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Desc:A Texan calls to complain about the new smaller size
Category:Business
Tags:Texas, sausage, Jimmy Dean
Submitted:Anonymous
Date:11/27/07
Views:7687
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Comment count is 65
theFlu
US Only
Frank Rizzo
thats because we kick so much ass that we demand a correct measurement of sausagy goodness when we wake up at 11AM

Frank Rizzo
'...yor products is very delicious, love yor saw-sidge..."
the way he says "sausage" reminds me of that no kill cat shelter and they way the owner said "cats". Its very comedic

I think that texas family might want to rethink their caloric intake, if a couple dozen eggs, steak and 12oz of sweet sweet saw-sidge isnt enough.
Diogenes
To be fair, it is hard to serve five people with only six servings of sausage.
Syd Midnight
Hard to serve 6 Americans

cognitivedissonance
"I don't eat maple or sage! That's fer NORTHERNERS. Jimmy Dean sausage is for SOUTHERNERS to EAT BREAKFAST."

I wonder what he thinks Northerners DO eat.
Ursa_minor
alfalfa sprouts and organic horsetrash.

Ursa_minor
somebody needs their ass kicked over this sausage.

Aubrey McFate
Crepes flavored like gay dick.

Ursa_minor
all natural donkey dreams.

Doctor Arcane
Maple syrup is good.

Xenocide
Al-Quaida semen.

Syd Midnight
I'm a northerner and I like maple syrup on Jimmy Dean sausage. I also hate the Confederacy.

Caminante Nocturno
Is there anything a Southerner won't get indignant about? Sources say maybe.
crote
It is our greatest strength, and most debilitating weakness.

glasseye
Anything in print?

BHWW
If that guy sounded any more cartoonishly Southern he'd be carrying on about how much he hates that rabbit.
Spit Spingola
But Yosemite Sam is technically a Californian...

coprolalia
BEERS STEERS + QVEERS
coprolalia
btw, these are the kinds of problems in life you want to have.

theSnake
I hate the south and everyone in it.
cognitivedissonance
You and me and the rest of humanity, brother.

Hooper_X
The South fucking hates you too, cocksucker.

Xenocide
Well, maybe it should complain to a sasuage company about that.

Urburos
ZING!!

FatFatuousNation
This is a prank call. Liberal-minded Southerners get a kick out of acting as redneck as possible... it's a survival mechanism. See the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. If you can't laugh at it, you shrivel up and die.

There are plenty of smart, forward-looking people in the South. Unfortunately, there are far more evangelical, self-righteously ignorant people.

pastorofmuppets
http://www.bobanddavid.com/2007/10/an_open_letter_to_larry_the_ca. html

Randroid
"Yes, sir. The South will rise again, and when it does, I'll be right up front waving the Stars and Bars," said Dock Mullins of Decatur, GA. "But first, I gotta get my truck fixed and get that rusty old stove out of my yard."
Hooper_X
See, it's funny, because Decatur, Georgia is basically the most liberal place in the entire southeastern U.S. - mandatory recycling, public smoking ban, interracial lesbian couples with adopted chinese babies, that kind of thing.

(also, this clip is good.)


uekibachi
"600 lbs of men."
Chet
So much so good...

"Pussy roll of sausage"

They can't feed a family of five with a 12oz roll of sausage, a dozen eggs and freaking t-bone steaks? FREAKING T-BONE STEAKS!?!?

Do you serve the sausage along side the T-bone or on top? Because my southern dining at the waffle house had a t-bone steak or sausage, not both...

Chet
Lindner
Boy, that's your problem right thar. Ain't no self respecting southerner man eats there. That's for them thar darkies with thar chickin and waffles, knowuttImean?

Pussy fucking Waffle House... shit.

theFlu
Jesus Chet, you must be from some northern blue pussy state...

The 16oz sausage is the PLATE - not an "option;" how the fuck are you gonna pile all that breakfast on a pussy 12oz slice, no bigger than the got-dang Qur'an?
Then you break some pussy shells: take the yolks, throw away the rest, and you scramble some eggs.
Mount that Texas T-Bone steak up on the sausage plate, let the blood run over the yolk, and give thanks to Super Jesus in our turbulent times, pussy.


Dinky Patterson
Simma down.

Hugo Gorilla
A proper Southern breakfast must include grits with, at minimum, pepper and butter. Sausage and fried(?) eggs AND steak? His breakfast sounds like his plate is little more than an arena for a cartoony gladiatoral free-for-fall of cholesterol.


Pandatronic
I kind of hope this is viral advertising, because I want to see more.
Roachbud
Proof that we should cut our losses and neutron bomb Texas, then give it back to Mexico.
zatojones
Why waste the bomb? From the sound of this heart disease will do the job all by itself.

Roachbud
It's quicker, plus there are some healthy Texans, 17-18 million people can't be 200 lbs plus, Jimmy Dean-eaters

Menudo con queso
Everyone in Houston is, 'ceptin' of course the qwair neighborhood.

Enjoy
I've listened to this so many times it's burned into my brain. I like to quote it when I eat breakfast.
Goofy Gorilla
I'm pretty sure Jimmy Dean still makes the 16 Oz roll of their regular sausage.
Ahriman the Creepy Lurker
It's that extra four ounces that makes the difference, you see. Twelve doesn't cut it, but when you up it to sixteen, suddenly you can satisfy six hundred pounds of MAN.

It's sort of like that hundredth monkey thing, but with sausage.

YakooMarkTwo
QUICK, someone make a dance song full of samples form this guy. The chorus should go "I love your sausage for 30-something years." And then it's like boom boom boom and then it's all like boom tss boom tss and then the siren comes in WHEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO then boom boom "some needs their ass kicked" boom boom
Dinky Patterson
I have no doubt that this message was treated with the utmost seriousness at Jimmy Dean headquarters.
cognitivedissonance
I am really enjoying the mental images that "Jimmy Dean Headquarters" summons.

M-DEEM
What does it for me is that he concedes the deliciousness. The man is passionate about sausage. And "a woman, that's a little plump". God bless you Randy Taylor
M-DEEM
Some geekazoid thoght this up. I am happy for days

baleen

FUCK I WANNA EAT GODDAMN IT. I really want to hear this guy's endorsement of the Iraq war and why we ain't usin the real bombs.
crote
Get this man some quiche.
boner
This sounds more like a Scottish breakfast than a southern one.
Hailey2006
Where's the haggis!

themilkshark
His anger is the spirit of America personified.
Aubrey McFate
Randy Taylor. Add a Lee in there somewhere and you've got the perfect deep south name.
Syd Midnight
Having a "Lee" or "Wayne" in their name increases the chance of a redneck being a serial killer by over 6000%. It's like the Rage virus to them.

pastorofmuppets
No that's just because serial killers always have three names. Or is that assassins?

Squeamish
I swear, every time I start to think positively about my state, something like this comes along to rip my new-found confidence apart.
Xiphias
someone needs their ass kicked
magical man
Yeah us northerners sure do like our 16 ounces of maple flavored sausage.

Fat fuck.
bopeton
Buy two rolls?
fluffy
They don't teach math in Texas

FABIO2
me34250 (1 week ago):

ever hear of bob evans, douche?



savesprinkles5678 (1 week ago):

I've heard of the Bob Evan's Douche. The only problem is my downstairs parts reek like sausage for days.
dementomstie
Why do I find this so hilarious? Do people actually take breakfast meats this seriously? Wow. I never realised it was so important.
thebaronsdoctor
600lbs of man sounds like an advertising slogan for a chubby-themed gay bathhouse.
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