That's because the reading of the will keeps getting pushed back.

I had no idea he had a black wife, either.

I knew both of these things. I win the regional title of Roger EberTrivia Master!

But seriously, read this recent article in Esquire: http://www.esquire.com/features/roger-ebert-0310

If anything, it completely replaces pity with admiration regarding Ebert's condition.

apparently Ebert had no idea he had a black wife either

Was he color blind or how did he not know?

I thought that was Oprah at first.

Yeah, that Macbook must be burning the shit out of his balls there.

He eats through Quato now.

Cobra Commander had that problem too. He once made Destro retch when he barged in on him eating spaghetti. True story..

That's what he gets for giving Pootie Tang two thumbs down, ok.

Thanks for explaining the moral, you Lifetime Original faggot

He should license it for just that purpose.

i'm really liking your new direction, Camonk

Just trying to feel good about having a jaw here...

I thought vajazzling was replacing a body party with something new and sparkly but I may have the definition wrong.

Enjoy is correct

I prefer the term 'vocal bling'

Fair enough, you sold me.

I think he looks like a ventriloquists dummy.

That is pretty appropriate and awesome.

I'd like to point out that Roger Ebert's power comes from being the most obsessive movie nerd ever, and caring very deeply about what other people say about movies. He is a 21st century hero.

or some kind of prosthesis, or some steel bones, or, jesus, anything but that

He doesn't want to go through surgery again. (!) Fuck that, give me the goddamned prosthesis.

Building yourself hydraulic claws etc would require lots of spare time, and Roger Ebert has movies to watch. He might need a bionic ass if he lives much longer though.

ps. IMHO the best method of facial hideosity obfuscation is a cheap plastic halloween mask, except for all the times the police will be taking it off then putting it back on you.

Trivia: At first Stephen Hawking hated his voice's American accent, but now he refuses to upgrade it to a more modern synth voice because he's had it for so long, that's just how the Hawk rolls.

Look Cammy, if you want a review in English, you gotta go with Ruka. I know, it sucks but Miku's voice just can't handle the complexity of Roger Ebert.