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Desc:With a daughter so pretty, one can't help but assume she's being raped.
Category:Humor, News & Politics
Tags:rape, semen, The Onion, ONN, abduction
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Comment count is 35
This is fucking awful. 5 stars.

infinite zest
In other news, Queen Elizabeth II has topped Maxim's annual Q.I.L.F. list
More than Latifa?

Or even the Queen of Jordan?

Caminante Nocturno
You submitted a clip from the Nancy Grace show and mislabeled it as an Onion clip. Please correct the title and description for this video.
I'm not sure whether I enjoy this more because its horrifically dark, or because its true to life. I have seen Nancy Grace be even more crass than this.

Remember when a year ago Onion videos were regularly mocked? Now they're the best satire I can think of outside the Daily Show.

No, you can tell by the way this wasn't nearly as over-the-top hysterical and crazy as Nancy Grace.

This is not funny. Rape is very serious, I should know as my friend ws nearly raped once.
you have a friend now? thats nice

I'm kidding.

it wasn't back in 1990, was it?

Sick Man
this isn't about rape

Frank Rizzo
She must have an unfortunate face if the dude changed his mind halfway into it.

My stars are for Frank, for keeping the "evil" in Portal of Evil.

Caminante Nocturno
You don't know what you're talking about. If the title of this clip was "Missing Girl Probably Almost Raped" then you could have spoken some knowledge. Even then it would be limited to second-hand knowledge.

You guys shouldn't make fun of this. "Almost raped" is far, far worse than being actually raped. Seriously. Ask Tori Amos.

oddeye is a women's studies major

punch drunk babies
"muahaha not thiis time, giiirlyy" -exit almost rapist

None of you know the pain someone who was nearly raped has to endure.

We read your posts, don't we?

This video is about a girl who was actually raped, one of the worst crimes possible and against the law in almost every country. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Every year many people (men and women) are raped and millions more almost raped yet you sick people think it's ok to make a joke about it??

I would love for everyone who laughs at this video to be raped or almost raped. Let's see how funny you think it is after that!

Well now you're just trolling.

Time Travel Mishap
Oddeye is still just a door.

Fuck you door.

HP Lovesauce
Oh yeah? Well I had a friend that was nearly raped TWICE.

So there.

This is satire. the point is actual media does basically the same terrible thing, just not as blatantly. If this were a clip of a standup comic telling a joke about how his best friend was viciously raped, using that alone as the punchline, then yeah that would be disgusting.

But I would still 5-star it, and you should know why.

Good thing your friend wasn't pretty enough.
Whoah, Onion! Careful there! Don't, like, start being insightful on us or nothin'.

that ouch was for cable news because this is almost indistinguishable from the real thing
God fuck these kinds of shows they're like a tooth cavity on culture.
Anyone else lose it at 1:26?

The zoom in just kills me.
I wish I could take a star back for semen being a linkable tag.


0:53 is lock on to the types of heartless comments feigning concern that cable news throws at these types of stories. Kudos Onion for showing what that stuff looks like. But -1 for making fun of abducted children cases.
That might be the first ONN that I liked.
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