grrrrr. fucking grrrrr. this really busts my balls. the pithy answers, the "future of mankind" that happens to cost you your whole estate, the internal justice system. GRRRRRRR!!!!!

also, if there was ever a video that deserved the "White People" tag

The tone gets a bit threatening near the end doesn't it?

_This_ is the tripe that brings in millions of people? I've read Dianetics and subsequently never had much respect for Scientologists, but just how fucking stupid do you have to be to watch this video and say "Yep this is the 'religion' for me!"

It's like they're talking about someone important. Amazing. Cause no one else has ever written a bunch of crap pulp fiction that no one with half a mind would ever reprint. You can practically hear the British guy sucking LRon's cock from beyond the grave. I wish these people would piss off some terrorists.

Also I love the glaring omissions about the IRS's opinion of their "professional organization" God I don't think I have this level of hatred for any other group of people. Also, cameos by Isaac and Kirstie at 28:00.

I believe the black preacher is Michael D. Roberts of "Ice Pirates" fame. He was also Rooster on Beretta.

That is intensely creepy. It's just one video, but I bet it's pretty hard to be exposed to that kind of material for a while without it getting to you.

SHIVERING AGONIZED DARKNESS

i think i'll choose to be stupid, jump off a bridge and blow my brains out at the same goddamn time. GRRR. i mean, acting quality alone is enough to hate this shit. i've seen better acting in billy grahm movies, and the xenuites got a bigger budget to blow. christ, you got travolta, people, at least make the bitch dance. GRRRRRR i can't control this rage!!! GRRRRR!!!! i've had christian, buddist, islamic, wiccian, and jewish exposure throughout my life, and while i figure no religion is for me, i feel that if it works for you, it's none of my business, but the veiled threats, the use of celebrities, the money sucking. GRRRRR!!! i haven't been this mad since i saw that ramtha garbage what the bleep do we know!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Would I be wrong in thinking this seems like the Scientology Triumph of the Will?

"We have done this film to help you understand what Scientology is, and to assist you to get around to avail yourself of it, and answer your questions."

AARGH, THE PROSE, IT HURTS

It's like they're trying to emulate L.Ro's own semi-literate ramblings. I'm only two minutes into this, and already I can predict there will be ridiculous neologisms by the bucketful.

Close your eyes and the host is Troy McClure! At least until the end, when he takes on that sinister tone.

Also, I love how their way of claiming religious credibility is by appealing to government sanction. Congratulations, Scientology: you're in the same tax bracket as Heaven's Gate and the snake handlers.

"You can also dive off a bridge or blow your brains out. That is your choice." Come visit the Office of Ron instead!

1. Abbot Trithemius
2. Cornelius Agrippa
3. Dr. John Dee
4. Elias Ashmole
5. Freemasonry
6. Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn
7. Aleister Crowley
8. Ordo Templi Orientis
9. Jack Parsons
10. L. Ron Hubbard
11. Scientology

"You can also dive off a bridge or shoot your brains out...or we can make it LOOK like you did it after you write nasty things about us somewhere."

Also: wow, the attacks on psychology and psychiatry are amazing.

Alsoalso: "Watercolorist?" Shut the fuck up, painter.

Creepy. Was Scientology threatening to blow up the world in the last 5 minutes?

Sure am glad the internet is here to tell me Scientology is bad for me, otherwise I might have made some kind of horrible mistake.

I know it's a minor criticism but at the top of the video they said that their were orgs on all the continents; so I ask rhetorically, why are the clams trying to shyster penguins?

Also, for a video they went rather quickly from love-bombing to telling you that you're worthless without the "church's" help (you miscreant).

The paranoiac anti-governmentalism is a bit troubling. Particularly when they trot out the government's ringing endorsements of them as a bona fide religion directly afterward.
Buy this book. Then you will have a friend.
If anything, it makes the Movementarian orientation film from the Simpsons ring particularly true.
Na-na-na-na-na-na L-Ron. L-Ron, L-Ron, Batman - er, L-Ron.

That black minister.....I swear he's a voice actor....doesn't he sound like the doctor on The Simpsons?

I tried to write a comment here about five times but erased it. I have nothing to say other than one million fists punching those folks in the face one million times would not be enough.

Courts have decided Scientology is a religion because we can afford lots of lawyers! This means it is true!

Bonus points for comparing L Ron to Buddha at the 6 minute mark. That's not offensive or presumptuous at all.

Did I hear that right? Did he just use a future pluperfect? I didn't even know that was possible.

Also... please give me like 3 or 4 testimonials, not 86. Cripes.

Kudos to the very brave soul who secretly taped this. Is he still alive?

I hope this film comes to my local theater soon. I will bring fried clams, as they are tasty.

Where are Loki and Bartleby when you really REALLY need them? That's right, they're at a bar. Which is what two minutes of watching this makes me wanna go to.

I saw this on the big screen at the Scientology center in Boston; it was the scariest fucking experience of my entire life. I was too scared to laugh because I thought they were secretly watching us or something.

H E L L O

It is such a relief to know that if I 'believe' I have a problem with the Org, they have their own court system. Cause, you know, I'm sure they are more impartial and transparent that those 'real' courts.

I also like how they continually talk about how "WE ARE A REAL RELIGION" but they still charge through the nose for 'religious' services and books. I mean, can you imagine catholics charging for communion/confession? Or the Gideons charging for bibles?

So many amazing moments. A million star thetans!

I like the apparantly Bob Liefield designed Hubbard Bust.

Rarrrr, Hubbard smash!

And the cult lawyers got it.