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Desc:The worst porn I've ever seen. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! sfw / nsfl
Tags:porn, tampa, gloryhole, oooooh no!, faces of meth
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
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Comment count is 43
John Holmes Motherfucker
The hardest part of this was not accidentally leaving a thrusting penis on that video screen. Had to cut out the part where DD asks the drunken librarian to "show us your tit-tays!", and she corrects him: "The librarian will have to show you her breast" That was very nearly uploaded, along with the plunging pecker just behind her. I was broken-hearted over losing that, but the fact that nine-month pregnant Sue made the thumbnail more than made up for it.

I wish he'd included the part where he gets them to sign the waiver.
Well okay.

Blur it next time. Teenagers can figure it out.

i think the librarian is a retard

This guy sounds very suspiciously like Steve, the conservatard sidekick to the Grand Dragon Kipp Greggory, host of our local conservative libertarian morning radio hate show.

VERY suspiciously.

These also look like the kind of chicks you find prowling outside the gates of our local air force base.

Adham Nu'man
Godspeed, JHM, You crazy crazy fucker. May the Lord have mercy on your soul.
If you're single on Valentine's Day shouldn't you be retaining as much porn as possible?

I approve of the porn purge. I usually zip 'em and date the file.

I approve of the porn purge. I usually unzip 'em and date my hand.

5 for Old Zircon

The Mothership
The librarian reminds me of a SNL or a MADTV character whose name I can't remember. Some character that Amy Poehler played or something. This is hideous. Porn doesn't have to be this way.
John Holmes Motherfucker
It was Tina Faye, and the character was Sarah Palin.

As someone who is also trying to get that smutty beast off my back , I wish you luck, JHM. I wish I could say that was the worst porn I have ever seen, but...
John Holmes Motherfucker
I don't really feel like I'm "taking the pledge". Deleting all my porn just seemed like a nice thing to do for Valentine's day. Maybe I'll do it next year.

It changed the context of uploading this video, which is meant as a sort of a documentary.

I've been working on a reedited version of Ed Wood's porn movie. "Necromania", that's staying on my hard drive.

Mothership is correct, porn doesn't have to be like this, and sometimes it isn't. Statements about what porn is, it's morality and impact, are inevitably reductive and therefore wrong.

Even if i never jerk off again, I'm not morally superior to those of you who are still downloading smut. In most cases, I'm just older. I'm a fifty-five year old man who is being treated for BPH. You get older, this stuff gradually just falls away, unless you hold onto it because you're afraid of getting older.

What am I saying about porn with this? Mostly, I'm saying that I'm tired of it.

Hay Belly
Pretty sexist to think that women don't like making or watching porn.

I read somewhere recently that there are now more female producers than male producers in the porn industry.

The person I know (in real life, not on the Internet) who's the most open and vocal about loving porn (to the point of having been involved in some behind the scenes tech work in the business) is a woman. She's also a hardcore WOW player who is really into black metal and yet is good looking enough to be a model, has enough money to have been invited to Prince Charles' home just to hang out, and is reasonably sane. Let me just reiterate that this is someone I've known in real life for years, otherwise I would never believe a bit of it.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Is that in response to something? I once read a great article in New York magazine by a woman who liked porn. And i really enjoyed Candida Royalle's
eighties stuff.

What i said was that to be without porn is a gesture toward living more respectfully toward "women, everybody else".

The operative word here is "gesture" It may not change anything.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious
OZ, surely your friend has a blog or some sort of Internet presence. I need to see her.

"Pretty sexist to think that women don't like making or watching porn."

Who the fuck are you talking to?

I've had to quit porn twice. The first time was when I got in trouble and I had 6 months of restrictions on my sexual activity including two months where I wasn't allowed to masturbate at all.

This time I'm quitting because I'm transitioning to being sexually active and I'm trying to retrain my body to respond to a wider variety of stimulation. I highly recommend varying your routine and making sure you don't watch porn every time because this sucks. This is a lot more frustrating because I don't have an end date to look forward to. I have a very clear set of rules and goals and the only way to tell if those goals are even attainable is to start but not finish every night for months.

Porn is awesome, but plan ahead kids.

it's official, the most evil submission of all is poetv

Void 71
This is what happens when cash-strapped butterfaces and round-shouldered IT professionals collide.
No kidding, these women not only look hideous, you can see the desperation in their faces.

One of them was kind of cute. The 19 year-old, maybe? Also, I'd like to hang out with the dick sucking champion.

Most of these women are attractive. Either you're having sex with models and not staying for breakfast or you're basing your ideas about attractiveness from porn and not dating.

Attractiveness is important, but if you're going to actively hate on people that aren't in the top 1%, you're going to date shitty, shitty people.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Most of these women ARE attractive. There's a whole bunch of women whose videos I didn't download because the thumbnails looked downright scary.

You know, my membership is still in effect. It might be able to make another video, of the scary ones, but I wouldn't want it to be simply cruel.

It took me less than a minute to ascertain the need for a "meth" tag.
Don Taye
Lola was my favorite because she's a Las Vegas showgirl who's used to entertaining.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Well, having seen the unedited videos, my favorite is Sandy, who really does love DIck. She plays the flute like she's Jean-Pierre Rampal.

You must be this ---- wasted to enter this room.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
I can't fap to this.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Someday, somebody's husband is going to give this guy a GOREY hole!
Sir Egbert offered to show them his famous sofa. Alice felt a shudder of nameless apprehension.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I get the reference, nicely done. But I meant something right between the eyes.

Incidentally, I'm pretty sure that when i was a child, an unsuspecting adult bought me a copy of "The Wuggly Ump"! Awesome, no?

Any time I see the "Tampa" tag, I know I'm in for a sad time. Oh God, that pregnant girl was fighting to keep it together.
Miss Henson's 6th grade class
I've seen a lot of porn in my day. Too much, really. I've seen few things as instantly repulsive as this "Dirty D" character. Everything from his coarse facial features to his potbelly to his utterly run-down appearance suggests that he is one broken, fucked up individual.

I don't think porn has to be terrible, but, by the looks of it, he is a walking piece of human refuse. Also, he doesn't look as if he smells too good.
Velour shirt.

John Holmes Motherfucker
I'm wondering if he's really finding drunk librarains and getting them to do porn before sobering up. I don't think that should be legal.

Jet Bin Fever
I've seen very little porn in my life (believe it or not), but I guess I've always been curious about the weirder stuff. Thanks for saving me the trouble of searching and keeping it penis/vag free.
Jet Bin Fever
by curious, I mean intellectually so, not otherwise. Just want to clarify that.

I, too, would like to thank JHM for satisfying my purely anthropological interest.

John Holmes Motherfucker
If it were anything else, you wouldn't be thanking me for taking out the dicks and vaginas.

But this, while unusually awful, is not really considered "the weirder stuff".

Yeah, if it were the weirder stuff he wouldn't have to remove the penises and vaginas.

The other day I was watching the the pornography that I actually feel embarrassed about enough to hide and I was fucking shocked to see her expose her breasts and her vagina. I'm pretty sure it's the only time I've seen nudity or even toplessness on the site in it's entire run.

This is actually a pretty good example of the shitty side of mainstream porn. Most porn is more subtle, but it's got the same creepy attitude that this guy has.

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