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Desc:Lip a-quiver
Category:News & Politics, Horror
Tags:drugs, republicans, conservatives, glenn beck, weepy little bitch
Submitted:Anonymous
Date:10/01/09
Views:2833
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Comment count is 72
Keefu
i'm an atheist, booga booga booga
Xenocide
Avert your eyes, children! He may try to take on other forms!

facek
How did you destroy America today Keefu? I ran around my neighborhood ruining the values of every family here.

theSnake
enough of this guy already hes boring me
socialist_hentai
i have something to fill that gaping hole in your head.
Merzbau
please tell me it is a fist, oh please oh please oh please

socialist_hentai
ok then, it's a fist.

SolRo
shotgun barrels.


As an athiest, all I have to say is; Where da catholic women at?!

poorwill
As if socialist hentai's penis would fill the gaping hole in Glenn Beck's head!

Rodents of Unusual Size
It would take all of our dicks to fill a hole that size.

And when he says "God is chased out" I picture an atheist sweeping God out with a broom saying "shoo, you go on out now, go on, shoo, shoo!"

CaptainJesusHood
Another fine performance by the twenty-first century Eli Sunday
IrishWhiskey
It never fails to annoy me when they say "you can't pray in schools" or "you can't sing hymns in school" or "you can't have the Bible in school". Bull. Shit.

I went to a liberal California public school, and we had all of those things. Kids and school clubs prayed openly, we were assigned reading from the Bible in English Lit, and performed religious songs in choir and band.

For the love of God, stop lying about being persecuted, and just admit what you really want is to do is the persecuting.
joyofdiscord
They do it intentionally. They saturate pop culture with the notion that God/prayer/faith is banned from schools, and eventually overzealous educators try to put it into practice and stop some kid or group from exercising free religious expression. Then the Religious Right claims validation while their mortal enemies, the ACLU, do the real heavy lifting of actually defending the students' rights.

Enjoy
Unfortunately things have changed drastically.

IrishWhiskey
No they haven't. My brother goes to the same school, and all those activities remain. As they do in every school in America. There is not one public school in America where students can't pray, sing hymns, or read the Bible, and anyone who claims otherwise is either breaking the 8th Commandment, or living in delusion. The school can't tell kids to practice a religion, but that's in no way the same thing.

pastorofmuppets
That always bothers me the most too. They're only pissed that there isn't mandatory prayer. Which would be against the law. We all pay for the education system, if you want to send your kids to Bible camp you have to pay for that yourself.

I'm cool with the kids praying for stricter enforcement of Title IX though.

memedumpster
They behave like every villain in every cartoon ever.

Enjoy
Standing O for GB. You must honestly (and it's OK to admit this) hate the USA if you can't get behind a heart-felt message like this. No wonder he's the most watched guy on TV.
hornung
Glenn Beck thinks you are a sap. He's a shitty actor who is playing on your fears and middle America is buying it. He doesn't care a dick about the shit he rails on in that show. If there was money to be made as a zany morning dj he'd still be doing that.

There's no real money to be made on love, only hate. And that's because you are weak.

Camonk
Nice one, Enjoy. I got it. Pretty funny.

I do hate the USA, though.

Merzbau
Standing Orgasm?

jangbones
trolled HARD

Sudan no1
enjoy, you just gave a standing O to a race baiting intellectual midget.

oh right that's nothing new to you, carry on.

Sudan no1
and the thing about midgets is, they're not all bad, they can do many things that amuse us. But they can never do a slam dunk. capiche?

smoothbrain
Fuuuuuuck you

Rodents of Unusual Size
Okay, you're not even trying to sound believable now.

StanleyPain
Awwww...the simple-minded little primitives are angry because their tribal ghost stories are threatened when someone doesn't care about the big, bad man who lives in the sky.
magnesium
That one video of kids singing didn't sound anything like "Jesus Loves Me". Those commie-nazi kids can't carry a tune to save their lives.
kanyakumari
That was "Jesus Loves the Little Children", not "Jesus Loves Me", two different songs, at least I think that's the words they were singing. Red and yellow, black and white etc

mr666
What a worthless piece of shit Glenn Beck is.
simon666
Non believers are the fastest growing and largest minority in the United States. Beck should be afraid, we're gunning for you.
Hooker
Who is stupid enough to think that God is the reason America is the most powerful nation in the world when most Western nations, including the last world power in the UK, are also Christian nations?

One star because Glenn Beck bores me.
Cena_mark
Its easier to blame Europe's increasing atheist populations rather than WW2.

dorje
sure, in 1648

fatatty
I doubt it has anything to do with our giant landmass, largely untapped resources, our creation of a mostly homogeneous culture through television and movies, the fact that we were far enough from Europe to escape the Napoleonic wars, WWI and WWII, the Soviet invasions...

It was just cause God really liked what good suck ups we are.

KnowFuture
We'd better all pray extra hard and hate people different from us with an even fiercer tenacity and more willful ignorance than usual before He forgets all about us and goes off to favor Canada or Paraguay or Myannmar instead!

BOOSH
So Glenn Beck is furious that someone reworked that sacrosanct piece of Americana "Battle Hymn of the Republic"

Isn't "Battle Hymn Of the Republic" just a reworking of "John Brown's Body"?

What does Glenn Beck have to say about "Blood On The Risers" which also uses the same harmony?

