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Desc:Youtube just doesn't even give a fuck anymore.
Category:Classic Movies, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:caligula, malcolm macdowell, just plain filthy, bob guccione, Tinto Brass
Submitted:Old_Zircon
Date:01/22/16
Views:27833
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Comment count is 41
fedex
needs the "Bob Guccione" tag
Seven Arts/H8 Red
Also, a Tinto Brass tag. You'd think Brass' name would come up more often on poeTV, but no.

Old_Zircon
I forgot Tinto Brass had a hand in this.

infinite zest
Also a Gore Vidal tag

John Holmes Motherfucker
Also John Gielgud. And cumshots.

dairyqueenlatifah
So the moral of the story is that it's not porn if it has a Hollywood budget behind it?

Old_Zircon
Or if it's educational.

infinite zest
Not sure. I think the biggest budget porn is still Pirates, at around a million dollars. I've seen this before and don't really want to again, but as I recall it's pretty softcore compared to even 70s porn, kind of like how Midnight Cowboy was rated X for being about a gay prostitute and showing John Voight's butt.

Difference is, a movie like Pirates is structured like a porn whereas Caligula is still a movie movie: this version has the extended orgy scene but I can't remember too many other times where they decide to just cut away from the story for a good 20 minutes of deep dicking, like they do in Pirates. Speaking of, the R-rated version of Pirates is worth checking out!

Architeuthis Tux
At least *parts* of this aren't softcore. Bob Guccione came back after hours with a different crew and shot full hardcore bits to intersperse with Tinto Brass' film (which has still got more genitals in it than most r-rated stuff). The effect is ridiculous. But the movie is also impressively violent.

Also, Caligula cost waaaaaaay more than Pirates. .5 million in 1979 dollars. And let me tell you, those were 17.5 million dollars spent on QUALITY. Er, quantity!

infinite zest
Good point, but if there's no visible penetration on screen it's softcore to me. The only movie that broke that rule as far as I know was JC Mitchell's Shortbus, which did have full-on penetration scenes, thus making it technically an indie hardcore porn, even though it never identified itself as such. It was art house porn, which is different, to me anyway than Pirates.

Feel free to find a scene with actual on-camera penetration in this version and I'll stand corrected though; I just really don't ever want to see this ever again. :(

infinite zest
And I've seen ALL of the sequels too!

Architeuthis Tux
There is plenty of visible penetration in Caligula. Just not with any of the name-brand actors.

At least there is in the unrated version, which this is.

Architeuthis Tux
2:13:41 is pretty unequivocal.

It's not really cut like porn though, so it doesn't emphasize repetitive motion.

infinite zest
Oh yeah! That is penetration, even if it's only for a second or so. And there's a cumshot. I think I forgot about that. Thanks! So like Shortbus I'd say this was softcore hardcore.

I wish there was an easy solution to story-based hardcore: people probably jerk off to the first scene and quit watching, just skip to the scene they want to see, or are taken out of the story because of the long scenes. But in this case, and Shortbus's it's like trying to jerk off to a snapchat, which is probably the producers' intent: leave your raincoats at home for this one ya pervs.. this is ART, not porn!

Which is too bad because nobody sees the movies, and adult actors just remain adult actors, when they're a lot more watchable and likeable (for the most part) than the Hollywood bunch.

TeenerTot
I'd like to think that
"And there's a cumshot. I think I forgot about that. Thanks!"
was a string of phrases never before uttered. But I'm sure I'd be disappointed.

That guy
Oh Teener, you ol' prude!

Scrotum H. Vainglorious
Yeah caught this a few months ago as I've never seen it. You're better off to fast forward to Caligula's death and then jump to your favorite site and beat off to something good like anime.
baleen
There's tons of softcore pornos on Youtube, Jesse Franco and stuff.
You just have to find one and then you're in the club. Since most jerkoffs don't know what they're looking for, nobody ever finds them.
Old_Zircon
I always find them by accident, I got to this by stumbling on a Russian dub of Voodoo Passion (totally underrated Franco movie,you even see some footage of his band playing in it!).

Hazelnut
Helen Mirren.
fedex
John Gielgud!

infinite zest
That's DAME Helen Mirren!

fedex
Peter O' TOOL! (see what i did there?)


infinite zest
A few more from this year's list of prestigious academy awards nominees

Matt Camon, Michael Assbender, Tom Hardon, Shaun and the Sheep, Outside In, The Big Long.. that's it for now folks!

StanleyPain
I haven't seen this in years upon years, but this is the one with the giant lawnmower thing that cuts off people's heads, right?
Architeuthis Tux
Yes.

Also Malcom MacDowell fisting a dude.

And chicks pissing on a guy's severed dick before dogs eat it.

Old_Zircon
If Adam Sandler had directed Salo it would probably be kind of like Caligula.

Architeuthis Tux
OZ: That is exactly right!

somedongus
The opening music is also from The Hudsucker Proxy. Huh.
Binro the Heretic
I can still remember seeing the print ads for this as a kid.

The gold coin with Caligula's profile crying tears of blood freaked me out.
Simillion
caligula, the narcissistic prancing rapist
Binro the Heretic
Do we really know how many of the stories about him are true, though? I mean, they were told by the people who had him assassinated so they could take over.

There's plenty of evidence to support the theory Elizabeth Bathory never actually killed anyone, let alone bathe in their blood. Those stories were spread by people who wanted to take her power & land for themselves.

cognitivedissonance
Historically speaking:

a) He was wildly popular with the plebs. His festivals, welfare programs and general anti-aristocratic hijinks were a pleasant change after Tiberius, a notoriously awful, dour, tight-fisted monster of a man. Considering the Reign of Terror under Sejanus was within common memory, and that Caligula was the descendant of the "friendly" side of the Julio-Claudian Augustan family tree, Caligula had a lot to like if you were a commoner.

b) There was definitely something wrong with him in the head. Tiberius deliberately set out to put an unqualified successor so as to make him look better by comparison, a trick Augustus pulled on Tiberius. Basically, if the Julio-Claudians were American pop cultural supremacy, Caligula would've been Justin Bieber made president. Not a great choice, clearly something WRONG going on there, but President Bieber would make President Cheney look downright benevolent.

Nominal
These cocks all look pretty cut to me.
Herr Matthias
That's not how you pronounce "Longinus".
fedex
Awesome baby playtoy at 13:21

this movie is such a feast of visual delights, so many freaky euro-details to take in even after so many years and rewatchings
Stopheles
This was the first porn I ever saw and the book about the making of the film (ULTIMATE PORNO) is one of the funniest things I've ever read.
MacGyver Style Bomb
My ex was bizarrely fascinated with this movie.
Bootymarch
"It's all fun and games until somebody fucks a horse."
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