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Desc:why is the audience laughing?
Category:Humor
Tags:pizza, Pain, jewish, cell phones
Submitted:heyitslozeau
Date:08/22/08
Views:7542
Rating:
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Favorited 11 Times

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Comment count is 82
baleen - 2008-08-22

Wow. I am wincing at every line.

Cleaner82 - 2008-08-22
I hate this, I really do. There's nothing more painful to me than a comedian bombing, and on this site that's saying a hell of a lot. Five, naturally.
robotkarateman - 2008-08-23
This is really hard to watch, but is worth it for her absolute cluelessness. The five stars are the for the friend who told her, "You're so funny! Girl, you should be a standup comedian."

YakooMarkTwo - 2008-08-22
I'm going to give this a five as a submission. I got 1:48 into it and had to stop - so this video did its job.
tenten - 2008-08-22
Y'know, I bailed at the same time. LOLocaust indeed.

Dib - 2008-08-23
I bailed as soon as she started threatening to rap. I'm not sure there is anything as annoying+embarrassing for everybody involved as awful rapping.

McGillistabby - 2010-02-08
Yeah, I bailed around then... once I noticed that it's NINE MINUTES LONG.

My stars are for the audience. The poor polite audience.

kennydra - 2008-08-22
It's a new genre of stand-up comedy where you just leave out the punchlines. It's all setup. Over and over and over.
jesustweak - 2008-08-22
"Do you guys like pizza? Who has a cell phone?"

This is the perfection of post-funny comedy that Andy Kaufman only dreamed of.
waxeater - 2008-08-22
"Anyone ever ride in a boat? Who's eaten cheesecake? Ever see 'Star Wars?' Thanks, you guys have been great! Goodnight!"

baleen - 2008-08-22

I think I'll try something like this at the next open mic comedy in my neighborhood.

ChocFullOfFunk - 2008-08-26
Harry Caray does standup.

Screwtape - 2008-08-22
You're stealing material from *Mike Myers*!? Worse than terrible.
Merkwuerdigeliebe - 2008-08-22
Tags: comedy, Pain, improv, jewish
Merkwuerdigeliebe - 2008-08-22
I suggest hlolocaust.

wtf japan - 2008-08-22
Die Endlulzung.

kiint - 2008-08-22
hololopalooza!

heyitslozeau - 2008-08-22
for some reason the tags disappeared when i tried to add pizza and cellphones.

heyitslozeau - 2008-08-22
also error reads: Key insert failed, submission accepted keys all done exploded!

Merkwuerdigeliebe - 2008-08-22
I wish I could give this five stars again for Endlulzung.

If you add too many tags the tag list breaks. Try removing them and adding one by one until you reach the limit.

King of Balls - 2008-08-23
Here are those extra stars you ordered, Merkwuerdigeliebe.

Endlulzung.

Bort - 2010-01-07
Endlulzung for me too, please.

(That tops my favorite German misspelling, "Leiderhosen", which translates to "unfortunately pants".)

Dinky Patterson - 2008-08-22
Zei nit kain vyzoso.
KnowFuture - 2008-08-22
YOUR MOM DID NOT TELL YOU YOU SHOULD BE A WHITE JEWISH RAPPER---and then the bit goes nowhere. Wow.

Camonk - 2008-08-22
None of the bits go anywhere. There aren't any bits. This bitch makes me so angry! Why does she hate jokes so much that she won't tell one?

chumbucket - 2008-08-22
she let me down
Xenocide - 2008-08-22
New York and LA are totally different. In New York you can't find an apartment! But then you find an apartment. And in LA you can't find an apartment! But then you find an apartment. But then....you have to buy things for it! Buying things, am I right? Who here buys things?

Yeah, so....my mom's Jewish! And she worries! LAUGH!
dancingshadow - 2008-08-22
I hate her
Poor Excuse - 2008-08-22
I don't hate her, I hate her friend that thought she was funny enough to recommend becoming a comedian.

Ehhh I hate her too.
Kibblesmith - 2008-08-22
From the way this is cropped, I'm going to assume the sign behind her says "Improve."
NoCode - 2008-08-22
*****

Gmork - 2013-08-22
Suck a trainload of dicks NoCode

sosage - 2008-08-22
This thing is almost 9 minutes long. These stars represent the amount of times I pushed the scroll bar forward a minute...+3.
boner - 2008-08-22
Like a brainstorming session for the next Cathy comic
HarrietTubmanPI - 2008-08-22
She should have seen some of those demmycrat joke videos on POE. Then she'd have plenty of great material.
Mordant - 2008-08-22
One of my coworkers has the exact same sense of "humor" as this chick. It's painful.
indierockbird - 2008-08-22
oy.
Jeff Fries - 2008-08-22
The worst sound in the world has to be the supportive laughter women give to other women who are trying to be funny.
Cena_mark - 2008-08-22
Women just aren't funny.

Stog - 2008-08-22
I heard they can't drive either.

Xenocide - 2008-08-22
Also they're selfish cackling monsters who eat men's souls. They digust me. Why can't I find a girlfriend?

Cleaner82 - 2008-08-22
And then they complain when they're killed.

Cena_mark - 2008-08-23
And they complain about being raped. You know they wanted it all along. If a woman doesn't want to be raped she shouldn't dress sexy.

j lzrd / swift idiot - 2008-08-23
Nobody has mentioned they're slow learners?