Why does Glenn Beck hate the President, Abolitionists and American Paratroopers?
cognitivedissonance
Two words: Mountain Meadows.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mountain_Meadows_massacre

pastorofmuppets
That pisses me off too. I hate it when projects are left half-finished.

pastorofmuppets
had it backwards. should have read the link first.

sonichronique
Christ, OK, since it seems no one else is going to do it:
The institutionalization -- in the 20th century -- of public education and the indoctrination of a modicum of skepticism in the American public; yes; yes; yes; yes; yes; yes; erm, well...; well, I... what?; I think that was rhetorical but no; booze, decoupage, Fallout 3, making fun of you, booze, pornography; relative geographic isolation, tariffs that protected our mining and manufacturing sectors from imported goods, a government that was/is obeisant to industry; I just said, fucko!; no... AAAAH!; yes; no, but a quick Wikipedia search reveals this fucking awesome stanza: I have read a fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel: / As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my grace shall deal; / Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with his heel, / Since God is marching on... BURNISHED ROWS OF STEEL AND CRUSHING SNAKES WITH YOUR ANKLE FUCKING ROCK SO EAT SHIT GLENN BECK YOU GLASSY-EYED WHIMPERING WET QUEEF OF A MAN.

(Also, no fucking way was that "Jesus Loves Me".)

socialist_hentai
you sir are an artist.

Xenocide
I love the logic that God is being "Taken Down." Yes, God's all-powerful might is nothing compared to the power of Joe Floob, school superintendent. He's taken down the ten commandments, rendering God powerless forever.
StanleyPain
CURSES!!! I WOULD HAVE INDOCTRINATED ALL THE LITTLE CHILDREN IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR YOU, JOE FLOOB!!

dead_cat
Yeah, that got me too. For an all-powerful deity, god's really bad at this.

Gayperson
i'm so glad this dude has a retard baby.
IrishWhiskey
It apparently runs in the family.

KnowFuture
Yeah, you can change one word in that sentence and it will hold up juuuust fine.

CornOnTheCabre
I love how much he emphasizes "THE GAPING HOLE INSIDE" throughout all of this.

Pretty sure he's spent alot of time in the mirror with that concept these past couple of years.
Hooper_X
Let's be completely fair here. Most of the time when Glenn Beck spends time in front of a mirror, the only thing reflected in it is his nose.

TeenerTot
Stars for Hooper.

jangbones
how can anybody still believe this guy is serious?
SteamPoweredKleenex
Poor upbringing in a Christian home with bad Christian influences.

SolRo
because I know people like him.

they're actually smarter than beck, but same level of stupid on social matters.

memedumpster
So, our new money now says "God is no longer trusted in America?" That ROCKS!

God still refuses to be interviewed by Fox News.

"We should stop looking at social justice" is my favorite part.
j lzrd / swift idiot
I don't believe because faith would associate me with people like you, Glenn Beck.
Cena_mark
"Thou shalt not kill" is a nice commandment, but I'll covet, take the lords name in vain, and not keep the sabbath holy all I want.
dead_cat
Holy shit, Glenn Beck is so retarded, he's got me agreeing whole-heartedly with Cena mark.

pastorofmuppets
God shouldn't be trusted. He's a son of a bitch. Job prayed really hard and God was all "I have altered the deal, pray I don't alter it further" and Job was all like "I'm doing that right now, you're not listening" and God was all "fuck you have some scabs."
KnowFuture
And really, wtf was that whole thing with Abraham & Isaac?

"KILL YOUR KID!!! just kidding...hehe...."

what a dick, seriously.

Nikon
It sounds like God's even more of a troll than Glenn Beck.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Jehovah as a character was originally probably a very satirical creation, representing a father figure who changed his whims dramatically. It falls into step with other father creator characters such as Zeus and company, all of them were meant to be exaggerated emotional states that both sympathized with their children humans, encouraged them, and fucked with them when they had ill tempers. Father creator gods are often severely flawed, which speaks to something of mankind's ability to superimpose huge psychological awareness into mythology without even realizing it.

voodoo_pork
Did this guy just skip the Bill of Rights, just right over the first one? You know, the one that mentions not establishing or endorsing a religion, or prohibiting the practice of one?

That also include the right NOT to believe.
IrishWhiskey
No, it only explicitly prohibits the establishment of a religion. Therefore the state can make a religion mandatory for all, as long as they didn't found it. And don't try bringing up the founding fathers writings regarding church and state, because they were white Christians, and therefore must have considered all other faiths the work of Satan like I do. Glenn Beck even wrote a book about Thomas Paine, and it said that he hated government more than anything, and considered lack of faith in a Christian God the source of all evil.*

*Pretty much a verbatim argument I've heard more than once.

frau_eva
Jesus Christ, I rolled my eyes at Beck's Paine book, but he ACTUALLY SAID that Paine thinks that? Teddy Roosevelt called Paine a "dirty little athiest!" I feel like I should be crying tears of blood right now.

pastorofmuppets
"The study of theology, as it stands in Christian churches, is the study of nothing; it is founded on nothing; it rests on nothing; it proceeds by no authorities; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing and admits of no conclusion." - Thomas Paine, founding father and guy who did not rape or murder a young girl in 1990

1394
America!? WHAT TIME IS LOVE.
Son of Slam
If companies decide that they want to call it a "holiday" sale instead of a "Christmas" sale because it brings in more customers who aren't alienated, isn't that the free market in action?
Man Who Fights Like Woman
Glenn Beck, please die for my freedoms.
That guy
I can't believe this guy tried to rip off Thomas Paine with Glen Beck's "Common Sense", and no one beat him to death for it.

The same Thomas Paine who wrote The Age of Reason, by the way.

It's evil that he doesn't count on any of his fans to know anything about Paine, fact-check, or care if anyone points anything out to them.
splatterbabble
My creator is my mom and dad.
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