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Comment count is 34
Maru - 2013-02-12

fuck me

Spaceman Africa - 2013-02-12


Kabbage - 2013-02-12

So he indirectly holds the people who make his reality in contempt

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2013-02-12

I couldn't get through the whole thing. Did he come up with a faux-minority word for when people insult his "race," like "pixelcution" or "prerenderjudice?"

StanleyPain - 2013-02-13


John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-13

This is how far I've gotten:

"I can honestly say that I've been asked 1,000,000 times why I play games.

And I just shrug and say..."

I'm outa here.

themilkshark - 2013-02-13

the next line is "But when I'm in game..."


John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-13

I do not believe that he can honestly say he's been asked 1,000,000 times why he plays games. That did not happen. It could not have happened. He could have the words 'fresh blueberries" tattooed on his forehead, and he would not be able to say that he'd been asked a 1,000,000 times about the tattoo.

What I'm trying to say is this: It's a large number.

Kieran27 - 2013-02-13

"My entire life, people preached I could be *anything* I wanted to be... but when I told them I wanted to be the captain of a ship, they said 'well, you need to be in good physical shape and mentally stable, join the navy, go through basic training, spend years learning a skilled trade then officers school and after that waiting for a position to open and beat all other equally qualified applicants' I realized that's no fun and I went back to play Mass Effect cause... alien chicks naked!"

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-02-13

I can push some buttons at appropriate times, therefore I am a hero. Such self-inflated bullshit.

The second the game goes off, you have nothing of your EPIC adventure. Whereas, you could've spent that time learning the piano, learning advanced math, working out, meditating, doing pretty much ANYTHING else and have it last long after.
It isn't that I don't enjoy games, but I hate it when people act like they are anything more than farting around and wasting time. That in itself is a good purpose at times, but just like every good vacation, you need to have a happy home to come back to afterwards. You're robbing yourself of your own story by living in those manufactured for you.

Xenocide - 2013-02-13

And then Bowser kidnapped her AGAIN! It was all for nothing!

themilkshark - 2013-02-13

Yeah, he equates saving Zelda to love. Mind you, you spend almost 100 hours playing ALONE before you ever even get a glimpse of Zelda, and she never even kisses Link.

Caminante Nocturno - 2013-02-13

When people asked me what I wanted to be, I told them I wanted to be the Rocketeer, and everyone was so certain rocket packs would exist, that they encouraged me wholeheartedly.

Now I work at an aquarium!

MurgatroidMendelbaum - 2013-02-13

Get some business cards written up that say "Shark Tamer."

Caminante Nocturno - 2013-02-13


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2013-02-13

You can be their chum!

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-02-13

Wicked! Unless of course you mean that you clean scum off of glass for eight hours a day.

Xenocide - 2013-02-13

When I told people I wanted to be the generically-written captain of a spaceship whose story comes to an incredibly unsatisfying conclusion after half a decade of buildup, they handed me a copy of Mass Effect.

Thanks for believing in me, everyone! Also, fuck you.

memedumpster - 2013-02-13

I used to want to be Scotty from Star Trek, now several thousand bottles of whiskey later I make video games.

I need to make a liquor run.

Hugo Gorilla - 2013-02-13

I'm not sure when video games became so counter-culture, but I imagine there's a Mountain Dew bottle cap with the correct code to unlock the same sanctimonious badge of honor this guy is wearing.

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-02-13

holy shit, I wish I had stars left for that.

deadpan - 2013-02-13

Giving Up: a manifesto

Old_Zircon - 2013-02-13

I made it to about 2:00 before I decided it has to be a troll. It just has to be.

themilkshark - 2013-02-13

Nah, listen to that music,. This means a LOT to this kid.

Rudy - 2013-02-13

I know how this guy feels. I always wanted to own my own fence but never wanted to pawn my limbs for the 18 hour car ride to get them.

Or something.

Mr. Purple Cat Esq. - 2013-02-13

That's a perfectly defensible stance imo. By not having a job or family he has a very small carbon footprint.
Also I know what he means, playing some games (myst, deus-ex) are some of my fondest memories.
An experience in a game you are immersed in is still an experience, like talking hallucinogens or paying some people to take you sky-diving or bungee jumping.
(I need a job to pay for my gaming PC tho!)

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-02-13

But, he's probably ingesting only fast food and other processed and heavily packaged foods. He's probably using a lot of energy being inside the house rather than outside. I doubt his carbon footprint is that small, regardless of how much he gets out and drives.

Riskbreaker - 2013-02-13

They told me i could be anything i wanted to be. So i became a lonely crazy guy.

deadpan - 2013-02-13

So you're working out and getting buff so you are strong to do what?

"Getting women" as if they are objects to do what? Fuck them and forget about it? Some life. "Getting women" improves your social status amongst those who hi-five people for being "playa"s. Who gives a damn about being more social amongst those vapid wastes of food and employment?

Video games are a great way to have fun, and enjoy things that are availible to you in life. Not only this, but the making of a game is an art form - by playing through, say, an RPG, you are treated to a grand story that is just overwhelmingly more fufilling than going out, fucking some chick, hi-fiving yourself and calling it a night.

Adham Nu'man - 2013-02-13


themilkshark - 2013-02-13

Playing video games on someone else's dime is just as rewarding and personally fulfilling as living a self-sufficient life.

Why the fuck is Chris Chan so miserable then???

Sexy Duck Cop - 2013-02-14

Philosophical question: If one day video games become so advanced they live up to all the pathetic fanboy mewling and offer wholly immersive, lifelike alternate realities full of infinite choice and flawless suspension of disbelief, will this video become prescient or stay retarded?

Sexy Duck Cop - 2013-02-14

retarded. the answer is retarded forever.

Pope Caius - 2013-03-24

That voice is unsettlingly familiar.

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