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Desc:The wolverines now have to fight.....North Korea
Category:Trailers, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:North Korea, Red Dawn, wolverines, John Milius
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Comment count is 43
The Mothership
Well, it's no more far fetched than moon Nazis, I guess.
Except nobody was expected to take the moon nazis seriously.

Made better.

500,000 times better

Caminante Nocturno
So it looks like this movie is going to have a less realistic plot than Red Alert 2.

Herr Romney... iz out of ze vey.

We are a fucking goofy ass society with bizarre fantasies
I actually miss 80s action movies where the reactionary messages were just harmless crazy fantasies that were modest box office successes at best.

Now every blockbuster super hero movie reads like a National Review editorial. At least no one outright fellated the super rich in Golan Globus flicks.
This movie looks like shit though. It reminds me of the Plinkett Star Wars prequels reviews: everything is now just a lifeless glossy mess.

Sure, we're living like hunted animals in the woods, but that doesn't mean we can't still all look like supermodels! These actors look like they're busy posing for headshots to care. And as silly as the original movie was, at least it didn't have the kids trying to capture a magical MacGuffin out of a James Bond movie.

Caminante Nocturno
You weren't kidding about the supermodel thing. Take a look at 1:50. You can almost hear the director muttering in filthy approval.

Welcome to the international market, plus the fact that China finances a shitload of our movies these days.

North Korea contributes to none of the world's movie ticket take and they're secretive and pretty evil (though in an impotent and sadly weird kind of way), so it's either them, nazis, terrorists, or people from made-up countries like Dunlikus or Nastistan.

Golan Globus are directly responsible for contributing to our fucked-up views of the middle east, they may not fellate the rich but they couldn't get over how awesome Israel is.

How will these lily white suburban teens stand up to the heathen Korea?
Binro the Heretic
How the fuck would North Korea manage the logistics of an invasion of North America. They can't even manage to invade South Korea.

And they're supposed to pull it off with paratroopers? That was a silly idea even in the original "Red Dawn". Who the Hell invades with paratroopers anymore?

Russia does... they parachute inside little tanks though.

..and at night.. only a total moron would try it during the day.

I guess North Korea does it during the day because they can;'t afford the equipment for a night drop.

Or maybe it's the whole devil-may-care package: NK doesn't even have enough people to invade the US, much less the military crap to make up for it, so they might as well invade during the day! Maybe they will get captured and someone will finally feed them!

I wonder if this one will use the same "everyone died but it's okay because FREEDOM" ending as the original, or if it'll actually try to do a story where a bunch of high school kids defeat the Red Menace with daddy's gun collection.

I mean, if you're going to do a masturbatory Teabagger fantasy you may as well go all in.
North Korea?

It doesn't look like a comedy, so these people are expecting that I'm going to suspend my disbelief that a country with less than 1/10 of our population and less than 1/10 of our per capita GDP somehow successfully sent an army across the Pacific Ocean and invaded the US?
Did you not notice the MAGIC WEAPON?

Shanghai Tippytap
This is, sadly, the part about this that pisses me off the most. When this movie was announced like basically four years ago, the villain was supposed to be China, dropping propaganda leaflets about how they were liberating Americans from predatory capitalism or somesuch. I kind of expected a fun, tongue-in-cheek, verhoven-esque glimpse at our own society, motives for war, and economy, nicely subverting the original (a ridiculous xenophobic mess of a movie).

Instead we get a rah-rah 'merka mess. Its like Duke Nukem Forever all over again.

Why? Because every hollywood blockbuster is is the product of multiple committees.

And if they need to make use of a lot of military equipment without bankrupting themselves, they end up kissing the military's ass to get cheap access, even allowing whoever is in charge of entertainment outreach, or whatever it's actually called, to make changes to the script based on what the military wants in it.

As I said above, it's nothing to do with the military, it's to do with China's cash flow into movie production.

But yes, the US military does often lend "aid" to movies for props, extras, locations, etc. They dropped their support for The Avengers because Nick Fury's rank or level of authority wasn't really defined, but was apparently too high for the DoD to stomach, given what he did in the movie.

This looks terrible even by the incredibly low standard of 21st century remakes.
Binro the Heretic
It just occurred to me, how bad would you want an acting job to be the main bad guy in this piece of shit?
You're Asian, plus you're an actor in Hollywood. Unless you want to wait tables forever, you take what comes along. That's pretty much the reality of all actors anyway. I generally don't hate on actors because they're really at the mercy of what's available to them for work most of the time.

I have more respect for these Asian actors than I do for those that accept roles from Uwe Boll.

I knew a ton of desperate actors looking for work in LA. I was taping an audition session where a dozen of them showed up for an anchor spot for some online fitness webcast that paid 0 a week.

If you want a picture of how awful and soul-sucking working at FOX News must be, half of those actors mentioned that had offers from FOX News, but were putting it off and showing up to this crappy webcast opening because "It's a job...but it's FOX News."

Binro the Heretic
This is making me sadder than I thought it would.

I expected SOME sadness, of course, but this is...ugh.

Stupid Americans! The hilariously outdated technology we boasted of in our propaganda was a ruse to trick you into thinking we didn't have [super doomsday device, which I think is just an EMP]!
Also, what ever happened to the unattractive science/nerd stock character? Are second-rate blockbusters just wall-to-wall underwear models now?

I'm sure it will have one clumsy, nonathletic "nerd" character whose only distinguishing affectation will be a pair of glasses.

if they don't drink deer blood i'm writing this shit off. (i already wrote this off because it is horrible looking)
Nyms Lives!
Don't forget pissing in a radiator.

I can't wait to see the Kim's in every monument in 'merrica!
Those are some remarkably well-fed North Koreans.
Maggot Brain
So the The Koreans have a bomb that destroys the power grid yet somehow the TV still works. How are you going to have a plot hole the trailer?
if the last line was spoken by an afgani mujahideen as he put the finishing touches on an IED, would anyone cheer? what if we put some 90's post grunge over it?
Caminante Nocturno
Yeah, what the fuck is that song doing in this trailer?

Gen Y's very own personal 'Bad to the Bone'

Oh for fuck's sake.

Just how long are we going to be masturbating to the 80s? IT WAS THE FUCKING 80S, GET OVER IT BECAUSE TIME SURE DID.
Rodents of Unusual Size
This film will do so well in South Korea. It has hot American models and North Koreans being shot at. Instant box office hit.

All stupidity aside...wait all there is to this is stupidity. Um. Never mind.

This is mind blowing amounts of ridiculous. Just to reiterate the finer points

* Korea can't even get electricity for its factories but somehow it figured out how to fuck with ours

* Paratroopers...in the day. Wow.

* We have a million nuclear weapons and we don't just use any of them on Pyongyang? Yeah, that's fucking realistic.

* Because if its anyone that is going to save us, it's a bunch of high school jocks and their cheerleader friend.

* One of the screenwriters to this also wrote the remake of Last House on the Left. This guy has some serious fucking issues. I'M GONNA FANTASIZE ABOUT KILLING EVILDOERS WHO ARE COMPLETELY EVIL NO BLACK AND WHITE MORALITY FOR ME, THANKS!

* Seriously, like someone said, they can't even invade South Korea, and they are right next door with tunnels leading under the surface of Seoul. The minute they tried to invade shit, the world would collectively destroy their entire country into the Stone Age.
true story north korea invaded america to get farther away from this guy


and by that i mean, he's going to steal fucking disneyland, all for himself
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