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Desc:wow
Category:Classic TV Clips, Horror
Tags:cake, cooking, sandra lee, food network, kwanzaa
Submitted:dead_cat
Date:02/21/08
Views:9207
Rating:
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Comment count is 62
dead_cat
At the time of posting this, there is a broken submission of the same name in the hopper. This is because I was a fucktard and neglected to include a link to the video - or any video at all - the first time around. This is not a dupe - I am just a goddamn moron.
PlushJake
I'm amazed this made it through the hopper. But I admit it was hard to look away.
Aelric
i'm sorry, is there a joke here? is there something about the video i'm missing outside of the weird idea of a kwanzaa cake being made my a plastic blonde white girl?
Jeff Fries
Because you can make it without having to pay your gas bill first



I don't know either

Ahriman the Creepy Lurker
The joke is that she's proudly showing the world how to make horrible sub-bachelor dishes using only the cheapest and nastiest pre-made processed ingredients.

THIS WOMAN IS BEING PAID REAL CASH MONEY TO DO THIS.

doc duodenum
I thought the joke was that she got this gig because her husband is a cash register.

garcet71283
Would've gotten two more stars if she mixed malt liquor into the icing, deep fried the whole thing and served it with a side of greens...
Aelric
...with grape soda and a pack of KOOLS to smoke right afterwards.

haha, isn't racism hilarious! i feel dirty

Sudan no1
you forgot the chicken. somewhere. :(

oswaldtheluckyrabbit
watermelon/sleeping on the job

Aelric
kids all over town

gmol
I have a hankering for some cold milk with cloves topped with pie crust

doc duodenum
Klassic Kwanzaa Kake

Jeriko-1
Its a white lady trying to make black people food out of 'things those people eat'. Its like a SNL skit gone horribly wrong.

That sound you hear is Sean spitting out his drink.
Fezren
A white lady making a kwanzaa cake? CALL THE RACIST POLICE!!!!

RomancingTrain
The only people I know who eat/ate acorns were Native Americans.

Sudan no1
the "acorns" are actually corn nuts. Black people like corn nuts. I know because I have black friends.

futurebot
I wouldn't say - but - Jesus. Don't we have any ACTUAL black people around here to spit out their drinks?

Camonk
Black people don't use computers for anything but editing their rap videos and talking about Beast Wars.

fluffy
I am pretty sure Sandra Lee doesn't keep cocoa powder around "for making hot cocoa." Unless she thinks cocoa powder is the crap in an envelope mixed with sugar and milk solids.
fluffy
Also, her voice totally reminds me of the TWO WEEEEEEEEEKS costume head in Total Recall.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Oh my god, you're right.

Sudan no1
yeah, that confused me too.

1394
Shocked and appalled that there wasn't already a Kwanzaa tag.
pastorofmuppets
It's a pretty new holiday.

lustygoat
i think i could make a more appealing looking cake with my ass

quicker too
ZawBanjito
That's a nice looking cake. I'm surprised there are so many skilled patissieres on Poetv with the authority to mock it.
Millard
If you read the recipe on foodnetwork.com, you'll find that it's basically unedible according to the reviews.

nocash
I just submitted a video of Mark Bittman making a for real nice cake. Go watch that.

Doctor Arcane
A white lady making a kwanzaa cake. Who cares. Its not as if we dont let goys make matzah ball soup these days.
Aelric
how is the world bank treatin' you? ZING!

Malone
She color coordinates her kitchen with her wardrobe.


Samisyosam
Mmmmm corn nuts and apple pie filling.
Stopheles
I absolutely love the fact that she tries passing off Corn Nuts as being 'acorns' and hopes nobody will know the difference.
cognitivedissonance
To be fair, get rid of the candles and the Corn Nuts and it seems to be a pretty good idea for a cheap centerpiece. The apple filling sounds like a decent, solid idea.

Although the cake was brown because it refused to choose between Jehovah and Satan during the Great Controversy.
zatojones
i like her big boobs. the stars are for that.
Hugo Gorilla
Sandra Lee is apparently a target for a lot of criticism and derision for not being a real chef or something. Here's Anthony Bourdain calling her "Betty Crocker after a weekend huffing crack."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzG0PdiDJcI
Frank Rizzo
Anthony Bourdain is the only respectable person on the food network.

