What can be said about Maru that hasn't been said already?
I think Japan really needs to get him into a breeding/cloning program.
Wait a minute, I know what this is. I saw Ocean's Eleven.
He's training for a heist.
Cat does nothing
oh wah the cat entering the waste basket is not actionable enough for me waaaah i want my kitties to have Microsoft Word compatibility and to make me a nice espresso waaaaaah
ARE YOU NOT HAPPY WITH THE CAT ENTERING THE WASTEBASKET ALL BY ITSELF
DO YOU WANT SEVERAL FOLD OUT TOOLS TO COME STRAIGHT OUT OF THE CAT'S ASS
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT
A SWISS ARMY CAT YOU INHUMANE FUCK
Sorry, this isn't guy who hates cats vs. people who like cats, this is guy who enjoys cats that are actually doing something interesting vs. infantile furries who are using POE-TV to catalog their JO material.
NEWS FLASH FOR FUTUREBOT
THE ONLY PERSON WHO SEES SEXUAL CONNOTATIONS IN SUBMITTING CAT VIDEOS APPEARS TO BE YOU
WHY DO YOU LIKE TO FUCK THE CATS FUTUREBOT
Of course you haven't noticed the weirdly sexual undertones of this cat fetish, that's why I called you "infantile"
FUTUREBOT ARE YOU OK
ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCK THE CATS
I should add that while it's fair to argue that homophobes "protest too much" and that they are really closeted homosexuals, I take offense at you deploying this rhetorical strategy in defense of zoophilia. You're implying a horrible false equivalence, and should be ashamed.
YOU'RE NOT TELLING US WHY YOU LIKE TO FUCK THE CATS FUTUREBOT
YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER
I CAN SEE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH NO UNDERWEAR AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A CAT'S ASS AROUND YOUR DICK
HAVE YOU BEEN BLACKLISTED FROM YOUR LOCAL ANIMAL SHELTER?
Actually, futurebot, while I resent being the target of your projection of subconscious desires, seeing as I was the one who submitted this video, I can understand the rage I must have incurred in you, by presenting you with this elegant and graceful feline specimen, of whom you can only watch, impotently and flaccid, never able to touch, never able to whisper in it's ear, never able to smear tuna on your genitals and sit spread legged and video taping the only thing that makes you forget that thing that happened in elementary school when you volunteered to clean the class's hamster cage after school and thought you were safe and alone, only to have several class members enter the room to find you hunched over, your pants dropped and shivering around your ankles.
Or, you know, I could just be trying to set a standard where people think about the lolcats-speak-devoid, high-quality-film, interesting-without-annoying cat videos that Maru consists of, and refrain from submitting lesser videos when they don't match up... you know, the ones that so easily manipualte the small minded into jumping on the 'I'm so tired of it as soon as other people like it' meme that I thought we got over when we left elementary school. If people used Maru as a benchmark then you might actually bitch less.
Or have less secret kitty porn on your harddrive.
way to spell your. Idiot.
Someone called me "Futurebot Plus". I resent that.
I think one of the gold aspects of Maru is the absolute void of lolcat speak and stupid captions that other cat owners put on their images and videos. 90% of the Maru captions are two words, and spelled more accurately than most north americans would spell them.
|Wonko the Sane |
|Big Beef Burritos Supreme |
Just tape the lid down and affix postage.
When a cat throws himself out, he's trying to tell you something.
This is the best cat ever.
Maru is either the cat version of Indiana Jones, exploring new and mysterious places for cat-kind, or he's the feline world's greatest performance artist. Either way, I say there needs to be a cable channel starring Maru, a bunch of boxes, and half the inventory from a home store for him to interact with.
if we exploit him, it won't be genuine
...and he'll get all needy like most celebrities are.
i would agree with performance artist.
especially with his performance of "paper bag cat"
|Papa November |
This makes me wonder about Eddie Izzard's theory that since seals are good with balls, perhaps other animals have a natural affinity for other objects that they've just never been introduced to.
"Other animals could have secret talents, like tigers might be good with banjos."
|Frank Rizzo |
Im putting up a $1000 bounty for this cat, alive and well.
I must have maru
|Sean Robinson |
I heard you calling from back of the room your horrible smell pervades and your voice reminds me of the imposition and I can't do anything but scream and scream at you spiders wearing booties your face provides a perfect breeding ground a million spider eggs laid upon your eyes the baby spiders half a million the rest failing that first test they eat through the eggs your eyes have the same consistency so they don't stop eating a half a million tiny mandibles scratching and biting through the lens of your eye punching through to the jelly a humour some drown and we are left with a quarter of a million tiny spiders the cleverest or luckiest quartile pulling air down into the jelly or tiny pockets of air clinging to broken blood vessels that project on your rods and cones at the back of your eye where the spiders will someday find themselves and will cast their tiny webs across the broken blood vessels are expanded and projected over top your vision and leave what look like still worms that fall down and then are cast up when you move your eyes only to fall down again until they are absorbed into the bottom but now you can just make out the tiny crawling spider colonising inside your eye against the branch of a broken blood vessel since you've been born you have disintegrated but hoping that you'll build quick enough to contain the flood of disintegration but it is a race we'll all lose all things eventually fall apart too quick to build back and so we seep and sag and fall and stoop but perhaps your new passengers will prevent this collapse that seems inevitable because they are pretty industrious these minor mini pirates they build webs through every crevice gummy little webs to catch tiny flies that strangely cannot help entering you through every hole maggots in your skin pores even while you sleep they can't help being attracted to feed their predators they are the most charitable of creatures your invading flies the supply lines feeding the invading army of naturesas it colonises you and so between every cell are spiders and webs and their flies and soon there is less and less of you and more and more of the spiders you become yellow and tallow and waxy and insubstantial just an automaton for the spiders a vessel and a vassal and the only post-colonial statement is your epitaph because the struggle has become them or death and you have little choice either way
You are unexceptional and in a world of infinite possibility you choose the blandest endlessly.
|j lzrd / swift idiot |
Look at all the faggots who hate cat videos.
I have cock in my mouth omnomonom
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