. I'm glad you got to reconcile with your mother.

That having been said, my own mother was bugfuck nuts. I've talked about this before, but she was one of the most evil people I'll ever know. But for some reason she loved animals. She kept pigeons and rabbits (they were everywhere on a property which was basically a giant shithole) and we had a dog we could barely afford.

When I think of my mother, I remember how she was so devoted to animal rights, but she was never devoted to me or my sister. She never bothered to stop her addiction, get off welfare, get a job, and move us out of the one room shack I spent my entire childhood in. She exposed me to danger any number of times. But it never angered her that I could get hurt as a consequence of her actions. I think she downplayed it in her mind. But if you talked about elephants and ivory, she would lose her shit.

Some people have really fucked up priorities. I'll never understand her insanity, and I'll never respect what she did. But I share a love of wildlife and I'll always be passionate about having laws protect the endangered populations that are left. It doesn't mean I don't have sympathy for humans. A lot of right wingers on Facebook are posting things like "Liberals upset about lion death but don't care about dead babies at Planned Parenthood!" as if anyone who cares about this wants a bunch of dead babies. I think everyone just needs to calm the FUCK down and logically think about how we can have less dead animals and dead babies (though I don't think Planned Parenthood is the place to start, if you want to look at dead babies, look at better prenatal care plans and infant mortality rates in the South)

Just my two cents.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I'd never presume to tell you that you should forgive your mother. I don't know anything about you, not even your age and gender. What I will tell you is that it may turn out one day that forgiving your mother is the best way for you to be happy, and you should be open to that.

What happened to me was no one's fault, but living with it is my responsibility.

One Saturday Night, a long time ago, I'm walking down the street, and this drunk guy comes up to me, starts walking with me, and tells me about all the people he killed in Vietnam. I can't remember any of the details, it was just this incredible list of inhuman atrocities. Maybe he was just fucking with me, maybe he couldn't tell anyone who was close to him about these things. In the moment, I believed him. When he was done, he asked me what i thought about that.

I consider my answer to be one of the best moments of my life. "Can you live with it?", I asked. "Because, I think you should."

It just came out of my mouth. I didn't know what I was going to say until it had been said. It felt like divine inspiration, but it was just obvious. What the fuck else could he do? And you could see that was how it hit him., with all the clarity of the totally fucking obvious. He beamed at me, and offered to buy me a drink. I regret not liking it, but at that moment, I just wanted to get the fuck away from this scary dude. Did I mention that this guy was huge?

I don't know if he remembered what I said the next day, but I never forgot it. Whatever happens to you, living with it is pretty much your job.

John Holmes Motherfucker
>I regret not **liking it, but at that moment, I just wanted to get the fuck away from this scary dude.

I regret not **taking it, but at that moment, I just wanted to get the fuck away from this scary dude.

TeenerTot
Sorry about your mom, JHM.

And your mom too RoUS.

Can I share about my mom?
My mom had a really really shitty childhood. Her mom had been married to an alcoholic, then a child molester. And of course grandma being divorced (twice) meant they were ostracized. At one point they literally scrubbed floors in a boarding house. When my mom had us kids, it triggered a raging bully in her. I have a hard time sorting out my pity for her and my resentment that she made my own childhood kinda crappy. I guess that's what being an adult means: You do your best to forgive so you can get on with your own life.

baleen
My mom was an alcoholic too. She died in December of cancer after a year of me living here, trying to take care of her and hoping she would beat it.

It's tough to have complicated moms (or dads) who we love dearly but also betray our trust in some essential way. I think about this a lot.
All we can hope for is some kind of closure before the people that we love leave the Earth, and to not, as they did, focus on how wounded we are. This is hard because we have to turn our backs on our parents, and this means letting them die, which feels in itself an act of betrayal. Both of my parents are haunted by their families, they're ghosts that never leave. There's no reason why we should have to be haunted too.

EvilHomer
Hey John, has Animalist commented on Cecil? Being that this is a dumb news story that exists primarily to give celebrities something to talk about, I can think of no better person to opine on it than Catie.