Roachbud
Alton Brown is respectable also and the original Iron Chefs

Frank Rizzo
"good eats!!! dooo doo dod do doood doooooooo.."

themilkshark
I want her to cook topless from now on.
afp3683
One time my house mate was really drunk, and he mixed kraft dinner with a bunch of random spices and a few other things from the fridge. And to think, this woman gets her own show but he has to wallow in insignificance. NO JUSTICE!
Benzene265
It doesn't sound like it'd taste as awful as some of her dishes, like the Dr. Pepper-marinated pork chop. I wonder why she needs the vanilla, though. Isn't the icing already flavored?
EvilHomer
Because what's Kwanzaa without a piece of vanilla trying to get in on the action?

dead_cat
Dr.Pepper-marinated stuff isn't something she came up with, sadly.

Some other things that get me about this:

- why is she using an angelfood cake? Was it because it was the only un-iced cake she could buy ready-made?

- I still cannot get over how much vanilla this woman is adding to that already vanilla-flavored icing. For that matter, I can't see why she did all that when simply MAKING ICING wouldn't have taken much longer.

- What the fuck, woman, those candles are way too big, especially for something like angelfood. I thoght you were a decorator first and a cook second - but damn, YOU FAIL AT THAT TOO.

Benzene265
Making an actual cake wouldn't have taken that long, either.

cognitivedissonance
Dr. Pepper marinade has a long and glorious history, as proved over at Lileks.com.

Aelric
deep down, every black man wants to be whitey?

Enjoy
"Angel Food Harvest Cake For Kwanzaa"
doc duodenum
I think I get it. Her cake basically comes from a ghetto store, but aren't her recipes all like that? She probably has good recipes for Tater Tot Casserole.
dead_cat
Sandra Lee's Smashing Tater-Tot Casserole

you will need:
1 large bag of frozen tots
1 caserole dish
1 microwave oven

Arrange tots in dish, microwave on high untilthey are no longer frozen, Now for the most adorable fantastic sauce ever!

Take 1 bottle Heinz ketchup, squirt ketchup into medium-sized mixing bowl. Add about 1/4 cup yellow mustard, 2 cups sugar, and several tablespoons of ground jalepeno. Mix, then drizzle over your cute little tots and serve. Your frinds will be far too astonished at your opposable thumbs to comment.

Totally Chillin' Vodkatinis:
1 large bottle Vodka. I like to get mine from the Super Savings shelf but your taste may vary.
open bottle and place 1 sprig parsley that you have painted purple, sprinkled with glitter, and glued little googley eyes to at the mouth of the bottle. Serve.
Serves 1.


Sudan no1
A million bulbs for those hopefully fake recipes.

Mayberry Pancakes
Good God, what did that poor angel food cake ever do to her?!
Roachbud
I wonder what percentage of her audience is black
Aelric
i wonder how many of her viewers are actually women

Menudo con queso
The title of her autobiography: "Made From Scratch"(!)
Could this be the best Sandra Lee irony of all?
Jeff Fries
Stars are for the first known footage of someone treating Kwanzaa as though it exists and people celebrate it.
frau_eva
I love the people on here so cooking-stupid that they don't know how braindead horrible this is. Apparently you'll need to put her "Daffodil Cake" up where she puts pre-made cookies on top of a pre-made cake and then drinks herself into oblivion. I think that's the only one so obviously full of fail that some of these people will get it.
chalk
Oh god, the online recipe. I mean, the pictures of her other food look just as bad, but somebody added POPCORN to the recipe (and admitted that yes, they were corn nuts):

1 (10 to 12-ounce) purchased angel food cake
1 container (16 ounce) vanilla frosting
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 (21-ounce) container apple filling or topping
1 (1.7-ounce) package corn nuts
1/2 cup pumpkin seeds, toasted
1/2 cup popped popcorn

Recipe here along with her others, don't go if you need your appetite:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_993 6_25303,00.html
Persephone S. Tight
Food Network pulled this recipe from their site.

Hooper_X
I haven't reviewed this yet?

They really just oughta change the title of her show to "cooking for bachelors" and call it a day. The only reason you make something like this is if you are a dude who has a girl coming over and you want to impress her but you don't know how to make shit.
Mister Yuck
Every male should be gifted "The Joy of Cooking" when they leave the house, just so they don't try something like this.

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