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Category:Educational, Humor
Tags:Vomit, Amy Sedaris, dating, worst, sangria
Submitted:Spit Spingola
Date:02/28/15
Views:1132
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Comment count is 19
Jet Bin Fever
Sounds almost exactly like a guy that got my friend pregnant last year. Real winners, these fellows.
Meerkat
I have to go to a dinner party tonight, and the hostess just informed me she invited "a friend" over to meet me.

I am currently making sangria at a furious pace. And I am going to the store to pick up a watermelon after that.

infinite zest
My worst was this girl I was seeing who accused me of peeing in the bed, but that was impossible because my condom was still on my dick when I woke up and had to go to work so it wasn't me. With the sangria I made I also made a hole in the watermelon and put vodka in there too. Long story short we got fucked up but I know I didn't piss the bed but to this day (we still see eachother) she thinks that I did :(

infinite zest
but sangria's the shit. Just be careful because it can turn into jungle juice

Hooker
I can't tell if infinite's doing a thing pretending he's the guy Sedaris is talking about or just doing his usual bullshit story thing.

infinite zest
Sometimes I wonder about other poetv users' social lives.

infinite zest
Sorry, that sounded angry. I'm really not. But honestly this is kinda par for the course for me, for better or worse. You won't find me pissing into an empty laundry basket tonight, but if it did I'd just kinda shrug it off and make the guy who did it buy me a new pair of socks. Something like that.

Jet Bin Fever
I know way too much about you Zesty.

Nominal
I present to you, the very worst date I ever went on's Okcupid profile. She was kind of cute and I saw "X-files" in her favorite show list so I asked her to coffee based just on that. This is what taught me to always read the entire profile first.

She was every bit as "fun" in person as her writing suggests. See how far you can get before tapping out.


"I'm a thinker, and usually immersed in some research for my own entertainment, then when I'm not, I'm hoping for an adventure.

If you are "awake" as they say. I don't like mainstream media, beyond analyzing it, or mainstream culture for that matter. And no, I'm not a hipster, I was a sociology major, so I just see through a lot of layers that most people take for granted as reality.

I ran a typology (personality theory) forum for several years, with a focus on mbti/myers-briggs, then I got more into enneagram and socionics. My socionics type is ISTj (like Ayn Rand), and my enneagram type is 6 with a heavy 4 fix (unlike Ayn who was an enneagram 1, so I am much less finger-wagging and perfectionistic, though still very principled).

I'm an intellectual but not an academic. I'm good at thinking but not the structured hoop-jumping kind. My brain likes to think outside of the lines. Some people think I'm brilliant, others think I'm a crank. ; )

I'm a bit old fashioned in ways, for example I have a hard time wrapping my head around the poly thing, or why fake airbrushed people "look better" than the organic ones, or why humans are all content to live only a simulation of life these days in their cubicle farms pumped full of ssris, and addicted to things like farmville. I guess the carrot on a stick they're chasing is something like, "well if I gain more status, then even more superficial assholes will invite me out to bars to celebrate me; *then* I can be "happy?" Actually I do understand these things, and quite well, they just annoy me. : P
What Iím doing with my life
I work as a PCA, research lots of random things that interest me, and I'm always working on improving myself in some way.

I was a project manager, and after I got laid off I decided not to get back into it because I loved not dealing with it so much. I can't do office politics; no interest in the drama and ego games that people fill the environment with, instead of simple harmony. As far as I can tell, people create these disturbances in the work place environment in order to feel more important. The reality however, is that none of us are very important. Stare at the hubble photo "deep field" for a while and think about it. : P

I've been lifting weights for a little while now too, and it sure gets results quicker than bopping around with 5 lb hand weights. XD

And what life is doing with me, is molding me into a writer... maybe even a shaman.
Iím really good at
Problem solving, troubleshooting, taking in massive amounts of information very quickly and finding the relevant pieces, cooking, making people laugh, repairing things, organizing things, foreseeing whats to come.

The first things people usually notice about me

Lately, probably the trenchcoat.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Currently reading Marion Zimmer Bradley's light series, and a book on developmental disorders.

I have read lots of random sociology/psych books, esoteric, philosophy... too many to remember much less name, but during conversations I'll be reminded of them here and there. Naomi Wolf's "The Beauty Myth," Guy Debord's "Society of the Spectacle," Herbert Marcuse's "One-Dimensional Man," and Robert Anton Wilson's "Prometheus Rising" have influenced my life a lot.

Very specifically: True Detective, then Walking Dead. Back in the day: X-Files.
More vaguely: scifi, fantasy, crime, documentaries. I used to be big into horror. I have seen *all* the horror, but at some point I started losing interest in it. *shrug* Now its all about the crime documentaries.

Classic rock, electronic, alternative rock, and then a variety from any genre, if it happens to appeal to me. I don't rule out any genre.

Meat and produce mainly, but literally anything else except cornbread is fine here and there.
The six things I could never do without
Internet (information)
Caffeine
Inspiration
Stability
Bubble baths
Alone time (I'm an introvert, need time to recharge, crave solitude.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Humanity in general, why people are the way they are, where are we headed. Cultural issues, how culture is influenced by economy, false flags, agenda 21, anything anomalous or not well understood yet fascinates me too, which leads me to fringe topics a lot.
On a typical Friday night I am
I like to go for walks alone, swing and listen to mp3s, listen to some talk show archives (like coast to coast am, or where did the road go), or watch movies on primewire. I've always been very independent and content to do my own thing alone. I know what I bring to the table, so I don't mind eating alone. ; )

I used to play settlers of catan a lot, but I don't really know people who play anymore, and its gotten harder to create a server for the java version (jsettlers).

