Needs blackface tag.
Actually coal, you are a Christmas symbol of the worst object a child could possibly receive. They earn you by being reprehensible. I think you should stay as far away from Christmas as possible, free advice.
|Shotgun Jackson |
Have you seen their latest campaign in Tennessee?
You mean accidentally dumping millions of cubic liters of coal sludge right in people's yards? That's one way to get your product out there.
"Frosty the Coalman is a jolly happy soul"
Actually he's not.
He sits at home in the North Pole in a little shack battling his respiratory problems because of all the coal that has spread, through first-hand contact and through the pollution in the air, not to mention having to help mine for it so Santa and his Elves could stay warm and produce their toys. Now he's got a lot of the stuff in his snow/coal granules, and it's killing him very slowly. He can't afford to live anywhere else in the North Pole because he can't just entertain the kids like he used to back in the sixties. He lives off his dwindling royalties and his severance paychecks that Santa begrudgingly slips into his mailbox. It's enough for him to subsist on but it's not enough for him to be able to move out. He blew his savings on whiskey and by supporting the rest of his family who have all moved out and have forgotten about him.
Frosty IS getting cleaner every day, but that's only because he has to rip off small chunks of himself and dispose of them in his sink while he prepares new snow grafts from the shavings in his freezer. It's a long, painful process and it leaves Frosty scarred and psychologically damaged. He's not only looking cleaner, but he's also looking even more gaunt, and the more gaunt he gets, the less likely he can do the things he needs to do, like buy fresh noses and new corncob pipes, scarves, and top hats.
I hope you singing pieces of coal remember the real Frosty this December. I hope you remember him when you spout bullshit lines like 'there were nearly no pollutants to see' with your wide eyes and shiteating grins.
WE LOVE THE MOOOOOON
CAUSE IT IS CLOOOOSE TO USSSSS!
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