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Desc:Yahtzee reviews one of the often lauded greatest games of all time.
Category:Video Games, Humor
Tags:castlevania, zero punctuation, Yahtzee
Submitted:Caminante Nocturno
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Comment count is 23
Videogames are for kids.
Says real adult on poetv.com, the website for real adults.

I can only guess you made this comment whilst taking a break from memorizing your favorite Pynchon passage or doing some other fancy-pantsy shit, probably dressed in Equestrian clothing, inexplicably.
Learning the Charleston while discussing the most notable Delft dinnerware in your Fathers collection. I dunno.

Being an ironic jerk is all I mean.


Video games are for everyone bro.


Grow up.

Says the man trolling the internets.

Look at his submitted videos. Every second one is some boring clip from a videogame. He must be just bored or something.

Grow up, guys.

I think NAVGTR's review had more intriguing points than this.

Still, it's hard to blame the dude, considering he could just recite an IGN review at this point and still get the praise and ad revenue of one hundred thousand adolescent fuckheads.
SOTN's enduring goodness is pretty much a textbook example of why sometimes less is more. The 3D CV games have been pretty much terrible, sometimes tolerable, and the technology nowadays could do amazing things with a solid, 2-D Castlevania done in the old style. The XBLA one doesn't count, in my opinion, because it's really not very good, way too grindy, and mainly focused on multiplayer which is retarded for a CV game.
Except there are a ton of "modern" 2D Castlevania games on the portables...which cling to and beat to a pulp the once "forward thinking for the nineties" Metroidvania dead horse. This is a series where everyone's opinion of it is "it better bring something new, but it better not change whatever vague something or other I think makes it a Castlevania game". Usually that something is tied to some non-existing notion of what "Castlevania" gameplay is, which is not nearly as complicated, special or enduring as people want to make it seem. It's a platformer with a guy running around whipping bats/skeletons/Dracula in the face.

Three of those games are better than SotN by a long shot (including the most recent one) - if any game needed some rehashing to iron the innumerable and serious kinks out of it, that game is SotN.

I once played a Castlevania where the opening level was set outdoors, but they couldn't bring themselves to part with the very important game mechanic of whipping wall-mounted candelabras to make red health hearts fall out of them, so they just had the candelabras hanging in mid-air.

So it's pretty, has RPG elements and lots of enemies, and is too easy.

Well, yeah. Sure.

Too bad the more effective these are as actual reviews, the less funny they tend to be.

Well ANYWAY 5 for Castlevania, 5 for Yahtzee.
Why didn't anyone submit the Portal 2 review?
He's still doing this?

That's kinda sad for him, considering his talents.
I'm pretty sure his talents are doing this.

Don't forget "MOGWORLD"

I kind of like the review and all but I kind of feel like "what's the point?" Everyone who is going to play SOTN by HAS played it by now, so they don't really need a review. Christ. I found it in the bargain bin at a Software Etc. in 1998.

Fun fact: I hooked up with a girl off of OKCupid who was obsessed with Yahtzee to a stalkerish degree. She was aware of his celibacy but convinced she could be the girl to change him.

Possibly related: it was the most sordid and shame-ridden sexual experience I've ever had
Did she make you wear the hat in bed?

What an odd individual to be obsessed with.

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