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Desc:Son don't eat with your mouth full! How many people got saved? Big bird? Show me your chicken!
Category:Religious, Arts
Tags:big bird, chicken, family first, Saved, Part 1
Submitted:MightyR0b0ts
Date:09/13/13
Views:951
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Comment count is 20
Rodents of Unusual Size
Behold, my awful fucking childhood.

DON'T GO TO THAT HIGHFANGELDY COLLEGE. THAT'S SELFISH. YOU SHOULD PREACH THE JEESUS.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I was the one that voted this out of the hopper because I was trying to submit it. I can't believe someone else found this, or would even look for it, but here is part 2!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHEBY35IOwM
EvilHomer
Context? Is this a Christian sitcom?

Rodents of Unusual Size
It was a sitcom on Fire By Nite, which showcased a lot of Christian musical artists and missionaries. They also would have segments where some big black dude would talk to Christians at baseball stadiums and get them excited about saving people. This would go on for like 20 minutes. And we would watch this. In church. With other people.

Most of my early teen years were spent wanting to be just like these people and I was courted by my youth pastor to enter into the seminary. He thought I could be a missionary and a pastor and was actively encouraging me towards this path. I eventually dropped out of the church when I realized I was gay and I would rather read about unicorns and trolls. Literally.

memedumpster
You could have been that crazy preacher on a corner with a sign shouting about the end of the world coming to twist our sins into spears piercing our guts for all eternity. You could have been a contender. You're a bum, Rock.

Actually, you can still do that. Various people do that around here all the time.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I'm too apathetic for that now, though.

Not having Jeesus in my life has made me lazy and worthless. Sorry, world, you'll just have to deal with the end WITHOUT MY assistance.

EvilHomer
What about preaching the word of gay unicorns and trolls? That'd be something I'd stop and listen to.

Maybe your life experiences were simply Thrym Troll-God's way of pushing you towards His Mission?

EvilHomer
Uhuhuhuhuh. She wants to see this his chicken. Uuuuhuhuhuhuhuhuh.
EvilHomer
Why didn't he take the scholarship and then major in Divinity?

Rodents of Unusual Size
YOU DONT NEED SOME HIGHFANGELDY DEGREE TO EDUMUCATE PEOPLE ABOUT THE JEESUS!

See, that might send the signal you need to learn about the Bible before you talk about it, must like various new converts I've met on the street and tried to engage in a conversation about ancient translation, philosophy of different Christian doctrines, the Council of Nicea, etc, all of whom have been totally clueless because they just discovered the Bible exists and want to share it with everybody.

kingarthur
The dialogue is mind bendingly bizarre, like a Christian ai wrote it trying to approximate human dialogue.
Billy the Poet
It helps to remember that Blaine Bartel is (was?) married to his "sister" IRL.

Rodents of Unusual Size
But that's fitting because it's Biblically okay!

misterbuns
#masturbation challenge
misterbuns
back when the fashionable concerns of fundamentalists in america were divorce and the evils of education.

the subjectivity of religion is lol.
TheOtherCapnS
I've always known there was stuff like this out there. I've even known some of the families who would buy this kind of thing and watch it on 'Movie Night'. But fuck me, the difference between knowing it exists and actually seeing it... *shudder*
gravelstudios
You have no idea.

Toenails
Clarence, Doug, and Brother Peter need their own spin-off.

"Just 3 Mullets"

P.S. I've written better One-Act plays for Theater class in High School. And one was basically a five minute plagiarism of the "I love you, Man!" Bud Light commercial.
Billy the Poet
I used to have a dearly prized VHS tape of old Fire By Night episodes that I lost even before VHS became totally obsolete. MORE PLEASE!
Caminante Nocturno
Fucking useless missionaries.
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