John Holmes Motherfucker
>>It's tough to have complicated moms (or dads) who we love dearly but also betray our trust in some essential way. I think about this a lot.

Is there any other kind? Who can live up to the awesome challenge, and not drop the ball once or twice? Or just plain fuck up? I was born just two weeks after my mother's 20th birthday. That's three years younger than Boxxy. But it's not so unusual, especially during the fifties. My daughter, who later became a son, was born when I was the same age, but I got away. She was adopted by her grandparents, who I used to think were stuffy old repressed bourgeois blah blah blah, but they're bona fide heroes to me now. They did a great job, so I lucked out, and so did Angie, who now is called Alister. Shit, I can't even spell my son's name. At least my mom showed up, and it wasn't all emotional distance and verbal. There were some times over the years when we enjoyed each other. The best time I remember was when I was about to drop out of college for ten years, and I'd stopped going to class. We'd sit around the kitchen table and drink coffee from an original edition Mr. Coffee machine, and smoke her cigarettes. I don't remember what we talked about, but I'll always remember the wry look on her face when she tossed me a Marlboro.

She used to tell me how I needed to face reality, and I was wasting my life, going to film school, trying to start a band. Was she right? I'll just say that I'm only 57, so it's too soon to tell.

Majoring in Cinema at SUNY Binghamton in the 70s was all about experimental cinema. My professors were Ken Jacobs and Larry Gottheim. I've been working on a video that's definitely influenced by Ken Jacobs. You don't know who these people are, do you? Well

Thanks for sharing guys. The other day my brother called to let me know he was scattering my mom's ashes in the atlantic, so I've been in a mood, and it's good to know that other people have had similar experiences. Anybody else whose Mom went to jail? I've always been secretly proud of that, but even that wasn't as badass as writing her own obituary on the cellphone from her hospital bed.

My dad's pretty amazing as well, though happily, not as complicated. He's a newspaper reporter. He became a local country singer who wrote his own songs and in his seventies became a first-time novelist. He was supposed to die in his 20s, he got experimental open heart surgery, and because he couldn't smoke or drink he's outlived everybody in his family, and now he's outlived my mother, who when they were together used to be obsessed with the idea that he would drop dead at any time. He'll be 80 in March. He's working on his second book.

I really need to do something with this epic DNA.

John Holmes Motherfucker
>>Hey John, has Animalist commented on Cecil?

I think Animalist News is no longer making videos. Discovery cut way back on their you-tube channels, and Catie's been laying low on the internet since New Year's. What I've heard is that Catie is in line for a job with D News, which is nice because I've always felt that DNews is one of the few YouTube News channels that has any integrity at all. Animalist wasn't really about getting the facts right. On the other hand, I think Catie is at her best when she's being entertaining. Her best stuff for discovery was Anyhoo, where all information was conveyed was usually just to set up the jokes. She's not that great at simply reading science news. She tends to go into something I call "Princess Leia Exposition Voice" She keeps getting better, so you never know. I think she actually got rid of her vocal fry, which is a good thing when you're doing voice over work.

That's more than you wanted to know, isn't, Homer? I've been hitting the Monster Energy drinks pretty hard today.

EvilHomer
No, it was perfect, thank you! Never apologize for who you are, John.

I never knew she was a vocal fryer, or that her channel has been discontinued. She's employed by the Discovery Channel, yes? Maybe they will put her on Mythbusters.

Tough American Bouncer
To be fair, if Cecil the lion could have lured the dentist out of his office and kill him, it would have probably done just that.
John Holmes Motherfucker
So the dentist was acting in self-defense?

betabox
Dentistry is all about preventing problems that you might encounter down the line.

Rodents of Unusual Size
So does anyone want to start a betting pool on what happens to this idiot?

