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Desc:Clip from discovery special 'the first time machine'
Category:Educational, Science & Technology
Tags:science, time travel, lightspeed
Submitted:The Great Mel Bay
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Comment count is 10
1) activate time machine
2) immediately start receiving messages saying "TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF"
3) shit pants

F...K... In the coffee!
So, we can only use it to kill Hitler if someone had built one 70 years ago?
And that's how Hitler was talked out of building a time machine.

You know how, when a Hollywood blockbuster movie comes out, there's a cheap, DTV knockoff in the video store about a month later?

Neil deGrasse Tyson is the Hollywood version.
This guy...
Rape Van Winkle
Yup. Because they're both black.

The same day they turn on the time machine, cities all around the world will report thousands and thousands of oddly dressed people speaking in strange accents and unknown languages, who marvel in awe at the most basic things, such as cars and trees. They are, of course, Time Tourists, who have traveled back to the farthest point possible.

The next day will see the onset of Time Hipsters, who specifically avoided going back on the farthest day possible because it's too mainstream. They will refer to themselves as "backpackers" even though they take cabs everywhere.

Then for the next 850 years or so, we'll be beset by Time People Who Got the Date Wrong.
"Due to education cuts, society has decided it is time for you and your generation to educate yourselves. To that end, we have turned the History Channel into the Ancient Aliens Channel, the Discovery Channel into Build Your Own Time Machine Channel, and we are going to get around to defunding PBS as soon as somebody fails to clock in for a vote on time.

Good luck on learning things that aren't real!"
Ron Mallett's life is being turned into a feature film, directed by Spike Lee.
Mister Yuck
So I'm gonna assume we haven't heard much about this thing since because it worked, it's been shooting out future-Nazis and aliens ever since it was turned on, and the army has been sending all its last-best-hope, lone-wolf, renegade heroes into the lab one at a time to shut the thing down.
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