|mountain dew insimination |
I voted this out because I know now that finer chopped tuna will improve my quality of life.
mountain dew insimination
AND DUDE I JUST FINISHED IT AND DID YOU SEE HIM SINK THAT NO-LOOK INTO THE SINK!?!? THIS GUY IS LIKE RON POPEIL'S BEELZEBUB
I want a Slap Chop.
It will make my life more exciting.
He's so excited that he made the backwards shot into the sink, he messes up putting the lid back on.
Oh yeah, also: this guy's name is Vince Offer. And the reason he's doing these infomercials? When he was in college, he wrote, directed, and starred in a film that could easily top a list of the worst ever. He got hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt trying to make it into a success, and now he has to whore himself to get out of the mess he made.
"The film itself mainly consists of crude lowbrow skits (such as Gena Lee Nolin loudly using the restroom and a superhero named 'Dickman', who dresses in a giant penis costume and defeats his enemies by squirting them with semen), created by the director, based on sketches Offer originally performed on a cable access show he had hosted. The film went direct to video and consistently rates in IMDB's bottom 100 movies. Lawrence Van Gelder in The New York Times wrote a scathing review, saying the movie 'stands as a monument to ineptitude and self-delusion.'"
I like my commercial salesmen to smell faintly of failure and desperation.
I remember the commercials for that movie.
This all makes sense now.
|Sudan no1 |
We're gonna make America skinny again! MMMMM CHEESE
This guy is sort of a fucking genius.
I also wanna point out that he says the offer is only good for 20 minutes. In an ad made for the internet.
The add was made for a station, and leaked onto the internet. Watch - in a few days, this will be pulled and need to be updated. (The same thing happened to another submission of the same video that didn't get out of the hopper quickly enough.)
This man is my hero.
I am motherfucking terrified by this. I believe this is a reasonable response.
A friend of mine whipped out a shamwow to clean his guitar the other day. A fucking shamwow. I asked where he got it - he said he got sold by the slick sales guy on the TV, then when he called, they upsold him a bunch of extra crap. He was rather embarrassed about it, but I think this is a testimonial to how good these sales bastards have gotten (when it comes to dumb people).
What the shit? This thing was old, like, 8 years ago. These things have been around forever, and now they're trying to remarket them with infomercials? Jesus. What's next?
THE AMAZING CAN EXTRACTICATOR!!! (*pulls out ordinary can opener*)
|Big Beef Burritos Supreme |
|Mike Tyson?! |
I was still listening to RIDING THAT HOG in my head while watching this, now I want to go back to bed because it's impossible for my day to get any better.
Parmasan? Comes with a cover!
|King of Balls |
Oh man this guy. Fucking love him.
Who would win in a fight, the Shamwow guy or the Will It Blend guy?
It's hard to say, but it would be like the showdown in Scanners.
Just knowing there is a man of such epic bitterness and gigantic awesome hatred for his own clientele and willing to balls-out flaunt them gives me hope for humanity.
Shine on, you crazy diamond. Preferably after wiping yourself with a Shamwow.
This tuna is fucking boring.
That double head-dip smile at the end sold me.
|Albuquerque Halsey |
Next time your local State Fair starts up, go to the "Product Expo" hall or whaterverthefug they call it. It's booth upon booth of infomercial LARP
ShamWow Vince is the patron saint of POETV
|Busby Berkeley |
THIS IS THE RONCO CHOP-O-MATIC FOR PETE'S SAKE!
This ISN'T some kind of ironic redub? I don't even understand why I'm enjoying this.
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