Someone needs to edit all of the porn out of porn movies and just leave the "story." If this scene is any indication, some of them would be quite amusing.
I made a super 8 porn in school called Air Conditioning where it was just a guy coming over to repair the air conditioning. It was really stupid. Nothing happens. Terrible overdubbed innuendo is made, but ultimately he repairs the air conditioning. But I got to film girls frolicking in scant clothing with a super 8, so there's one thing I don't have to regret not doing before I die.
They've done that with others as well. "Flesh Gordon" is also worth checking out.
|Wonko the Sane |
"From Davey Jones' locker I stab at thee" has made my day.
I like to think that this was written by a failed English major who is forced to write porn to feed himself.
This was the best movie of 2005.
Much better than Porn Trek: The Next Penetration.
"I SHIT MY PANTS!"
Woo, hero of the day!
That hero is the Bruce Campbell of the porn world.
So was this softcore or hardcore?
"She's coming up on our port?"
" How do you know that?"
" Beacuse the previous shot just showed us right next to the other ship. "
"Okay! Let's continue to look through our spyglasses at him while he's right next to us!"
Hooray for continuitiy!
"Guess my plans weren't so bad after all, were they?"
"You let him turn around, and just shot him again. A 3 year old would have at least drawn a pretty picture with crayons, too."
I love how they had cannon problems. A cannon just requires gunpowder and something to shoot... how can they have what sounds like repeated problems with their cannons not working?
Cracked chamber? Bad fuses? Dampness? Misfires? There are a billion things that could go wrong with primitive cannons.
Instead of focusing on those 16th century Tom Clancy details, enjoy the fact that our hero's brilliant plan is to just tell someone else to FIX THEM.
Well let's just say it is safe to assume he heated up the on-ship forge to repair the chamber, got some fuses from another supplier, and dried out the black powder.
Seriously though, they use the same cannons, the cannons fired the first time, it seemed more like they just didn't load the cannons at first, as nothing but flame comes out.
When you find challenge in picking continuity mistakes in a porn movie, that's a porn movie with a relatively solid plot
This makes porn fun again.
It's nice to see porn stars having fun. yeah. I thought the secret plan would involve blowjobs. oh well.
Brief little LJ: When this movie came out, the buyers for the video store where I worked apparently thought it was a legitimate, normal straight to video movie, so we put up, like, 2 fixtures worth on the new release wall, even though it seemed obvious this was, at minimum, softcore porn (we were unaware it was hardcore).
Needless to say, in the days after it's release, scores of families were coming in pretty pissed off. It came down soon afterwards.
And, no, it wasn't the R-rated version we received.
Yeah i remember this. Man they hyped the fuck out it with promises of "exciting swordsfights" and "a real soundtrack composed by a philharmonic orchestra". I guess a whole career spent in porn is an instant insurance that any real movie you make after that, ANY real movie cannot suck.
Also, yes Wu.. fuck.. haha.. shit.. hahaha.
I find the CGI here really impressive. It looks great for a guy fooling around in 3DS Max.
|Babies Ate My Dingo |
This movie was one of our top rentals when I was still at the porn shop. Evan Stone, the man described by FABIO2 as the Bruce Campbell of the porn world, takes himself about this seriously in most of the movies I've seen him in. For a porn movie, the production value is phenomenal. The success of Pirates has spurred companies on to bigger and better things-- Eden and Upload are both worth checking out.
Also, Jesse Jane is amazing to watch, but she really ought to keep her mouth shut unless there's a cock going in.
For a porno, that's some seriously high quality. You're lucky they don't just have a guy in rags getting blown in a rowboat.
I'm a little surprised, since until the end I wasn't at all sure how the setup would lead to sex.
Wu, you gonna fix those fucking cannons or what?!
|Cinnamon Imperialist |
Wasn't this one of the most expensive pornos ever produced?
startlingly ugly lead
you should practice not saying anything
The candle scene to this movie is, in my opinion, one of the hottest porn scenes ever shot.
Lots of great lines in such a tiny clip.
|Syd Midnight |
In my quest for porn I came across a sci-fi porno done by the same crew, "Space Nuts". It's the same kind of genuine hilarity, like a Troma movie except with lots of explicit sex. I approve of this direction.
That's the FUN part of sailing!
|Geoff Marr |
Nobody was on anybody's port side here. Well except at the end. -1 star!
I'm getting a boat.
this video has over 32,000 hits from people googling "pirate sex videos"
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