|The Mothership |
Man, hemorrhoids are no fucking joke. You don't want them.
I keep telling them that but they don't listen.
The worst thing, craptacular, is that these damn things are completely out of your control. You can be in excellent health and great diet (like bodybuilder health) otherwise (as The Mothership is), but sometimes when you are stressed out a fucking vein in your lower colon will sometimes come out of your asshole and make everything as sensitive down there as if you had been stabbed in the taint with a rusty machete.
Stay young forever. Never get older than 35.
It's like someone rubbed your anus with steel wool and cayenne pepper.
Full disclosure: I'm posting from the toilet.
I had the hemorrhoid in the Army. Doing PT with that shit was the worst.
At first it was kinda funny, because I could squeeze it between my buttcheeks and it felt like a dingle-berry that refused to come off. But then I did some Iron Mikes and it wasn't so funny anymore.
This commercial scarred me in my formative years. I had no idea what a "hemroid" was, but I knew I wanted to do everything in my power not to get one.
"Knuck, knuck, knuck." "Tucks, Tucks, Tucks."
I stand corrected, O master of stoogedom.
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