Because, I mean, mathematics, amirite? Go on, ask the next lady friend you meet a simple question involving two trains leaving different stations at different speeds, sit back, and watch the results.

Fifty to one odds says she will start twitching and electrical sparks will shoot out of her neck.

Two to one odds says she will giggle and ask you why you would ask her a question only some math genius would know the answer to.

One point zero zero zero one to one odds that she'll end up berating you because it's so obvious you're just trying to make her look like some dumb bimbo and why do you act like that it's so mean you know exactly what you're doing DON'T ASK ME WHAT'S WRONG LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW.



And so nobody takes me too seriously here, like I dunno EVERY OTHER TIME, </bullshittingyou>

mashedtater - 2008-10-29
As a woman I would respond, but all I know about is embroidery and kittens!

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2008-08-22
I watched the screw fly larvae vid but I simply can't make it through this.
FISTFULLofSOUL - 2008-08-23
I share your pain.

almo - 2008-08-22
jews
Daymage - 2008-08-22
I'll repeat "ho" many times.
Camonk - 2008-08-22
Who likes pizza

Who has a computer

What's going on with computers

So my mom calls me without segue

Here's something that's almost racy but is still not a joke

Five stars.
Unsung - 2008-08-22
Wow, this is even more painful than the black comedian bombing I submitted.
RomancingTrain - 2008-08-22
I was hoping this was from '91 but then the rapper thing happened.
grimcity - 2008-08-22
I only made it 48 seconds in, but I'm starring the comments from pretty much everyone here. -10 for her, +15 here.
chalk - 2008-08-23
:48 was where I had to stop, too. That laugh... it hurts.

NoCode - 2008-08-22
gaah, shut the fuck UP!
revdrew - 2008-08-22
This is like watching a black guy that can't dance.

I couldn't make it to the two minute mark.
yourmother - 2008-08-23
OH MY GOD SHUT UUUUUP!!!

I can't even believe this was attempted.
yourmother - 2008-08-23
oh yeah...

sliggy - 2008-08-23
I hear the laughter, and I hear people talking. I can only assume that the side conversations are really funny. I'm five starring all the witty people who are not on stage.
klingerbgoode - 2008-08-23
HEY GUYS I'M A JEW. WHO HERE HAS A COMPUTER? SAY HAY HO HAY HAY HO
Enjoy - 2008-08-23
I watched the whole thing and I'm not sure I heard one joke that worked even a little bit.
fluffy - 2008-08-23
She is the secret daughter of Mike Myers and Fran Drescher. She was given up for adoption and raised by Jerry Seinfeld.
fluffy - 2008-08-23
oh and 5* for extreme pain

Seris - 2008-08-23
I laughed when I heard a guy say behind camera "I bet your pussy is hot like an oven--" because even though he was clearly drunk, he could atleast make half a jew-burning joke and it was still a million times better than her act.

Which was VERY annoying by the way.
blackmetallic - 2008-08-30
oh god not comedian rap.

I would rather pull my urethra out with a corkscrew than view her truly awful standup again.

I enjoy the audience talking amongst themselves, louder and louder through out, always a good sign for a comedian. HOW DOES SHE NOT HEAR THIS?

starting out by plagiarizing a painfully unfunny mike myers is also an auspicious beginning...
Nyms Lives! - 2008-09-04
5 stars for the paradox... the only way she could get up on stage would be to give a blowjob to the manager, but as a Jewish woman she's incapable of giving a blowjob. This is a paradox truly worthy of scientific study.
Merzbau - 2008-10-24
"Men Behind the Sun" was less painful to watch than this.

Also worth noting that the Dick/Bush/Colin thing is ripped off from George Carlin, only in a way that mangles it beyond all hope of ever being funny again.
lucienpsinger - 2008-11-03
Incredible. One of the worst I've ever seen. Right? Y'knowwhatahmtalkin' about.

...Right? There we go. There we go.
libby1217 - 2008-11-07
omg, that was so horrible..but five stars for the post and that she actually made it through there...she was wondering and probably still is..how she made it without the gong....oh, that was another show.....
KnowFuture - 2008-12-02
Mitch Hedberg's joke about adding an "E" to the end of the sign in the background comes to mind...
kingofthenothing - 2009-04-07
16 seconds. She started making annoying jew sounds and I cut it off.
spork865 - 2009-05-27
TERRIBLEBAD
tamago - 2009-07-25
Anyone who finished this all the way through, I would not fuck with as they obviously feel no pain.
ADnova - 2009-08-06
I killed myself 7 times while watching this video. Actually, I couldn't watch it, I had to scroll down so that I couldn't see the thing making the noises.
yourdeadgirlfriend - 2009-09-23
5 stars for "I'll just stick to the comedy."
kwash - 2010-02-06
Another beautiful example of divergence between the youtube and poetv ratings.
exar_kun - 2010-02-26
Hitler saw her coming, shes the reason for the holocaust.
Maru - 2013-04-06
And they blame Islam for bombings.
poopy - 2013-08-22
Unforgettable.
dairyqueenlatifah - 2014-08-22
Six years later and it's somehow more cringe-inducing.
That guy - 2014-08-22
........now take a good couple of minutes and imagine her practicing for this routine.
pyslexic dharmacist - 2014-08-28
Not bad if you're drunk and imagine you're just listening to another random drunk chick.

If.
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