As you get older, death keeps coming closer, and not just in the obvious chronological way. First its your grandparents, then its your parents. First its Bing Crosby and Jack Benny. Then its David Bowie, and Lou Reed. First its your high school teachers, eventually its people you went to school with. Closer and Closer, faster and My Dad is in his 80s, and the people he knows just die die die all the time.

You need to make friends with death, somehow. In 2017, i learned that my ex girlfriend had died. That was hard because she was way too young. And later that year, my closest friend died suddenly, and that gets to you in ways that you anticipate, and also in ways that you don't. After disposing of her things, saving what little I could, I started to think of my own things, being disposed of one day in my absence.

My friend was cremated, and the first ASK A MORTICIAN video that I saw was about cremation, outlining the process in complete detail. I found it comforting somehow. Maybe knowing was easier than wondering.

Maybe other people don't think about death all the time, but everything that's ephemeral makes me think of death, and thats everything. Kittens make think of death. Hugs make me think of death. I watch an old movie and I think about which actors are dead. I can't stop it, but watching Caitlin Doughty's YouTube channel makes thinking about death seem more comfortable and natural.

She's good. She's informative and entertaining. Light and whimsical when she can be, serious and respectful when she needs to be. She's also, now that I think of it, extremely poeworthy. I don't think this is the first AAM video I've submitted, but I intend to be pretty regular about it in the future.

Jesus Christ, I cannot stand watching nerds act.