The most private thing Iím willing to admit

I'm aloof, remote, a bit cagey, and I don't apologize for it.
You should message me if
If you're David Icke.

Anyway, I'm really only here to talk to people, perhaps *actually* get to know someone. So, if you think we share similar values, and you're inspired to carry on a conversation with me, then message.

(I'm amused by the messages I get, where I can tell that someone absolutely didn't read any of the profile, and they just like my photos. I'm not responsible for my genetics, but I am responsible for my thoughts... ok and my makeup, but seriously, how much can it actually matter, particularly when you won't be able to swallow the weird personality. ; )

You should NOT message me if

If you're going to use this "negging" or belittling tactic. I'll just delete those. **(And somehow this has happened a few times despite the warning that It doesn't work on me. I really don't suggest it. No, not all "chicks dig jerks." Grow up.)

If you're just looking to screw someone based merely upon the shapes and sizes of a person's body parts. If anyone could possibly explain it to me in a way that makes sense I would really be grateful because so far it seems like they don't even understand that they are just unwitting pawns of an economy based on making its people unhappy then selling them bullshit "solutions" that really solve nothing, just dehumanize us further. Its lonely to not participate, but its even more lonely to participate.

If you enjoy fitting in, in american culture, and you do it well.

If you're into the whole status thing, and looking for a piece of arm candy. I'm so not the girl.

If you have some weird entitled piggish double-standards (ex. overweight men who have the audacity to post something about not wanting "fat chicks" in their profile for example. When you look like you're about to give birth to triplets you need to be concerned about your own weight, not someone else's, amirite?

If you're obsessed with sports... I'm not. I also don't care how much you cycle, sry.

If you're going to send something lame like "sup/how are you/something about the snow (idgaf)" or invasively and awkwardly compliment my smile. I don't know you yet; my smile has nothing to do with you. Some "compliments" are crossing a boundary when they are from a stranger; there is no interpersonal context. Real talk.

Of course if you do fit the above description, you probably won't bother reading my profile anyway before you make some ham-handed attempt at playing the numbers game by copy pasting the same lame couple of lines into a private message. This was all said in vain."

Jet Bin Fever
I made it one and a half lines. Good lord man!

Jet Bin Fever
Okay, I finished it. That was pretty rough. Can you share the story?

Nominal
Pretty much every topic was about how she was so above the mundanes and their mainstream culture, despite every one of her psych hobbies involving studying said mundanes for her smug amusement. She was the personification of every "physician, heal thyself" Psych major cliche ever.

It didn't really hit me until favorite books came up and she started going on about Ayn Rand. The instant she said she admired her principles I knew I had to get the hell out of there.

ashtar.
Jesus Christ that is the most insufferable person ever. I particularly hate the "I'm an intellectual but not an academic" bit, which translates to "I like to think I'm smarter than other people (let me drop a bunch of jargon to demonstrate this), but I don't want to be held to any sort of standard for rigor."

I hope you brought smoke bombs and threw one down and disappeared ninja style. "Actually, a lot of people don't understand 'Atlas Shrugged'..." *poof!* *running footsteps.

Hooker
"The first things people usually notice about me

"Lately, probably the trenchcoat."

That made me laugh pretty hard.

mashedtater
My worst date was from OkCupid as well.

We meet in Chicago at the Art Institute in February and when I recognized him, he was about 100 pounds larger than he had portrayed himself to be. I am not slender by any means, so the ruse seemed hardly necessary. He seemed nice enough through, and we went in to look and talk.

When we turned in our coats at the coat check, he had on a shirt that said," That's what she said." For some reason, the date progressed on from there. We walked around (which he could barely do) while he very maturely pointed to every set of breasts giggling," boobies." After two hours, he was done walking so we went to lunch at the Bennigans across the street. He told me how he had dropped out of college and was almost out of money, but he offered to buy lunch so I ordered four long island ice teas and proceeded to get as drunk as possible.

Most of his conversation that I remember focused on how Bob Cratchit from A Christmas Carol was the actual villain for not looking for employment elsewhere. I tried to drink as much as possible.

After looking around at a bookstore where he continued to spout horrible things while trying to stick his tongue in my mouth, I called an end to the day and he walked me back to the South Shore station. He kept begging me to either go home with him or to be able to come home with him where I told him very firmly for someone pretty lit that there was no way that was ever going to happen. I laid down on the bench while he played Pokemon on my DS until the train came and it was a pretty cheerful goodbye.

He tried to call and im me later- neither did I respond to.

Jet Bin Fever
Wow, that's an amazing one too.

ashtar.
Obviously the guy knew his game. This is how you Demonstrate High Value to a HB 6 through 8. Any higher than 8 and you'd have to insinuate she has an adam's apple and then burn all her spoons.
Gmork
I am grateful that I have no idea what the fuck you're saying.

Nominal
Don't be thrown off by false flag IoDs.

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