I'm guessing either

a) suicide
b) He converts to Islam and moves to the U.A.E. where he can hang out with other guys that share his love of killing large endangered animals
c) PETA will track him down with Kill Bill style assassins


I am gonna go with b) because I like a surprise
Old_Zircon
As I mentioned above, given the suicide rate among dentists the odds on A wouldn't be TOO bad even if this never happened. I think around 11:1 at worst.

Old_Zircon
Actually, if Snopes is to be believed it's not actually THAT high, that's more in line with psychiatrists. Oh well.

infinite zest
Why's the suicide rate so high? I mean, I've never looked into someone's gross mouth or anything to extract a tooth, but it's not like I don't have to do my fair share of "gross" shit at my work, and by "gross shit" I mean I've literally gotten shit in my mouth while toileting. Difference is dentists probably make 200,000 a year whereas I make about 25,000, and they have their assistants do the majority of the work.

Dentists are pussies. Grow up dentists.

Rafiki
Well now we know why they kill themselves, damn.

infinite zest
I should clarify "while toileting a client", not myself but true story I once got some shit on my hand when I was taking a poop! It almost led me to suicide.

infinite zest
Actually OZ if you have a link to that article I'd like to read it. I can understand psychiatrists because it's illegal to tell anyone about what you were talking about so you're basically bottling up so many peoples' emotions and psyches. I mean, your local bartender gets a lot of the same kinds of stories, but he or she's doing it in a public venue and could tell his friends about it if something deeply disturbed him.

animegurl1000
On the topic of professions correlating to suicide rates, I always assumed it's got to be high among airline pilots since not only is the job stressful, but I imagine they are less likely to be open about their depression and therefore are less likely to seek help. Nobody's going to want to go on a plane that is flown by a guy with mental issues and regularly sees a shrink.

infinite zest
That's actually why I liked the movie Flight so much. I mean, you can be a good pilot even if you're drunk and on drugs these days, but they don't pisstest or breathalyze you like they do at McDonalds or grocery stores. So if you're depressed and you're drinking or doing drugs to alleviate the sorrows, you've maybe fucked up someone's order or charged them twice for the same item. But if there's something wrong with the plane, well, autopilot can't help you there.

It was before the movie came out but I was on a plane and the pilot got on the PA and said the wrong destination and was slurring his speech. I was like "oh fuck" but I was 3 bloody marys and a pot browny in myself so I guess I didn't really give a shit.

Old_Zircon
IZ, the Snopes article puts it way lower than conventional wisdom, only a bit above the general population.

Old_Zircon
Actually, it's The Straight Dope, not Snopes:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2301/do-dentists-have -the-highest-suicide-rate

Here's a Snopes thread that has a few actual studies cited near the beginning:

http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topi c;f=47;t=000001;p=0

fluffy
He was my product manager's childhood dentist.
infinite zest
Really? Any stories? From all the pictures he seems just like any other nice dentist. And everybody in every profession fucks up. Crooked cops, dentists who cheat on their spouses, doctors who perform surgery hung over, the list goes on. But this isn't a fuck up, like he didn't know he wasn't supposed to kill Cecil. This is calculated and sadistic.

Back when I was a kid there were a bunch of cat decapitations in my neighborhood. Like, just outdoor cats that were probably lured over and their heads sawed off. And it was neighborhood kids who were doing it, a lot of whom are sons and daughters of doctors and lawyers and will probably grow up to become them. Fucked up.

Old_Zircon
My childhood dentist got divorced and had some kind of breakdown and as a result most of my dental work, including extraction of my front two baby teeth and some "experimental" procedures he invented that were supposed to keep me from needing braces (mostly chunks of plastic glued on different parts of my teeth), were done without anesthetic. Fortunately we found a new dentist who was racist and gave me a bridge that fell out in a year, but at least he used Novocaine.

The weird thing is, I didn't grow up with any kind of fear of dentists.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Isn't killing housepets generally something serial killers do to avoid killing humans? That takes some major psycopathic tendencies.

fluffy
He said that he was a typical dentist. Anyway I told him that Betty White hates his dentist and his response was, "I just want to stress that he was my CHILDHOOD dentist."

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