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Desc:I never trusted that Jigglypuff.
Category:Religious
Tags:pokemon, Everything is Terrible, EIT
Submitted:ProfessorChaos
Date:12/09/09
Views:2418
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Comment count is 34
IrishWhiskey
Why is it that evangelicals think we sinners are so awesome? I wish I lived in their world, where I'm constantly high, armed to the teeth, having non-stop sex, learning to summon real Pokemon, and using spells and psychic abilities.

Rape Van Winkle
Stop making fun of me because I can't summon real pokemon yet.

poetry publishing guide
just like there is no pop culture phenomenon that someone somewhere is not beating off to, undoubtedly somewhere there is a christian fundamentalist who is attempting to convince others that same said phenomenon is of the devil

which actually makes sense, since god is anti- jacking it
Toenails
Great, now I've got this idea in my head that there are people out there rubbing one off to these evangelical lectures on the satanic influences of said cultural phenomenon.

"Oooh yeah! Tell me how sinful it is to look at dirty images and have impure thoughts! OH GAWD!!!"

badideasinaction
1: construct a fetish site devoted to it
2: make sure the 700 club finds out
3: see if they collapse into themselves in pure singularity.

takewithfood
Yes, pokemon are responsible for gang violence. Clearly.


A wild Innocent Christian appears!

"Glockachu, I choose you! Glockachu, use Pistol Whip, now! That's it, Glockachu, now finish him off with a Bullet attack!"

Innocent Christian has fainted!

Wait. Glockachu is EVOLVING!

Congratulations! Your Glockachu evolved into Uzimon!
Caminante Nocturno
Uzimon is clearly a Digimon name, not a Pokemon name.

takewithfood
I blame Satan.

Xenocide
Satan takes Pokemon seriously. I remember back when he was Lucifer the angel of light, and God hid his Blastoise card.

Let's just say it led to a bit of a rift between the two.
Riskbreaker
Wasn't pokemon in the late 90s? Everyone here looks to be stuck in the 80s. Also, needs white people tag.
StanleyPain
Christians are usually about 5-10 years behind everything popular when it comes to demonizing it and then imitating it in order to win converts.

memedumpster
Christians commenting about other people killing each other has got to be why the Devil hates us, not Pokemon. There is no Devil in comparison to the acts of Christianity. If the Devil isn't Christian then he's an ineffective pussy.
endlesschris
"If you follow through the new age teaching you find that MASTERS are those who take control of spirits in the dark realm."

It is through this logic that I declare that Jack Nicklaus, winner of six Masters tournaments, is the most powerful demonic hellmage of our realm- controller of the darkest of spirit powers.


IrishWhiskey
It does explain their fascination with He-Man though.

Caminante Nocturno
Criminal gangs, such as MS 13, work primarily with fire-type Pokemon. If you come across a Charmander with teardrop tattoos on its face, keep your distance.

On the other hand, everyone steers clear of ghost-type trainers. Even the most violent gangbangers avoid them. Ghost-type trainers are motherfucking crazy.
al k duh
hey padre, i got a monster in my pocket for yo mama!
Konversekid
2:29
cognitivedissonance
"I assure you that everything in life is real."

This, my friends, is exactly why we cannot reason with over half of our own country.
Toenails
It did send shivers down my spine at the thought of Cena_Mark being a real person.

THA SUGAH RAIN
Did you see his videos on youtube about us? Dude is one weird mother.

phalsebob
I agree with the nutcase. Pokemons are evil.
Embee
Pious hysteria fuels my starship.
voodoo_pork
This pastor don't know shit about Pokemon.
Riskbreaker
This shit got to it's high point very quickly. I remember getting mails about how the "university of ecuador" had concluded that the smurfs, dragon ball, pokemon, ranma 1/2 among others had all this crazy double-meanings and references to satan.
Rodents of Unusual Size
All this could make me think of is how awesome it would be if gang members shot at each other saying Pokemon catch phrases. Cripomon, I choose you!
Caminante Nocturno
THAT IS NOT A POKEMON NAME!

NAMES ENDING IN -MON ARE DIGIMON NAMES!

IrishWhiskey
Ah, but the the Japanese name of "Ditto" is "Metamon".

My beard challenges yours!

Caminante Nocturno
THAT IS THE EXCEPTION THAT PROVES THE RULE!

Chibisuke
You know, they just could have said that Pokemon glorifies cockfighting, and they might have had a valid point.
Caminante Nocturno
Only if they ate the losing Pokemon after a match.

KillerGazebo
Hee hee, Pastormon, I choose you! IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE PASTORMON IS A POKEMON NAME BECAUSE IT ENDS IN MON.

pastorofmuppets
Wait, this isn't Will Ferrell's Bush impression?
Plan B
Fundamentalists really hated Pokemon, but most of them kept schtum about it when they realized made them look like cranky old men in the mainstream.

Consider that a few years later, when Yu-Gi-Oh came out--a show where the main characters literally summon monsters from magic playing cards--nobody said boo.
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