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Desc:embarrassing fan-made trailer for an Alpha Flight movie or something
Category:Arts, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:bad, oh canada, Alpha Flight, puck week, random clips from wolverine
Submitted:jangbones
Date:04/09/14
Views:990
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Comment count is 12
oddeye
Who the fuck are Alpha Flight?
Does it include that owl?
Is it clockwork inside and called Bubo?
SteamPoweredKleenex
As I actually had an issue or two of this, I can kind of help.

The owl and the bear are the same woman. She's called snow... something. Snowfox? I dunno. Anyway, she basically transforms into animals.

The clips of the robot are supposed to be of a guy who's missing his legs and is a super-genius. He built a robo-suit and called himself "Box." I think he entered and exited the suit by phasing through it somehow.

There's supposed to be a martial-arts midget (Puck), a guy who turns into bigfoot, an Indian who can pull anything out of this medicine bag he carries, and some guy in a Canada Flag super-suit.

I know it makes no sense, but since they're Canadian, they're lumped in with Wolverine, and that means no matter how ridiculous they are, they'll never go away.

StanleyPain
They are a Canadian mutant team from the X-universe that was sorta-but-not-really popular in the late 80s and 90s despite the fact they were terrible, yet somehow they have a strange cult-following. I think most of the characters are still in the Marvel universe, but who cares.

Xenocide
Puck is the best. Marvel Comics couldn't just make him a fun karate dwarf, as that would be simple and appealing. So he's actually a 7 foot tall adventurer from the 19th century who met an evil genie who shrank Puck down to half his natural size, but also made him immortal, for some reason. He spent a hundred years learning gymnastics and is now the most feared Oompa Loompa.

oddeye
Appreciate the exposition; could have just said "a bunch of retarded shit" though.

CornOnTheCabre
I don't think it's possible to be racist towards Canadians (oh boo hoo, run back to the infinite oppression of your functional health care system and your stable economy compared to nearly every other country in the world), but if it were, I'm pretty sure it'd involve a rambunctious little person named after a hockey puck.

Bobonne
It would be impolite to consider having a small person with a thoroughly stupid backstory representing your nation to be a bad thing.

Also, Alpha Flight was killed off in one panel by Bendis during some crossover of some sort to show off how DANGEROUS AND SCARY some new villain guy was (who turned out to be crazy and out of control and was an American Postal Worker from Alaska) in the mid-2000s.

Alpha Flight fans were so upset that they wrote several moderately annoyed (but courteous) letters about that, let me tell you.

Hammer Falls
They were John Byrne's baby for a while, when both DC and Marvel would bend over backwards to have him. The only remaining significance (maybe the only significance) was that the team featured Marvel's first later-to-be revealed gay superhero, Northstar.

SteamPoweredKleenex
Random clips from not just Wolverine. Lots of Stargate Atlantis in the hizzy, too.

I was kind of hoping he'd kludge together something that hinted at the guy in the Canadian flag outfit. I guess he doesn't have a copy of Poser handy.
Bort
If four seasons of "Due South" have taught me anything, Canada does just fine with the traditional line-up of Mountie, Wolf, and Italian*. There's something thematically appealing about Canadians rendering themselves unstoppable through the power of good manners and clean living; I'm just not feeling it with Puck.


*: Producers reserve the right to substitute Polacks for Italians as needed.
Hailey2006
Needs the Geddy Lee song from the McKenzie Brothers album!
BHWW
What other very Canadian superheros come to mind, besides Captain Canuck

"Captain Canuck is a Canadian comic book superhero. Created by cartoonist Ron Leishman and artist/writer Richard Comely, the original Captain Canuck first appeared in Captain Canuck #1 (cover-dated July 1975). The series was the first successful Canadian comic book since the collapse of the nations comic-book industry following World War II.[1]

Three characters have worn the maple leafed costume of Captain Canuck. Described[by whom?] as a cross between Captain America and Flash Gordon, the first Captain Canuck patrols Canada in the (then) futuristic world of 1993, where "Canada had become the most powerful country in the world." He was the costumed agent of the Canadian International Security Organization (CISO)."

and a character who appeared in a few issues of a comic called Northguard, a Jewish kid from Montreal who comes into possession of a device that gives him strange powers, and his evasion of CIA and KGB agents and fight against an organization called ManDes, lead by a sinister reverend who plans to unite the US and Canada into one big quasi-theocratic state.
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