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Desc:One of the most inspiring, touching speeches in recent memory.
Category:Humor, Business
Tags:porn, inspirational, blowjobs, jenna haze
Submitted:baleen
Date:10/04/10
Views:5418
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Comment count is 42
baleen

Poll: Is this actually judged? Do people sit around voting on porn? Is the reward simply purchased? I need to know this.
pineapplejuicer
i would guess there's voting conducted by the most unimaginably grimy cadre of hairy, gold-chain rocking, sweat stained wifebeater and fadeout shades wearing san fernando valley porn kingpins.

after she sucks their cocks, of course.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I'll bet you can find out on wikipedia.

RocketBlender
Jesus. Can you imagine what the room they do all the heavy decision making must smell like?

Old_Zircon
Our entire civilization is built on blowjobs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYJCHoEDNgs

FeeFiFoFoTheFifeFifeBrown
It should be mandated that every award show speech be this one, recited verbatim. Go off-script, no award.
Rodents of Unusual Size
Hey Sandra Bullock, TAKE NOTES FROM THIS.
Smellvin
I remember reading a story of someone who went to one of these things and he said that both saddest and most hilarious moments in his life were experienced at this event. They were when he saw a porn starlet outside crying because she didn't win the best anal scene award.
sparklefatty
You wouldn't feel the same way?

Killer Joe
Everyone wants to be the best at something.

Screwtape

The runner-ups receive a "I ruined my sphincter and all I got was this lousy tshirt" tshirt.

pineapplejuicer
my friend was watching this over my shoulder and said "she's doing god's work. how do you think her parents feel?"
pineapplejuicer
also i'm retroactively reassigning my five to the house guitarist who is on point enough to rip a little whistle riff after she says "i love sucking cock" at :35

such grace, such depth of character, she.

Frank Rizzo
another one posted here had a chick crying with joy in here speech.
millerman13
David Foster Wallace's essay "Big Red Son" is all that comes to mind.
B. Weed
Yep.

Cyberblah
She even tried to walk off the stage in the wrong direction.

CornOnTheCabre
pop quiz: of DFW and Jenna Haze, which is currently happily retired, and which is currently a self-asphyxiated husk buried six feet under a pile of smug, self-congratulatory references from the most boring subset of millennial?

RocketBlender
Most honest thing I've heard in ages.
The Townleybomb
I love sucking cock, too, porn lady.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I love sucking cock. Not really into men, though.

Billy the Poet
Ya gotta do whatcha love, kid.
Billy the Poet
-1 Gene Simmons is the worst person who's ever lived.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Gene Simmons is Hitler!

citrusmirakel
Gene Simmons is without a doubt the nastiest person in that auditorium.

Oktay
I'm told his reaction to 2G1C was a blank face and a "we've seen worse on tour" type of remark.

Riskbreaker
Happy times.
RomancingTrain
Oh that kind of oral! I thought this was going to be for a debate award or something.
Harold Manchester
I think I could really take home the trophy if there was a category for receiving oral sex. I'm so good at accepting blowjobs.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Did anyone else notice that one of her co-stars was named "Arnold Shwarzzenpecker"?
Old_Zircon
Half of my stars are for him.

Shanghai Tippytap
FROMMMM SEAAAA TOOO SHIII-NIIIING SEAAAA
Zanac
The DFW essay that several people have mentioned:
http://www.hachettebookgroup.com/books_9780316156110_ChapterEx cerpt(1).htm
Old_Zircon
I read that whole thing and was shocked and dismayed to find that the author had never heard of Dr. Dirty.

Quad9Damage
Well miss, I'll be the 'judge' of that. *Finds torrent of movie*
Syd Midnight
The acceptance speech no politician has the guts to give
Xenocide
Untrue. Most give it every time they meet with a lobbyist.

memedumpster
James Cameron ripped this speech off.
oddeye
Blazing?? Hazing!
Squeamish
Well, then.
Tasso
I'm pleased that a room full of producers and stars of porn isn't particularly impressed by a lady thanking them for letting her suck their cocks.

It's the same kind of polite applause you hear at a regular job when one of the employees of the month is voted employee of the year and gets a set of crystal shot glasses or something.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Well, they're probably there with their wives.

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